Tenchi Survivor
by Jose Philipe Mendola
Summary: This picks up where my last one left off. This Fic is now COMPLETE! PLease R&R.
1. Day 9

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 9  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Authors Note: Praise be, Tenchi Survivor is back again. Only, one-thing kids. DO NOT VOTE! If you send me votes in ANY fashion and the FF.net administrators find out about it. This will be deleted AGAIN. If you ARE an FF.net administrator, there will be NO voting done here. I will be making the decisions on my own as to who stays and goes. All I want from this is simple reviews on the chapters. NO VOTES. Sorry kids. Enjoy anyway.  
  
Flashback: Well, if you remember correctly, Sasami was the first to go because she was underage. After that, Ryo-Ohki went out on silver platter. Actually the heinous Jose cooked it in with a stir-fry. In the last chapter (Day 8) Tenchi outlived everyone on the immunity challenge. He actually won because he sabotaged Washu who attempted to cheat. She swore revenge before Tenchi left, but that could fall to pieces. And with that, we bring to you again, Tenchi Survivor.  
  
It was another beautiful day on the island. The birds were out singing, the sun was an hour into the sky and the thermometer was already hitting 85. The perfect morning.  
  
'BASTARDS!'  
  
The word traveled throughout the entire island. From every cliff face to every crab, the small world that was the island shook from the word. So much for the perfect morning.  
  
'Calm down Jose.' The cameraman said 'we're back on so it's all good.'  
  
Jose was hunched over pacing around a tree. He was clad in black shorts and an OD green and tan 'Afrika Korps' t-shirt. Not to mention his stylish Green Bay Packers hat.  
  
'Three months!' Jose yelled '3 frickin' months I've been off the air! The ratings have dropped, my PAYCHECK has dropped, and I STILL have nothing to show for hitting on Mihoshi. NOTHING!"  
  
'Well let's just get today over with and see how the public takes to that.'  
  
'I don't know man.' Jose sulked 'I don't think I feel it anymore.'  
  
'Jose.' The cameraman said 'Do you know what today is?'  
  
'January?'  
  
'Banishment Day.'  
  
Jose immediately brightened at the mention of his favorite day. Pulling a can of Mountain Dew out of his pocket, Jose opened it and tossed its contents back in celebration.  
  
'Ready for action.' Jose said, cracking his knuckles.  
  
Jose ran off down the path, the cameraman right behind him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'We're back on the air?' Ayeka asked, staring at the camera 'Holy sh- hey guys! We're back on!'  
  
Tenchi stuck his head out of the lean-to. Ryoko did as well. Seen in the backgrounds, Tenchi noticed that he was not alone. Startled, he jumped up and out of the makeshift housing. He began walking toward the camera.  
  
'How about that.' Katsuhito said, smiling at the blinking red dot that marked the power to the camera. 'Makes an old man happy to be back on the air.'  
  
'Wait a minute.' Tenchi said 'did it occur to anyone who's going to show up now that we're back on the air?'  
  
'Uh-oh.' Ayeka said.  
  
Ryoko teleported right behind Tenchi. Putting her arms around his neck, she asked  
  
'What are we talking about?'  
  
'Since the camera is back on,' Ayeka explained as she pried Ryoko off of Tenchi 'it signifies that any second Jose is going to come tearing out of the jungle with some sick and twisted method of banishing one of us.'  
  
'Except Tenchi.' Mihoshi said from nowhere.  
  
'Huh?' Katsuhito said, looking around 'Where are you girl?'  
  
'Probably disappeared into blond air.' Ryoko said.  
  
The ground beneath Ryoko shifted. Attempting to regain her feet, Ryoko fell onto her back as the ground under her collapsed. It seems that Mihoshi had dug her way out from under her to the surface.  
  
'Where did YOU go?' Tenchi asked the tan blond.  
  
'I was looking for Pirate treasure.' Mihoshi explained.  
  
'What an amusing girl.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'Something like that.' Ayeka agreed.  
  
'What's that noise?' Tenchi asked.  
  
'Oh crap.' The other 4 survivors agreed.  
  
Behind them, the palm trees parted. A human figure was shrouded be the blinding divine light that radiated behind him. Dan the cameraman (and Jose's good friend) walked out from the nearby trees, camera rolling.  
  
'Get ready kids.' Dan said 'This is going to be good.'  
  
The figure stepped out of the light and into the sand that was the beach. Like the survivors had guessed, it was Jose. Sure, he was in his black shorts and Afrika Korps shirt, but he was not sporting glasses and a shabby excuse for a goatee. Either way, Hell on earth had returned.  
  
'Welcome, Welcome boys and girls.' Jose yelled with enthusiasm 'are we ready to pick up where we left off?'  
  
'Wouldn't you like to pick up where you left off with Mihoshi, or does that involve less clothing that is allowed in a family fic?' Ayeka asked sarcastically.  
  
'I assure you Ayeka,' Mihoshi said 'Nothing of that nature happened at all.'  
  
'I figured as much.' Ryoko said.  
  
'Hey!' Jose yelled 'I've been here for 47 seconds and already your making a jackass out of me. What the hell?'  
  
'Easy Jose.' Dan said 'Let's just stick to the task at hand.'  
  
'Right. Ok, are you all here?'  
  
'No.' Katsuhito said 'We're missing Washu.'  
  
'Ok, any idea as to where she might be?'  
  
'Down the beach some ways.' Ryoko informed 'I guess some electronic devices washed up last night, so she's collecting them so she can build whatever she wants.'  
  
'Damn.' Jose said 'Someone want to go get her?'  
  
None of the survivors offered.  
  
'Ok, anyone who wants the job, step forward.'  
  
The cameraman had dropped something, so Jose turned to see what had happened. As soon as Jose was distracted, Tenchi, Katsuhito, Ryoko and Ayeka took a step back.  
  
Content, Jose turned around.  
  
'Thank you Mihoshi. Run down, get Washu and run back.'  
  
Mihoshi looked around, trying to comprehend how she had volunteered. Not finding an answer, she took off down the beach.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mihoshi had returned with Washu a few minutes later.  
  
For reasons unexplained, Jose had Mihoshi run back down eh beach and back two times. Strange enough, Jose smiled the whole time she did it. No one questioned him.  
  
'OK.' Jose said once the group was assembled 'today is going to be real easy. All you have to do for a Banishment challenge is transport a box from one end of the island to the other in the shortest time.'  
  
'Well that's easy.' Ryoko said.  
  
'Even I can do that.' Mihoshi said proudly.  
  
'Indeed. Simple enough.' Jose said.  
  
'What's the catch?'  
  
'Who said that?' Jose said, brandishing a shank 'Come on, show yourself.'  
  
A hand reached up and grabbed Jose by the facial hair. Hauling his head down, he came eye to eye with Washu. She was short. No wonder he didn't see her.  
  
'Hey you spaz.' Washu said 'I said it. What's the catch? Mine Field? Attack dogs? Bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you?'  
  
'No.' Jose said coolly, trying not to loose his temper 'Just run the box. That's it.'  
  
'When you say 'run', do we have to technically run?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Ah.' Jose said brightening 'Now for the rest of the rules. All you have t do is get the box to the other side of the island. I don't care how you do it, just get it there when the boat comes in.'  
  
'So what is IN these boxes exactly?' Tenchi asked.  
  
'Hey, are you running in this?' Jose said sounding annoyed.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Then put a lid on it. Ok, listen up. The time to be running this is going to be awkward. The suppliers- I mean 'time keepers' are coming in around 2 AM. They are Columbians. Now, they are going to be showing up in a very fast boat, so you have to get the boxes off that thing as fast as you can so they can get out of here. Once you have the box, run to the other side of the island and deliver it to the Mexicans. From there, report back here with your times.'  
  
The survivors just blinked at Jose's rules.  
  
'Can you repeat that?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'Just get the friggin' box to the Mexicans.' Jose grumbled.  
  
'By any means possible?' Ayeka asked,  
  
'Any means.' Jose replied.  
  
'Any means.' Washu confirmed.  
  
'Yes, any means.' Jose said, stressing the words.  
  
'Check this out.' Katsuhito whispered to his grandson 'Any-means- necessary.'  
  
'Yes!'  
  
'Anything?' Ayeka asked, playing along.  
  
'Yes, yes!' Jose yelled, overcome be the stupidity.  
  
'Anything at all.' Ryoko stated, making sure.  
  
'Damn it, yes!'  
  
'Bath time?' Mihoshi asked in all honesty.  
  
'Go get ready!' Jose yelled 'We start in a few hours!'  
  
The survivors ran off to get ready, except Tenchi who headed for the water for an attempt to get some relaxation.  
  
'Oh, I hate this job.' Jose said as the camera focused on him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next live broadcast was at 2:15 AM. The boats had just pulled in and the survivors were ready.  
  
'Ok kids.' Jose said, radio in hand 'Who's first to deliver the goods?'  
  
Mihoshi stepped forward. For one reason or another, she was dressed in her GP (Galaxy Police) suit.  
  
'Whatever.' Jose said shrugging. 'You know what you have to do, right?'  
  
'Mihoshi nodded in affirmation.  
  
'Ok, I'm going to have you grab the box (The FBI has MY fingerprints) and head out. As soon as you touch that box, the timer starts. Go ahead whenever your ready.'  
  
Mihoshi pulled out her Storage Matrix, twisted it a few ties and conjured up a Fission Bazooka out of thin air. Putting the box back into her pocket, she grabbed the bazooka and ran 10 feet to the boat. Bazooka and payload in hand, she crammed the box into the projecting end of the bazooka. Once 'loaded', she raised the weapon and took a reading on distance and trajectory. Adjusting it a few degrease, she pulled the trigger. The power inside the cannon built up due to the box blocking the ext, and the bazooka began to glow at the seams. It then ROCKETED the box up and over the jungle in a flash of light and noise.  
  
'Bueno, chica. Bueno.' One of the Columbians said, awfully impressed.  
  
Jose got on his radio and said something into it.  
  
'Si, package delivered. Awaiting more.' Came the reply.  
  
'Great job Mihoshi. 24 seconds flat. Ok, whose next?'  
  
Both Katsuhito and Ayeka stepped forward.  
  
'Excuse me.' Katsuhito said bowing 'Ladies first.' He stepped back.  
  
'OK, you know the rules and- whoa.' Jose pointed at Ayeka 'Your face is painted again.'  
  
'It's a rise in power level. I'm going to levitate it there at high speeds.'  
  
'Your not going to drop me again, are you?' Jose asked.  
  
'No, I promise I wont.' She said laughing a little.  
  
'Ok. Whenever your ready.'  
  
Ayeka ran up to the boat and grabbed the box. She spun around and continued to hold it. Within seconds, the box had a blue glow to it. Ayeka pulled her hands away from it, causing it to levitate. Once she was a good distance from it, she raised it into the air. Again, it froze in place. Ayeka brought her hand back behind her, and, like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, jabber her hand forward, palm vertical. The box flew through the air and through the jungle.  
  
The Columbians muttered something, sounding pleased.  
  
'Box two delivered.' The radio said 'Awaiting more.'  
  
'Very nice job Ayeka.' Jose said '26.3. A little slower, but still just as impressive. Nice face paint by the way.'  
  
She smiled and walked back.  
  
'Ok Katsuhito, your turn.'  
  
Katsuhito walked toward the boat where a Columbian held out the delivery item. He reached for it, but stopped short and turned to look at Jose.  
  
'Now don't blink.' He said 'This is going to happen REAL fast.'  
  
'Right.' Jose said. Dah, hallo. This guy was old. Jose was NOT expecting much from him.  
  
Katsuhito touched the box and the clock began.  
  
Jose looked up, and he was gone.  
  
'What the hell?'  
  
'Grandpa's a real fast guy. He'll be back soon.' Tenchi said.  
  
'Wow'. Jose said, impressed.  
  
'Package delivered.' The radio said.  
  
Jose looked back down at his watch.  
  
'24.3 flat!' Jose said.  
  
'I would have been a lot faster,' Katsuhito said, suddenly next to Jose 'but I tripped over a python and got slowed down.'  
  
'You ran it there?' Jose asked.  
  
'Sure.' He replied 'I love running.'  
  
Jose shook his head in disbelief.  
  
'OK, thus far we have Mihoshi in first and Ayeka trailing in last of three. But don't worry yet. We still have two more to run. Whose next?'  
  
Washu and Ryoko were debating as to who was to go next. It took a few minutes, but Washu had Ryoko go before her so she could 'save the best for last'.  
  
'Alright,' Ryoko said 'let's get this over with. I'll make sure this is fast so Ayeka will be the next to go.'  
  
'Jeeze, what a bitch.' Ayeka whispered.  
  
'Ryoko walked up to the boat and grabbed the box. The timer started.  
  
It only took a few seconds for Ryoko to teleport to wherever she did.  
  
Jose expected a radio call within the second saying that the box was delivered, while Ayeka worried about her trashed time.  
  
'This is taking longer than expected.' Tenchi said.  
  
'Box 4 delivered.' The radio said.  
  
Ryoko teleported back into existence right in front of Jose.  
  
'25.7 seconds. What happened?' Jose asked sarcastically.  
  
'I've never been to that beach before. The closest I was to it was 200 yards. Since I can only teleport directly to where I have been, I had to run the last 200.'  
  
'I'm sorry to hear that.' Jose said 'Ok Washu, your turn.'  
  
Washu walked toward the boat, dragging with her a large metal chamber.  
  
'What the HELL is that?' Jose demanded.  
  
'It's a teleporting device. What happens is I turn this thing on, put something in it and in exactly 20 seconds later, it's on the other end. Now if you'll kindly wait, I'll fire this thing up.'  
  
'This does NOT look good for Ayeka.' Ayeka said 'I'm just going to go pack my stuff. I'll be right back.'  
  
Jose grabbed her by the arm and pulled her beside him.  
  
'Stay put. You can't leave yet.'  
  
Washu got the teleporter working.  
  
'Now the other one I have constructed, both from the electronic equipment I found on the beach, is right next to the Mexican boat. I will win this fir sure, and I'm going with the box so I can personally deliver it.  
  
'Hey Jose,' the cameraman said 'Check it out.'  
  
Someone wearing a suit and tie, carrying a briefcase walked out of the jungle.  
  
'Uh-oh.' Jose said 'Network executive.'  
  
'Mr. Mendola,' The man said as Washu prepared her teleporter 'I'm sorry to tell you that the ratings have dropped and so has your paycheck. Again. Have a nice day.'  
  
With that, the executive vanished amid demons and red smoke.  
  
Jose shook with anger.  
  
'Uh-oh.' The cameraman said.  
  
'I don't BELIEVE this!' Jose yelled. Washu grabbed the box, the timer started and Jose pulled a bat out of his pocket. 'BASTARDS!' Jose shouted.  
  
Washu stepped into her invention. A screen showed a bar marking how far along the process was.  
  
35%  
  
Jose, in a fit of rage, swung the bat and connected with the computer console of the teleporter.  
  
Flashing red lights immediately went off.  
  
'Transporter process interrupted!' A hidden speaker blared ''Molecular structure unstable. Transportation field unstable. Attempting to find transported items.'  
  
There was a second of silence. All of the survivors stared wide-eyed at the failed experiment.  
  
'Targets found.' The busted computer said 'Attempting to extract.'  
  
The chamber sparked and steamed as technology battled the center of the universe.  
  
'Extraction failed. Targets lost. Have a nice day.'  
  
'Oops.' Jose said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Mexicans had waited until dawn for the last box to arrive. It never did. They left anyway, out one box. The Columbians had taken off as soon as the last box was taken. When they left, they left behind a large sum of money for Jose.  
  
Jose had recently called all of the survivors together.  
  
'Well, I've taken it into account, and put some serious thought into it, but I have come to the conclusion that, by default, Washu is banished. Take the rest of the day off, and I'll see you tomorrow morning.'  
  
Washu is banished!  
  
Jeeze, see what happens when you anger Jose? Oh well, one less castaway to torture. Now be sure to leave a review, but NO votes. If you do, this will be erased again, angering Jose. And you don't want that. See you next chapter. 


	2. Day 10

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 10  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Authors Note:   
  
It was a wonderful morning to be up. The sun rose over the distant storm clouds giving the sky an orange and purple tint.  
  
Katsuhito had been knee deep in water since 5 trying to catch some breakfast. He had been passing up on one fish that had been swimming near his feet for some time now. On occasion, he would lash out at the occasional big fish. It was now 10:30 in the morning.  
  
Tenchi was out in the jungle looking for loose firewood. More than once he had thought he heard Washu calling him from somewhere. Every time he went to look, no one was there. He had been hearing that all morning. Was he going crazy because of the lack of the modern world? Then again, it was probably the berries he had been eating since he first set out this morning. Black and white-checkered patterned berries always DID screw up ones senses.  
  
'Hey!' Someone yelled at Tenchi.  
  
Tenchi looked around and finally saw who called for him.  
  
It was another kid, probably close to 19. He had black hair that just missed his eyebrows. His facial expression looked as if he was permanently annoyed. To top it off, he wore a red jumpsuit.  
  
'What the hell?' Tenchi asked himself.  
  
'Are you coming or not Tetsueo?' the kid yelled. He turned around; his red jumpsuit had what looked like a blue and yellow pill on the back.  
  
'Woah.' Tenchi said, walking in the opposite direction Kaneda was.  
  
Ayeka and Mihoshi were hanging around the campsite, repairing the damage to their housing.  
  
'I've never seen a coconut that big before.' Mihoshi said 'That thing came right through the ceiling.'  
  
'No kidding.' Ayeka said as she patched the gaping hole that had been created. 'It's a good thing no one was hurt.'  
  
Ryoko stumbled by the shelter outside.  
  
'Not too badly anyway.' Mihoshi added.  
  
A sizeable wind had blown across the island the other night, bringing a storm with it. Because of the tropical storm that had come in, winds were up to 65 miles and hour around 11:00 PM. The coconut trees that were on the island decided to give up their payload last night, dropping close to 1300 coconuts within an hours time. A hefty coconut had fallen off one tree last night and crashed through the roof, splitting on Ryoko's head.  
  
'The only fortunate thing,' Ayeka continued 'was the fact it stopped Ryoko from doing god knows what to Tenchi.'  
  
Mihoshi nodded in agreement.  
  
They continued working in silence for a few minutes.  
  
'So how did that Washu thing strike you?' Mihoshi asked Ayeka.  
  
'It proved to me that a lot can happen on the island. Stuff we never considered even. It really tells me that we have to be careful with what we say and do from now on, as to not anger Jose and get in a spot just as bad as Washu, or even worse.'  
  
'Does this shirt make me look 'big'?' Mihoshi asked, oblivious to the fact that Ayeka had answered her.  
  
'Though I'm sure you wont be a problem for Jose.' Ayeka sighed.  
  
Ryoko stumbled through a coconut grove. Ever since her run in with the renegade coconut, her equilibrium had been thrown out of whack.  
  
She was almost sure that she had walked past the shelter, but then again, she had just talked to a penguin.  
  
'Ow, my head.' She said, rubbing at her wound.  
  
Ryoko traveled through the grove for another few minutes. She stopped short at a clearing.  
  
Where no trees grew, some of the coconuts had fallen on the ground. Ryoko stared at the coconuts.  
  
On the ground, they spelled out 'DIE'.  
  
As Ryoko stared at the coconuts, one fell next to her. She sidestepped it, and another fell.  
  
Thinking the deadly nuts were out to kill her again, Ryoko took off at a run, stumbling into a tree or 8 on the way.  
  
The camera panned up, where Jose was in the tree, arm full of coconuts.  
  
'She's too easy.' Jose said.  
  
The rest of the day was fairly easy. Katsuhito had finally come out of the lagoon, weighed down by razor clams and some kind of bottom feeding fish. Not the best thing they could be having, but it was their only option.  
  
'I'm getting of tired of cooking for all of you.' Katsuhito said that evening. I think it's Ryoko's turn to cook.'  
  
'Rocks and salt water.' She reminded the survivors.  
  
Ayeka sighed.  
  
Looks like I'm next.  
  
Jose had shown up in the middle of the conversation. He listened intently, and it reminded him that he was quite hungry again. He dug into his pocket and produced something wrapped in a Subway paper. Along with it, he pulled out a large drink.  
  
As they kept talking about food, Jose began to eat his.  
  
One by one, the survivors noticed what Jose was doing. They just stared at him, until Mihoshi was rambling on and on to no one about god knows what.  
  
'What's everybody looking at?' she asked as she looked around.  
  
'What?' Jose mumbled through a mouth of bread, roast beef and lettuce. 'Oh, the food.' Jose put down his sub and took a chaser of Sierra Mist. 'You kids and your food. Well, I wish there was something I could do, but I'm really short handed.'  
  
The survivors sat in hungry silence as Jose finished off his food.  
  
Jose got up, and in doing so, MIGHT have dropped a sliver of a pickle. Whatever it was that fell from the wadded up paper, all 5 survivors dove for it.  
  
After a brief scuffle, Ayeka came out on top. Jose watched in amazement as she ate it, seeming content.  
  
'Hey, my quarter!' Jose said.  
  
Ayeka shrugged.  
  
'That's good quarter.' She said.  
  
The survivors returned to their logs, sitting back with their horrible foodstuffs.  
  
While they were eating, Tenchi reached into a nearby shrub and came back with a few black and white checkered berries. He popped them into his mouth, chewed and swallowed. Looking content, he sat back. His eyes immediately glazed over.  
  
'Tenchi.' Katsuhito said 'are you ok boy?'  
  
'Fine!' Tenchi snapped, suddenly sitting up and becoming a mix of violent and paranoid. 'I'm fine! NOTHING! Go away! What berries? YOU'RE THE one holding raisins! Quiet, all of you! I'm holding them for Ghandi! Just let me sleep!' With that said, he sat back again, seemingly relaxed.  
  
The survivors just looked at him.  
  
'I wonder what that was all about?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'I have no idea.' Mihoshi said 'I've never seen him do that before.'  
  
Ayeka leaned closer to Tenchi, looking him over. He had strange, dark blue smudges on his hands and around his mouth.  
  
'Do you see something?' Katsuhito asked startling Ayeka.  
  
'No.' she said, pulling back from talking too fast before thinking. 'I mean, no.' She decided to keep it that way for now 'No I don't.' Better to keep her findings to herself.  
  
'Hey,' Ryoko addressed Mihoshi 'do you ever worry about you and I being alone with Tenchi after Ayeka and Katsuhito are gone?'  
  
Mihoshi took it into consideration.  
  
'I hate to be the bearer of bad news,' Katsuhito said, putting down his dinner 'but I'm not going anywhere.'  
  
'And I ASSURE you I'll be here longer than you.' Ayeka added. 'I'm not about to lose to the likes of you.'  
  
'What is that suppose to mean?' Ryoko demanded, standing up, and in the process spilling her plate of food.  
  
'What that means,' Ayeka said standing up as well 'is that I'll SEE you leave before ANYONE wants me gone. I'm not leaving Tenchi with a monster like YOU.'  
  
'MONSTER!? That's it!' She dove over the fire pit and attacked Ayeka.  
  
'You kids.' Katsuhito said finishing his dinner 'What am I going to do with you?'  
  
Tenchi, still conked out on the berries, heard and saw nothing except for a city crumbling, many people dying, and the second coming of Akira.  
  
'Nope.' Mihoshi finally said to an empty seat where Ryoko was before she went after Ayeka 'I'm sure I'll outlast all of you.'  
  
End of Day 10 


	3. Day 11

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 11  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Authors Note: All events that take place in this fic are entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is coincidental unless specifically noted. No celebrities have endorsed any aspect of this show. (I can't believe I went into cooking for this)  
  
It was late morning when Jose had finally shown up. The survivors had woken up on their own. It was well after 8:00 after the first survivor, being Ryoko, woke up.  
  
'Either I missed the wakeup call,' She said sleepily 'or Jose was up all night looking for ways to cut our budget and still keep this interesting.'  
  
Katsuhito, who mumbled something about more sleep time, conked Ryoko on the head. After doing that, Ryoko collapsed because of the 'sleep aid'.  
  
Ryoko closed her eyes and rested again upon her pillow that consisted of shells and sand.  
  
Tenchi woke up at 11:00 and saw that Jose was setting up a screen and projector. Along with those, cans of paint and stacks of lumber. It looked like he was going to be building something. Jose was now in the process of setting up chairs.  
  
Tenchi looked on as Jose finished with the chairs and began construction on a ticket booth.  
  
'Well this is odd.' Tenchi said.  
  
Tenchi looked behind him, into the shelter. He looked from survivor to survivor; trying to find someone he could share his findings with. Someone who might care. Hmm, decisions, decisions.  
  
Tenchi closed his eyes and shook his head violently. HE felt like a train had just hit him traveling at full tilt.  
  
Tenchi leaned over his bedroll and reached under it. He pulled out a palm leaf that had been folded and fastened with some twigs.  
  
Carefully unfolding it, Tenchi saw that he had only 18 black and white checkered berries left.  
  
Knowing that he had to conserve his stash, he took two from the leaf.  
  
Folding the palm back up, he put it back under his bedroll.  
  
Early morning fix.  
  
Tenchi swallowed the berries and leaned over toward Ayeka.  
  
'Hey.' Tenchi said, shaking her lightly. 'Wake up. You have to see this.'  
  
Ayeka slowly opened her eyes and focused on Tenchi. She smiled.  
  
'Since when did MY dreams start coming true?'  
  
'What was that?' Tenchi asked, not too sure if what he just heard was correct.  
  
'Never mind.' She replied, propping herself up on one arm 'What's going on?'  
  
'Just look.' Tenchi said, pointing in Jose's direction.  
  
'What in the world is he doing?' Ayeka asked.  
  
Tenchi shook his head, mostly because it was swimming from those berries. Damn did that feel good.  
  
Jose was now in the process of putting a movie title on a small billboard. It was rimmed with flashing lights.  
  
Ayeka had continued on with talking about something, but Tenchi had zoned out watching a hermit crab scuttle across Washu's empty bedroll.  
  
'Funny crustacean.' Tenchi laughed.  
  
'What?' Ayeka asked, confused as to why Tenchi had said that 'Tenchi, are you listening to me?'  
  
'Every word.' Tenchi lied.  
  
'Then you agree with me. We should try and do that?'  
  
Tenchi began to sweat. It was either drug induced or it was the fact he had NO idea what the hell Ayeka was talking about.  
  
'Forget it for now.' Ayeka said, looking around her. 'We probably shouldn't be talking about this with her right near us.'  
  
Tenchi blinked repeatedly. Woah. Ayeka's face had just turned 8 different colors and then melted like wax. What a trip.  
  
The rest of the survivors woke up soon after Tenchi had fallen over, knocking the support stick of their shelter loose, causing the whole thing to collapse.  
  
Where the hole in the roof above Ryoko had been, it was patched the day before with another coconut. Where the roof fell, along with the rest of the shelter, the coconut again landed and hit Ryoko in the head.  
  
Through the massive confusion and swearing, the survivors could hear Jose.  
  
'Your all awake? Damn. And I was going to use my air horn too.'  
  
One by one, the survivors crawled out of the wreckage.  
  
Ryoko, last to crawl out, carried the coconut with her. She began to walk down the beach.  
  
'Where are you going?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'Right here to play some baseball.' Ryoko replied.  
  
The remaining survivors and Jose watched as Ryoko tossed the offending nut into the air. As soon as it left her hand, Ryoko pulled her Beam Sword out of nothing. She swung it and connected with the coconut.  
  
It exploded into a million and 3 pieces.  
  
And it's outta' there!' Tenchi yelled.  
  
The four survivors and Jose applauded as Ryoko walked back.  
  
Katsuhito pulled a cooler out of nowhere and he and Mihoshi dumped its contents over Ryoko's head.  
  
'Enough screwing around.' Jose said 'on to the immunity challenge.'  
  
Jose led the survivors over to the front of 5-person theater he had constructed. A white sheet was over the title board.  
  
'Ok kids.' Jose said 'today is going to be real easy.'  
  
'That's what you said about the last challenge.' Ayeka said 'And now we'll never see Washu again.'  
  
'Ok, ok, so we had a few minor setbacks. Let's not bring up old problems.' Jose said 'Today's challenge is almost harmless.'  
  
'Great, so one of us should probably break a bone.' Ryoko said.  
  
'Not hardly.' Jose replied 'Though you WILL wish you were dead, it's not going to happen.'  
  
'I really have a bad feeling about this.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'Well,' Jose said 'My original plan was to air this on an unwitting public, then make my move to take over the world. But, I need some test subjects first. Today's pain parade is-' Jose whips the sheet off the title board. 'Wing Commander.'  
  
All of the survivors groaned in displeasure. Tenchi almost fell over.  
  
'The rules are simple. Last one awake gains immortality tomorrow. Understand?'  
  
The survivors lined up and marched into the theater single file.  
  
Once they were in the door, Jose looked in.  
  
'And stop goose stepping!' Jose yelled.  
  
Jose ran up to the projection booth and pulled out the Wing Commander movie case. It was labeled with random symbols. Among those were toxicity symbols, radiation symbols and occasional skull and crossbones.  
  
Making the final connections to the projector, Jose put the tape in the player, hit play and shielded his eyes.  
  
The movie kicked up immediately, no previews, no credits. Just pure Wing Commander hell.  
  
Jose did not sit around too long before he checked the survivors. It looked like Ayeka and Mihoshi had already fallen over due to horrible movie boredom. Two down, three to go.  
  
After playing Tetris for another few seconds, Jose checked the crowd. Ryoko was down. Now it was Tenchi and Katsuhito in the running.  
  
Jose laughed at their misfortune and went back to gaming.  
  
After a few more lines and a Tetris, Jose checked again. Both Tenchi and Katsuhito were still up. Man, did they have control or what?  
  
More gaming went by. A good solid three minutes of it. Jose checked again. Both of the survivors were still up. No one was THIS good.  
  
Still, both were sitting up.  
  
'No fucking way.' Jose groused 'that's it. I'm going down there.'  
  
Jose shut down the projector and headed down the stairs.  
  
In the theater, Jose looked over the carnage.  
  
Mihoshi had fallen out of her chair and conjured up a plushy penguin to cuddle with as she slept.  
  
Ryoko, on a completely different mindset, was snoring away with one hand down the front of her pants.  
  
Jose held his nose to staunch the blood.  
  
Ayeka, being the normal one, had just fallen out of the chair and sprawled out snoring.  
  
Jose walked to the front to see both Tenchi and Katsuhito.  
  
Jose saw that Tenchi was leaning back, staring at the ceiling. He looked like he was in a coma.  
  
Katsuhito stuck his head around Tenchi so he could see Jose.  
  
'What happened in the movie? I missed it because of my grandson's big head.'  
  
'That's the joke.' Jose said 'Wing Commander was a piece of plot-less shit.'  
  
'Oh.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'Congratulations.' Jose said 'You have gained immortality.'  
  
'Thanks god.' Katsuhito replied 'I'm out of here.' With that said, he up and left.  
  
Jose carefully walked around and woke up the girls, breaking the unfortunate news of their loss. They grumbled and left.  
  
Lastly, Jose went over to Tenchi. He really did not look too good. On closer inspection, Jose found an odd looking berry at his feet. It was black and white with a checkered pattern to it. Jose pocketed it and kicked Tenchi's chair.  
  
Tenchi lurched forward.  
  
'Tetsueo!' Me mumbled before vomiting.  
  
'That's disgusting.' Jose said as he pointed Tenchi toward the door 'Go get yourself cleaned up and lie down. You don't look well.'  
  
Tenchi nodded and headed for the door.  
  
On the way out, Jose noticed Tenchi take two berries, black and white, checker patterned, out of his pocket and toss them in his mouth.  
  
'I'm keeping my eye on you Tenchi.' Jose said quietly. 'I'm going to find out what your up to.'  
  
End of Day 11 


	4. Day 12

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 12  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Authors Note: Odd. Still no hits or reviews. Oh well. Events that take place in the fic are entirely factious. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is entirely coincidental. No celebrities have endorsed any aspect of this show. (Is anyone even reading this?)  
  
The sun rose on a clear blue sky. The birds and other such animals were out It was going to be another beautiful day.  
  
Beautiful except that today was Banishment Day.  
  
Ayeka and Ryoko had called off their personal battle last night. For the time anyway. They fell asleep at opposite ends of the camp. When they both woke up, they immediately began sending each other declarations of war and Arms Treaties. The rest of the survivors paid it no heed.  
  
Katsuhito strolled out of the shelter about 20 minutes after Tenchi and Mihoshi did.  
  
Mihoshi had gone ff to collect fresh water and firewood, leaving Tenchi to skin the side of the water for anything edible.  
  
'This is great.' Katsuhito said to the cameraman 'we're so close to the end, the challenges are getting harder, and I'm immune today. Nothing could go wrong.'  
  
Both Ayeka and Ryoko collided, shields and crude wooden spears in hand. It was a good charge and all, just a shame that Katsuhito was their point of contact, veritably Stuck in the middle (No songs please.).  
  
The cameraman scanned over to Tenchi.  
  
He was again munching on some kind of berries while he was scanning the shoreline.  
  
Tenchi stopped to pick something up. Bringing it up to eye level, he examined it.  
  
Katsuhito had crawled out of the brawl just as Tenchi ran back to the camp.  
  
'Check it out guys!' Tenchi proclaimed 'Real food!'  
  
Ayeka and Ryoko stopped in mid scuffle, spears and shields raised, and ran over to where Tenchi to see what he had found.  
  
'What is it boy?' Katsuhito asked as he staunched a gash in his arm.  
  
'I don't know.' Tenchi admitted 'All it says in English is 'Cod'.'  
  
Katsuhito looked over the box. It was made of flimsy composite wood, had a sliding top and was encrusted with white crystal like objects. It was more of a rough film of them.  
  
'What the- Katsuhito said as he scraped some of the flaky white substance off 'Chinese characters.' He stared at the box.  
  
'Grandpa,' Tenchi said 'You can't read Chinese.'  
  
'I know that.' He replied.  
  
'So what exactly are you doing?'  
  
'Waiting form someone to remind me I cant.'  
  
Ryoko reached over and grabbed the box. She scraped off more of the white substance and revealed more Chinese characters.  
  
'What does it say?' The cameraman asked.  
  
'Beats me.' Ryoko replied 'I cant read this either.'  
  
The box continued around the circle of survivors a few times, still no one was able to read it.  
  
Mihoshi stepped out of the jungle and joined the circle.  
  
'What are we looking at?' She asked.  
  
'They're trying to decipher a box that Tenchi found.' Jose said, coming up from behind Mihoshi out of nowhere.  
  
'Ah!' she yelled, just a tad surprised 'Where did you come from?'  
  
The surrounding area went dark, lighting only Jose.  
  
'I am from the dark abyss. A place where only fire and darkness reign supreme. The only power is fear, and the only master is hate. A bleak land that Lim Dul calls his home. A place mortals call-'  
  
The land and surrounding area brighten and return to normal.  
  
'Bridgewater Massachusetts.'  
  
The survivors blinked in confusion.  
  
Mihoshi took the box and looked it over.  
  
'New England Salted Cod in a box. Packaged in Hong Kong.'  
  
The survivors stared at her.  
  
'Is that what it says? Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Oh sure.' Mihoshi replied 'I can read that and a ton of other languages. Greek, Arabic, Chinese, German, Binary Code-'  
  
'Salted Cod?' Tenchi asked, far from impressed 'SALTED COD?'  
  
'Ew.' Ayeka threw in.  
  
'Hand me that box.' Katsuhito said, pointing at it.  
  
Katsuhito waited for a reply, but waited only long enough to realize that she was still babbling on about the languages she knew.  
  
'Say good bye.' Katsuhito said as he kicked the box into the ocean where it, for no explainable reason, exploded.  
  
'What was that all about?' Ayeka demanded 'That could have been lunch!'  
  
'Have you ever HAD salted cod, girl?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Well, no.' Ayeka said.  
  
'Imagine the worst thing you can think of.' Ryoko offered.  
  
'That's not hard to do.' Ayeka replied, making prolonged eye contact with her.  
  
'Now multiply it by a million. THAT'S salted cod.'  
  
'Good god!' Jose yelled, drawing the attention of the survivors 'Look what time it is! I have to think of a way to banish one of you!'  
  
Jose ran off to continue on with his evil plot.  
  
'Is it me,' Tenchi started 'Or was it pointless for Jose to show up just now?'  
  
'Well he IS the host.' Ryoko said 'so he DOES think he has to show up on occasion.'  
  
'I vote we go find some real food.' Katsuhito said 'I'm tired of cooking tree bark and feeding it to you guys every night.'  
  
'Is THAT what we've been eating?!' Ayeka Demanded.  
  
'I mean, uh, Skate. Yeah. I'm tired of cooking Skate every night for all of you. Yes, that will do nicely.'  
  
'Ok then.' Tenchi said 'Let's split up and find some fresh food.'  
  
'I'll check the rocks for shell fish.' Ryoko offered.  
  
'I'll I'll go check the coconut grove for- skate.' Katsuhito stammered.  
  
'All right, and I'll go search the interior of the island for a squirrel or something. We'll all meet back here in an hour so we can all eat before Jose gets back. Let's go.'  
  
Ryoko and Katsuhito took off. Tenchi decided to head out, but was rooted to the spot when Ayeka decided to hold him up by the sleeve.  
  
'We need to talk.' Ayeka said to him.  
  
'Uh-oh.' Tenchi said 'is this about the magazines? I, uh, found them under my bedroll. Really.'  
  
'What?' Ayeka asked.  
  
'Um, nothing.' Tenchi said, wiping sweat off his forehead 'What do we need to talk about?'  
  
'Not here.' Ayeka said glancing at the camera 'Come with me.'  
  
They left, taking a path that lead somewhere into the jungle.  
  
The camera focused back on Mihoshi.  
  
'-Spanish, French, Hieroglyphics, Protoss, Dutch-'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Remind me again why we're here.' Tenchi said.  
  
'I've yet to tell you why we're here.' Ayeka replied.  
  
'I meant on the island.'  
  
'That's not what we're here to talk about. 'Ayeka said, turning to face Tenchi.  
  
'So what's the point of the two of us here alone free to talk about anything we want?'  
  
Ayeka stared at Tenchi, far from amused. Tenchi looked back in a state of confusion.  
  
'Oh.' Tenchi said after a few seconds 'Oh-h-h-h.'  
  
Ayeka shook her head.  
  
'You know,' she finally said 'we've been here almost a week. Look at the surroundings. This is practical paradise. What I'm trying to get at is-' Get at what? TELL him what he is to you? TELL him that you love him? He must know. 'I'm sure we have the same feeling for each other, and, well-'  
  
'You think we should stop putting on an act and act on those feelings we have for one another.' Tenchi finished.  
  
Ayeka looked up from her feet. Woah. They MUST be on the same page. Oh crap, this was all going much more smoothly than she expected.  
  
'What I'm really worried about is that one of us wont be here long enough to really get things rolling. I want to be sure we're both on the same level.'  
  
'Trust me,' Tenchi said 'I'm not about to let anything happen to you before we get this sorted out.'  
  
Ayeka took a step closer to Tenchi, almost afraid that he would take a step back. But that was crazy. They both knew how the other felt. Ayeka continued her approach. Tenchi smiled at her as if to assure her that he would not bite or run away.  
  
How long had Tenchi waited for this? Forever. Forever since he saw her step off that space ship she had come in on. And here she was, finally telling him that she loved him. This was great. Nothing could ruin this now.  
  
'Let's go you two.' Jose yelled from the other side of a large tree 'Do that on your own time. Not in front of me.'  
  
'Damn it!' Tenchi mumbled.  
  
'I don't believe this.' Ayeka said, visibly embarrassed.  
  
They began walking down the path that would take them back to the camp, side by side.  
  
Tenchi, surprising himself as much as he did Ayeka, put his arm around her shoulder. Together, they walked back to the camp.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'OK kids.' Jose said 'I'm really sorry about this, but I'm out of ideas for at the minute for Banishment challenges. See, my mother keeps-'  
  
'Wait a second,' Ryoko interrupted 'no banishment challenge means no banishing?'  
  
'Well it seems so.' Jose admitted.  
  
'This is the greatest day of my life!' Mihoshi cheered.  
  
'Basically, if I don't find a challenge in one minute, I guess that-'  
  
Jose stopped in mid sentence.  
  
'Are you ok Jose?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
Jose turned to look at a large, white house on a hill that the survivors had failed to notice until now. A Neon sign had the words 'No Vacancy' glowing in the window. The 'No' was flickering.  
  
'What's that mother?' Jose asked the house 'No, we cant have that, can we mother? Yes mother.'  
  
Jose turned back to the survivors.  
  
'Change in plans children. Mother says that all the banishment challenge will be is to take a shower in the house.'  
  
The survivors looked quizzically at one another.  
  
'You' Jose said, pointing at Ayeka 'you first.'  
  
'What? Um, ok.' She said, following Jose up the path to the house.  
  
'The rest of you.' Jose said as he turned around 'Wait here. This wont take long.  
  
Jose and Ayeka headed up toward the house  
  
. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It did not take too long for Jose to show up again, one person short.  
  
'Mother says the banishment is decided. Ayeka is gone.'  
  
'Gone?' Tenchi said 'what do you mean? She left?'  
  
'in a way.' Jose replied 'the important thing is the bathroom was cleaned. Now, let us all forget about this and go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning.'  
  
'But I don't-' Tenchi started.  
  
'Let it go.' Ryoko said, latching onto Tenchi's back 'The important thing is she's gone.'  
  
'Good night mother.' Jose said as he walked down the path that led to his cabin.  
  
'Well that was a strange turn of events.' Katsuhito. 'A shame really. I like d that girl.'  
  
'Good thing I bathe in the river.' Mihoshi added.  
  
Tenchi looked back to where the house once was. There was now nothing.  
  
Tenchi went to sleep that night telling himself that Ayeka was somewhere safe and in good health.  
  
Yeah, right.  
  
Ayeka is banished! (Bonus points if you can tell me what movie this was ripped off from!)  
  
End of day 12 


	5. Day 13

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 13  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Authors Note: Well, first I'd like to thank Zelda for SO much fun and amusement she has brought us all. The whole Rare Candy thing, genius. It works too trust me. It has been incorporated in so many of her hilarious fics that I had to use it. Please don't kill me Zelda. I'll gladly give you my soul instead.  
  
Tenchi woke up that morning recalling the conversation he had with Ayeka. It felt so good that they were on the same level of respect for one another. Tenchi practically wanted to see Ayeka next to him. Hell with that. Tenchi WANTED to roll over and see Ayeka still asleep next to him.  
  
Tenchi had his back to where Ayeka slept. He checked his watch. 4:45. It was close to an hour to coming to light outside. That meant no one should be awake quite yet.  
  
To roll over and see her next to me, I'd pay almost anything to live that.  
  
Tenchi slowly turned over, savoring the moment. A definite moment to remember. Hearing her tell him that she shared the same feelings he did for her, it was pure heaven. So- she wanted to see him naked?  
  
Tenchi closed his eyes and rolled completely over. He could feel the warmth of another body next to him. This was perfect. Just as he had always dreamed it. Only, minus one evil host, an island and a WHOLE lot of clothes.  
  
Tenchi relaxed knowing that Ayeka was there.  
  
Going for broke.  
  
Tenchi summed up all of the testicular fortitude he had. Slowly and as quietly as humanly possible, he put his right arm around the body that was next to him, not daring to open his eyes.  
  
Tenchi accidentally discovered that the mass of flesh and bone next to him was in fact a female. A tad 'lumpier' than Katsuhito would have been. He quickly moved his hand.  
  
Tenchi, no longer to take it, opened his eyes to see the love of his natural life. Her name was-  
  
Ryoko?  
  
Uh-oh.  
  
Tenchi, ever so slowly, ever so quietly, retreated his hand as to not alert Ryoko that he had touched her in any meaningful way.  
  
Thank god. If she were to move or wake up for that matter-  
  
Ryoko rolled over in half sleep so she was facing Tenchi. She mumbled something about god knows what.  
  
Tenchi closed his eyes and prayed that she didn't wake up.  
  
Tenchi dared to open his eyes. HE was met with a pair of beautiful green ones staring back. Busted.  
  
Ryoko, not saying a word, sat up and compared Tenchi's distance to her and that of where his bedroll was.  
  
'I knew it.' She said quietly 'I knew it all along.'  
  
'No, no.' Tenchi protested 'It's not how it looks. I thought you were someone else.'  
  
'Oh stop kidding.' Ryoko said, poking Tenchi on the nose 'don't you worry. I'll make sure you get something special tonight.'  
  
'No, I really don't-'  
  
Tenchi was cut off when Ryoko dropped on him, adding a lot more force than Tenchi thought either necessary or possible.  
  
'Why me god?' Tenchi asked.  
  
'Because you're the lucky one.' Ryoko said as she tightened her grip.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Outside, Jose had just gotten back from Krispy Kreme Donuts. Knowing that the US Air Force did not want Jose over 170 pounds, Jose decided to share his veritable 'food of the gods' with the cast.  
  
'Hmm,' Jose said as he looked over the still warm goodies 'Is it me, or has it been REAL boring around here lately?'  
  
'What are you planning Jose?' the cameraman asked.  
  
Jose pulled back his over shirt to reveal a belt that holstered 6 red and white balls. Each had a button on the equator of it. Jose was, after all, quite the well-known Pokemon Master.  
  
He dug into his pockets and produced a small plastic case. He shook the container, making sure it held its contents.  
  
'Perfect.' Jose said smiling devilishly.  
  
'What is that?' The cameraman asked as Jose dumped three small capsules into his hand.  
  
Jose held one up between his thumb and index finger. It was actually a small yellow candy that looked as if it had smaller, differently colored candies of the same type glued onto it. (For those of you that have seen Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, it looks like and Everlasting Gob Stopper)  
  
'This,' Jose said to the camera, 'as it zoomed in on the candy 'is Rare Candy.'  
  
'And your hoping for them to what? Level up?'  
  
'Rare Candy has quite the, 'interesting' affects on the human anatomy.' Jose explained 'while in the Pokemon being, the candy reacts with it's aging compound and speeds it up considerably. Aging them so fast they 'level up'.'  
  
'Alright professor,' the cameraman said 'so what happens when a human consumes one?'  
  
'Elementary cactus head.' Jose replied 'once the Rare Candy is ingested, it does not affect the human aging process. With not touching on that system, it bonds with another.'  
  
'Let me guess.' The cameraman said.  
  
'That's right.' Jose said getting excited 'this, while not targeting the aging process, it targets the sex drive.'  
  
'Good god.' The cameraman said.  
  
'This stuff is VERY potent. With any luck, we'll get to see some VERY funny stuff going down.'  
  
'You're sick Jose.' The cameraman said.  
  
'Damn right.' Jose said, visibly proud 'now let's get this rolling.'  
  
Jose put the empty container back in his pocket and began to walk toward the survivor's shanty. Once Jose was about 3 feet away, Jose dug into his pocket and produced a fairly large foghorn. Jose looked pleased with his choice.  
  
Aligning the horn at the front of the hut, Jose calibrated it and stepped back. Sticking plugs in his ears, Jose picked up the control mechanism. Turning to the camera, Jose said:  
  
'Block your ears. This one's going to hurt.'  
  
Jose leaned on the leaver. A huge blast of distinct noise came out of the horn. Jose let the control go, counted to three and leaned on it again. Another blast of noise.  
  
The survivors ran out of their shelter, concerned that it was an air raid siren.  
  
Jose laughed at the survivor's misfortune.  
  
'Good morning campers.' Jose said cheerily 'Hope you all slept well.'  
  
'I know I did.' Ryoko said loudly.  
  
'WHAT?' Tenchi yelled 'DID I FILL THE WELL?'  
  
'Well that was quite the wake up call.' Katsuhito said 'I don't believe that I've been that close to a foghorn before. Truth be told, I don't want to be ever again.'  
  
'Well, I decided that if I was going to be nice to you, before 12:30, I'd have to harass you in the wake up mode.'  
  
'Your going to be nice to us?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'In a way.' Jose admitted.  
  
'Hey! Donuts!' Mihoshi squealed.  
  
'Really?' Katsuhito asked 'It's been a while since I have had a good donut.'  
  
'GOOD donuts?' Jose said 'I'm not about to give you just ANY donuts. I went all out.'  
  
The survivors piled around the box of Krispy Kreme Donuts. Most of the survivors were impressed that Jose had shown mercy on them and gotten them real food.  
  
'Well don't just stand there grasping your hands in pain.' Jose misquoted 'dig in.'  
  
Jose had earlier out some Rare candy into four different donuts.  
  
Jose watched as the survivors grabbed a donut, all-avoiding the drugged ones for the time being.  
  
'You know what would go good with these?' Katsuhito asked out loud to no one.  
  
Jose pulled a thermos out of his back pocket and held it in front of Katsuhito.  
  
He took it and opened it.  
  
'Black, two sugars.' Jose and Katsuhito said at the same time.  
  
'Maybe I was wrong about you.' Katsuhito said to Jose as he took the thermos 'Your NOT an evil shit kicker after all.'  
  
'Thank you.' Jose said 'Anyone else want something to drink?'  
  
'EVERYTHING'S TURNING PINK?' Tenchi shouted.  
  
Jose shook his head in exasperation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
By the time all of the drink orders had been placed, Tenchi had eaten one of the laced donuts.  
  
'That will kick into affect in about 10 minutes.' Jose said to the cameraman, adding an evil chuckle 'I can see it now. Ratings skyrocket due to sex scenes. I'm going to get PAID again!'  
  
Jose watched as Katsuhito strode up to the box of donuts and looked them over. Choosing one, he picked up a laced one.  
  
If he ate that, Jose would see all of his expected sex scenes fall apart.  
  
Jose realized that the ratings ploy might not work if this one was allowed to eat that laced donut.  
  
'Katsuhito!' Jose yelled as he hastily ran over to put a halt to this 'Mr. Misaki, I was hoping to save that one for myself. You know, it's one of my favorites.'  
  
If by that Jose meant 'I was hoping to feed that to Mihoshi later and hang around her to see what I get', he would have been telling the truth.  
  
'No problem.' Katsuhito said as he forked the dangerous donut over 'I'll just take one of these powdered ones.'  
  
Jose sighed as he held the tainted donut. That was too close.  
  
'Cool.' Ryoko said, plucking the donut from Jose's hand. 'The last jelly filled.' She devoured it on the spot, faster than Jose did a bowl of his mother's chili. 'Thanks Jose.' She said as she flipped a small piece at the host.  
  
Jose stared I horrible realization that he had just doomed Tenchi to a very horrible day when he woke up.  
  
'There's a CHANCE it wasn't the tainted one.' Jose said nervously.  
  
'Is it wet around here or is it me?' Jose heard Ryoko yell.  
  
Jose began to wring his hands together in worried silence.  
  
'Oh wait.' Ryoko laughed 'It IS me.'  
  
'This is NOT going to end well.' Jose said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Over the time period of the next 20 minutes, both Tenchi and Ryoko had managed to somehow managed to fine and devour the last two tainted donuts.  
  
'Ok,' Jose said as the camera shot from him to Tenchi and Ryoko being closer than anyone would think to see those two 'This has NOT been one of my best ideas, I'll give you all that much. I've got to do something with these two. I'm more than surprised that they both still have their pants on.'  
  
Katsuhito walked over to where Jose was.  
  
'I'm not sure what's gotten into these kids, but I'm blaming the donuts.' Katsuhito dropped to both of his knees and flung his hands up to the sky 'Damn you donuts!' He yelled 'Why not me?'  
  
'Ew.' Jose said as he shoved him out of the camera's sight 'What am I suppose to do here?'  
  
There was more yelling behind Jose. He turned to look.  
  
'I don't believe this. This ends now.'  
  
Katsuhito and Mihoshi stepped back as Jose separated Tenchi and Ryoko.  
  
'I'm tired of this. Tenchi, you sit there.' Jose pointed to where Tenchi was currently sitting. 'You! Ryoko, come with me.' Jose pulled Ryoko off of Tenchi. She put up some resistance when she was pulled off, but Jose was persistent.  
  
'No-o-o-o-o.' Ryoko drawled on 'I want some sweet, sweet loving.'  
  
Jose shuddered. Ha had to expect this, but not from both of them.  
  
Tenchi followed Jose and Ryoko, giggling about something. The rest of the survivors came as well.  
  
Once Jose was near the shelter, he sat Ryoko in the sand.  
  
'Right here?' She asked 'Well, ok.'  
  
She reached up for Jose's belt buckle, but Jose took a step back.  
  
'Ok, Ryoko.' Jose said 'You're going to sit here, and I'm going to make sure you don't make a move at Tenchi.'  
  
Ryoko beckoned Jose to lean closer. Jose looked suspiciously at her, not moving.  
  
'I just want to tell you a secret.' She said, giggling like a pervert.  
  
Jose sighed and leaned in.  
  
The image was of Ryoko whispering and Jose being far from impressed, but fairly disgusted.  
  
'Secrets, secrets are no fun,' Tenchi taunted in a drugged haze 'Secrets, secrets hurt someone.'  
  
They both laughed at the ridiculous chant. Katsuhito only sighed his lack of amusement.  
  
'I get it now!' Mihoshi claimed 'That IS funny.'  
  
Jose was really regretting this.  
  
'I said,' Ryoko claimed loud enough so the camera could pick up on it 'I'm wearing a thong.'  
  
'That was scaring.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'Your telling me.' Jose agreed.  
  
'I don't see what the problem is.' Mihoshi threw in 'that's all I have with me since we've started this con-'  
  
Jose put a hand over her mouth. She looked at him questionably.  
  
'Don't tell me these types of things.' Jose advised 'I usually act on them.'  
  
'So can I see?' Tenchi laughed, turning red.  
  
'Not now.' She said as she shook a finger at him.  
  
Tenchi pouted.  
  
'Why not?'  
  
'Oh, I can't take any more of this love fist.' Jose said. 'This has to end.'  
  
'Did you say Love Fist?' Mihoshi asked 'Those guys are so super.'  
  
'I hate everyone.' Katsuhito threw in 'Apart from the undead I mean.'  
  
'Shut up! All of you crazy people!" Jose commanded 'I can't take this any more1 Ya'll are driving me nuts! I'm out of here!'  
  
'You can't leave us alone with them!' Katsuhito pleaded 'you can't keep them off of each other, how are WE suppose to? We are mere people!'  
  
'My cat's name is mittens.' Mihoshi said contently.  
  
'I'm merely a normal human!' Katsuhito corrected.  
  
Jose, entirely regretful that he had spiked the pastries, said his good byes and left for his cabin.  
  
'Hey!' Jose heard Katsuhito yell 'you kids knock that off! Save it for AFTER the marriage!'  
  
'What in the world is THAT?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That night, Tenchi and Ryoko still had not come off of their Rare Candy high. On repeated occasions, they would run off into the jungle, only to back 20 minutes later covered I mud.  
  
One such occasion happened over dinner. Katsuhito and Mihoshi had given up against their- Katsuhitos', best interests.  
  
Katsuhito had founds a dead beached Lapris and cut it up into sushi.  
  
While Ryoko and Tenchi were coming back and forth into the jungle, Katsuhito and Mihoshi ate.  
  
At another random interval, Tenchi got up and pulled Ryoko with him. They both ran off into the foliage.  
  
A few minutes later, Ryoko returned.  
  
'Now what's she doing?' Katsuhito asked out loud.  
  
Mihoshi looked over.  
  
Ryoko was digging through a burlap bag. She finally pulled out a carrot and ran off.  
  
'I'm just going to pretend that they are going to EAT that carrot. Remind ME not to eat anything with carrot in it tomorrow.' Mihoshi said as she took another serving of rank sushi.  
  
Katsuhito put his plate down and cried at the thought of what might be happening to perfectly good food.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose spent the rest of the night in his cabin listening to Stairway To Heaven and burning off incense. It was a needed relaxation period.  
  
'I really hope nothing too serious happened.' Jose mused to himself.  
  
Lighting another stick and turning the lights off, Jose went to sleep amid the smell of Summers Moon.  
  
End Of Day 13  
  
Final Words: First off, again, I'd like to extend my thanks to the lovely Zelda. If not for her drunken babblings and drugged up writings, the whole rare candy thing would not work, and I would be having regular sleeping patterns. And yes, I am STILL laughing my ass off at my own ludicrous jokes. 


	6. Day 14

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 14  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Quick Note: I don't own any of the additional, temporary guests in this fic. They are copyrighted material of Naoko Takeuchi, VIZ Entertainment and DIC TV. On the same note, burn in hell Fox TV, I used to wake up at 6:00 AM every Saturday morning to watch that show. You bastards.  
  
Jose rolled off of his bed and onto the floor.  
  
'Shit.' He cursed, barely above a whisper.  
  
It was a good thing Jose closed the windows the night before. And locked them.  
  
Jose reached up his wall and hit the light switch, turning off the remaining lights.  
  
The room was very smoky due to incense. Small rays of early morning light cut sunbeams into the smoke through the small holes in the east wall. Again, more pounding on the door.  
  
Jose reached under his bed and pulled out his SPAS shotgun.  
  
Checking the chamber and magazine, Jose saw that they were empty.  
  
Jose dug deeper under his bed. Next to the nudie mags was a box of shells. Pulling the box out, Jose loaded the magazine to its capacity, filling all 8 shots and one in the chamber.  
  
Content with the loaded auto gun, Jose set the shoulder stock and commando crawled toward the front door.  
  
Jose crawled through the kitchen and into the living room. Once in, Jose could clearly see the door and hear voices.  
  
'This SHOULD be the house.' One person said.  
  
'Are you SURE you read this paper right?' Another asked.  
  
'Probably not.' Another voice 'she IS the blond one after all.'  
  
'Shut up.' Another voice whined 'this is the only house on the island. I'm POSOTIVE Jose is in here.'  
  
'He had better be in here. I'm tired of being set up.' One more voice adding to the 4 count. There was a definite 5 of them.  
  
9 shells and 5 people. This could even out well.  
  
More knocking on the door. Heavy, angry pounding.  
  
Jose leveled the shotgun and aimed it at the top of the door.  
  
From the light streaming in through the cracks in the thatched wall, Jose could see 5 figures moving around.  
  
'I'm going to check a window.' One said. The shadow that was cast on the door moved away. Better to scare them off then have blood on the doorstep.  
  
Jose fired at where the head of the shadow had been.  
  
After a loud noise, a smoking, gaping hole was left on the top of the door.  
  
Whoever was out there screamed.  
  
Screamed? Like- girls? Uh-oh.  
  
'What the HELL was that all about?' One of the girls yelled 'You could have KILLED one of us!'  
  
Jose flipped the safety on and slung the shotgun over his shoulder. He approached the door and opened it.  
  
Due to the odd camera angel, the 5 guests could not bee seen.  
  
'I'm really sorry.' Jose said 'I thought you were someone else.'  
  
'Well, we're all ok, so I guess no harm done, though I'm not sure if you're completely sane.' One of the guests said 'just tell us where to go and what to do.'  
  
What's your rush?' Another girl left 'he IS kind of cute.'  
  
Jose blushed a tad.  
  
'Don't be blond.' The first girl said 'we have to get this done before dark. I've heard about Jose's Hijinx.'  
  
'OK, I wont keep waiting.' Jose said 'Here's what I need the 5 of you to do.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Tenchi woke up with a headache. Any light felt like it split his head right down the middle. He realized this and kept his eyes closed.  
  
Attempting to turn over, Tenchi found it impossible.  
  
Tenchi opened his eyes the tiniest bit and leaned forward to see why this was so.  
  
'Oh shit.'  
  
Ryoko was fast asleep and half lying across Tenchi. He was, for some reason, under a tree and wearing only his shorts. Oh, what a night.  
  
Tenchi closed his eyes again and thumped his head back onto the sand.  
  
Gods, did his head hurt.  
  
Tenchi thought he heard something moving through the foliage to his left.  
  
Was it really WORTH it to move? Aw, life is so full of tough choices.  
  
Tenchi opened a single eye and tilted his head toward the sound.  
  
Tenchi, hardly believing what he was seeing, had just laid eyes on the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  
  
She was close to 6 feet tall, had long blond hair and wore the damnedest orange and white skirt ensemble.  
  
It was official; Tenchi had died, gone to heaven and seen an angel.  
  
'Nineva?' He asked in a quiet, drowsy voice.  
  
He made a move to follow her. And by gun, he'd follow her to the edge of the clouds and back.  
  
But he again found it impossible to move.  
  
Tenchi looked down, and say Ryoko. Well, so much for heaven. Looks like he was in hell.  
  
The apparition of the god-sent beauty had faded. It was only Tenchi and Ryoko under a tree. Ryoko? This was not good. Tenchi had to figure out why the two of them were half naked and together.  
  
Swallowing his fear and a funny taste in his mouth, Tenchi moved to wake Ryoko.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'This will only take a second.' Jose said to his guests that were off camera. 'Go stand in the waiting room and I'll call you out in a minute.'  
  
'By 'waiting room',' the guest that had just returned from a short drink run 'do you mean 'behind those bushes'?'  
  
'Yes.' Jose admitted. 'Now go.'  
  
Jose watched his guests hurry off and began to creep toward the survivor's shelter. He began to chuckle to himself.  
  
Jose picked up the megaphone that was (for some reason) lying next to the shelter. He flicked the power on.  
  
'Testing.' Jose said to the cameraman as he spoke into the amplifier 'Would the woman in the teal Miabatsu please move to the side.'  
  
The cameraman began to laugh. Jose smiled at his own hilarity.  
  
Jose turned to face the survivor's shelter. Cranking up the volume, Jose held down the power button.  
  
'GO-O-O-O-O-OD MORNING VIET NAM!!' Jose shouted 'WAKEY-WAKEY! YOU'RE LISTENING TO 'RISE'! IT'S MORNING AND I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU!'  
  
Katsuhito and Mihoshi bolted out of the shelter due to Jose's voice and constant feedback. They stopped a few feet short of a table that had 6 chairs and a wooden platform in front of it. As well as another banner with a white sheet over it.  
  
'For the love of Peter.' Katsuhito said 'What a wake up call.'  
  
'Ow, my head.' Mihoshi mumbled.  
  
'Hope you all got some sleep. Today is going to be very eventful.'  
  
'Well,' Katsuhito started 'Tenchi and Ryoko finally quieted down a few hours ago, so we practically just went to sleep. Any idea where they are?'  
  
'Well,' Jose said 'It looks like we can begin.'  
  
'Jose,' the cameraman said.  
  
'WHAT?' Jose asked using the megaphone from a distance from 3 feet.  
  
'We're missing two survivors.'  
  
'ARE YOU SURE?' Jose asked.  
  
'Very sure Jose. Tenchi and Ryoko are AWOL.'  
  
'AW CRAP. OK, I GOT AN IDEA.'  
  
Jose put the megaphone down and cupped a hand over his mouth.  
  
'Tenchi! Ryoko!' Jose yelled 'Come on, get back here!'  
  
'Maybe we should go look for them.' Katsuhito offered.  
  
Jose picked up the megaphone again.  
  
'GOOD IDEA. LET'S GO.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose had found Tenchi and Ryoko sitting under a tree, backs to each other and talking.  
  
'What's going on here?' Jose demanded.  
  
'You mean you didn't hear them?' Mihoshi asked 'My Television can't get that loud.'  
  
Tenchi looked up.  
  
'Hey guys,' He said 'did we, um, you know-' He trailed off.  
  
Jose blinked a few times in confusion.  
  
'You mean you don't know?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Well I don't remember anything anyway.' Ryoko admitted.  
  
Mihoshi and Katsuhito looked at Tenchi.  
  
'I thought she drugged ME.' He said in defense.  
  
'So NEITHER of you have any recollection of last night?' Jose asked 'Is that to what I'm understand?'  
  
'That's about it.' Tenchi said.  
  
'Look,' Ryoko said jumping in 'All I want to know is if anything happened last night that I should be almost proud of.'  
  
'Well I'm not about to say anything.' Katsuhito said 'This is your dishwashing liquid, YOU soak in it.'  
  
Tenchi and Ryoko looked longingly at Mihoshi.  
  
'Sorry. I had a pillow over my face for-other-reasons.' Adding the shifting eyes to end her sentence.  
  
'Ok, enough screwing around.' Jose said '(if you were in the first place) we have to get back. I don't want to keep my guests waiting.'  
  
'Guests?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Did they bring food?' Mihoshi asked hopefully.  
  
Ryoko stood up and stretched, her tail stretching with her.  
  
'Oh.' She said realizing it was there 'Guess it's back.'  
  
'Whatever.' Jose replied, shrugging it off.  
  
'Is it me,' Tenchi said as he did a handstand 'or does everyone else feel completely rejuvenated?'  
  
Mihoshi, Katsuhito and Jose shook their heads at the question.  
  
'Oddly enough, I feel great.' Ryoko said as she scaled a tree.  
  
'Odd indeed.' Jose said 'Ok let's go. On to the immunity challenge.'  
  
Tenchi righted himself and Ryoko jumped down from the tree, landing on Tenchi's back.  
  
'Good morning sweetie.' She said as if nothing had happened, thought it might not have.  
  
Tenchi, holding true to character, bolted off down the path, leaving Ryoko levitating.  
  
She followed after him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Oh no.' Tenchi said when he saw the table and stage 'I'm not liking this one bit.'  
  
'I'm afraid to ask what it is.' Ryoko said.  
  
'I really hope it's a dog show.' Mihoshi threw in.  
  
The survivors looked at her. She shrugged.  
  
'Who here likes Karaoke?' Jose asked.  
  
All of the survivors put an arm up.  
  
'OK, who likes singing in front of large groups?'  
  
The survivors dropped their vote.  
  
'Perfect.' Jose said 'Then this will work great.'  
  
'This should be good.' Katsuhito said.  
  
Jose walked over to the sheet covered sign.  
  
'Today's immunity challenge will be a fun one. This will test your ability to perform, act and carry a tune.'  
  
'I don't fall in ANY of those fields!' Mihoshi sobbed.  
  
'Survivors, welcome to Jose's Idol.'  
  
(Cue awesome music)  
  
'Good god.' Ryoko said 'We're going to get sued.'  
  
'Well, because I'm so generous of a person,' Jose began.  
  
'Generous my ass.' One of the survivors said.  
  
'I'm not going to be the only one judging your performance. I have invited 5 guests onto the island to aid me in this trial. Originally, they were going to be where you are, on the island I mean, but a few fell ill so they could not make it. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, anime characters of all ages, survivors all, you know them from the classic hit anime TV series, from their spawned movies, games, books, posters, shirts-'  
  
'Get on with it!' One of the guests yelled from behind the bushes.  
  
'-and a whole lot more franchise, say hello to the girls of the one and only, Sailor Moon.'  
  
Jose gestured with one hand at the blind of shrubs.  
  
(Cue Sailor Moon opening theme)  
  
The survivors stared in awe at their judges.  
  
'We all know them by name, but what the hell? Presenting to the judging panel, in no particular order, Serena, Lita, Rae, Mina and Ami. Oh, it's great you could all make it.' Jose said cheerily.  
  
They all took their seats and Rae tilted her mike so she could talk into it.  
  
'One of us almost DIDN'T make it. I was shot at.'  
  
Jose chuckled nervously and drummed his fingers on one another.  
  
'You'll have to excuse her.' Ami said 'She's the violent on.'  
  
'I see.' Jose said.  
  
'Can we discuss this later?' Mina asked 'I want to do this and get out of here.'  
  
'I don't mind staying.' Serena threw in 'There's pure, unrefined cocoa on the island.'  
  
'You- dumb- blond.' Lita said slowly from the other end of the table.  
  
'I heard that!' Serena yelled from the other end of the table, shaking her fist and standing up 'Don't make me come down there.'  
  
Jose sweat dropped and rubbed the back of his head.  
  
The survivors were talking among one another about how stoked they were that the cast of the world famous anime was here.  
  
'All right gang,' Jose said as the judges continued to argue among one another 'the rules are really simple. You have 15 minutes to pick a song to sing. Your performance will be judged and the best will gain immunity. But since I've been talking to you for 5 minutes, you have 10 minutes to find a song to sing.'  
  
The survivors stared at Jose.  
  
'Go!' Jose said.  
  
'Um, what are we suppose to do besides sit here and think?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'Um, I guess you could, uh,' Jose stammered 'I suppose you could sit here and- think. I'll be back in a few minutes.'  
  
Jose walked in the direction of the judging table. Taking a seat, he reached under the table and pulled out a can of Mountain Dew.  
  
How did you just pull that off?' Mina asked Jose as she pointed at the can.  
  
'Haven't you been watching the show?' Ami asked 'He's been doing stuff like that since the show started.'  
  
'You guys watch the show?' Jose gushed.  
  
'Only when there's nothing else on.' Lita replied 'And I've got 255 channels.'  
  
'I should have thought so.' Jose grumbled 'So, what are you all doing after this mess?'  
  
'Going home.' They all said with effort to save Jose's ego.  
  
'Ow, my ego.' Jose said.  
  
'Leggo' my ego.' Serena said.  
  
'What moron.' Mina said quietly.  
  
Jose checked his watch. It had been a good 8 minutes, give or take 5. Close enough.  
  
'Ok survivors.' Jose called 'send on the first contestant.'  
  
There was an audible argument between the remaining cast members. Jose tapped his fingers on the table. After a minute or two, Ryoko stepped out on stage.  
  
'Well look who's here.' Jose said 'Ok Ryoko, what are you going to be singing for us?'  
  
'I'm going to sing 'I Got You Babe' by Sonny and Cher.' Ryoko informed the judges.  
  
'Sounds fine to me.' Mina said 'whenever your ready.'  
  
'Alright then.' Ryoko said.  
  
'I got you babe. I got you babe. They say our love won't pay the rent before it's earned; our money's all been spent.' Ryoko lifted her tail up the microphone as if it was singing Sonny's part of the song. 'I got you babe. I got you babe.' Again, her tail was brought up to the microphone 'and when I'm sad, you're a clown and if I get scared, you're always around. So let them say your hair's too long 'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong.'  
  
Jose was listening to the song, but realized that two of the girls were not when they began to argue again.  
  
'You know what that's like, don't you Serena?' Lita asked out loud.  
  
'What?' Serena yelled 'I heard that!'  
  
'Here we go again.' Rae said 'Go ahead Ryoko. Continue.'  
  
'Don't worry about it.' Jose said 'I think we can judge off of that.' God, she was so far off it was sad. 'Serena, what do you think?'  
  
'Horrible.'  
  
'Rae?' Ami asked 'What do you think?'  
  
'The only way that could have been better was if you did not sing at all.'  
  
'That bad?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'Yes.' Mina agreed 'That bad.'  
  
'I think it was fine.' Lita said.  
  
'You're just saying that because I didn't like it!' Serena shouted.  
  
'Will you both SHUT UP!' Rae yelled 'I'm getting a headache.'  
  
'Well,' Ami said 'I think you sucked. And that's putting it nicely. Jose?'  
  
Jose looked up from the table he had fallen face first on.  
  
'That sounded worse than a chicken caught in a tractors nuts.'  
  
Ryoko and the judges stared at Jose.  
  
'I guess I'll be getting off the stage now.' Ryoko said sullenly.  
  
'Thank god.' Mina said.  
  
'Send in the next contestant!' Serena yelled, getting hit with an empty can of Mountain Dew afterwards.  
  
'That's MY line!' Jose yelled.  
  
Katsuhito stepped into view. He bowed to the judges. The girls bowed back. Jose weakly saluted him.  
  
'What have you got for us Mr. Misaki?' Mina asked.  
  
'Please, please.' HE said 'Call me Katsuhito.'  
  
Mina smiled and blushed a bit.  
  
'Katsuhito it is.' She said.  
  
'What are you going to sing?' Lita asked.  
  
'I'm going to be singing 'Self Esteem' by the Off Spring.' Katsuhito replied.  
  
'Please don't.' Rae said 'I like that song.'  
  
'Fine.' Katsuhito sighed. 'I'll sing 'Beyond The Sea'.'  
  
'What song?' Mina asked.  
  
'It's an older song that Joe the Yankee sued to sing in the 40's.' Katsuhito explained.  
  
Jose perked at the mention of the 40's.  
  
'Not to worry.' Jose said 'I know the song.'  
  
'Whenever your ready.' Ami said.  
  
Katsuhito took a few breaths and found the tune within.  
  
'Somewhere beyond the sea. Somewhere, waiting for me, my lover stands on golden sands and watches the ships as they go sailing.'  
  
Katsuhito was not that impressive, throwing a few notes here and there.  
  
'Somewhere, um-' He hummed a few missing lines. Missed lines being the rest of the song. 'Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars.' He continued on a new song, off key even. 'Fly me to the-'  
  
'That's' great.' Lita interrupted. 'That will be fine. Mina, what's the word?'  
  
'Well, I liked the original song, I'm sure it was a nice one, but you really lost it after a few lines. I say no.'  
  
Rae took the papers away from her face. She looked like she was in pain.  
  
'One word.' She said 'Ow.'  
  
'Well, I put some thought into it,' Serena said.  
  
'First time for everything.' Mina observed.  
  
'You got that right.' Rae agreed.  
  
'But I don't think it was that great.' Serena finished.  
  
'Nice observation.' Ami said 'I vote the same. Not too hot.'  
  
'Well,' Lita said 'at the risk of being the unpopular one, I'm going to have to say it blew. Horribly. Jose?'  
  
'Good god man.' Jose said 'I wish someone WOULD send you to the moon, lest anyone hear you sing again.'  
  
'Except the Apollo landing site.' Serena said happily.  
  
'Right.' Jose said, as he looked at her in a confused fashion.  
  
'We'll keep your name on the list.' Rae said.  
  
'Cop a walk.' Jose yelled.  
  
Katsuhito strolled off stage.  
  
'What a pain parade.' Jose said 'I'm starting to regret this.'  
  
'Well it could be a lot worse.' Ami said.  
  
'How could it POSSIBLY be worse?' Lita asked.  
  
'Someone could sing a Jackson song.' Serena offered.  
  
'Next!' Jose yelled.  
  
'After a few seconds, and someone audibly walking into assorted sound equipment and other such stuffs, Mihoshi stepped onto the stage.  
  
'Look, another blond!' Serena cheered.  
  
Mihoshi looked at her with a glimmer of recognition.  
  
'Hey,' she said 'I've seen you guys on TV before I think.'  
  
Boy, she sure drew to that conclusion.  
  
'Look,' Lita whispered to Jose 'It's the Serena of your island.'  
  
Jose laughed at the prime example of comparison. She was right. Mihoshi was JUST like Serena.  
  
'All right. What are you going to sing for us?' Jose asked the blond on stage.  
  
Mina leaned back in her seat and poked Jose with a meter stick. Jose looked over.  
  
'Even though I'm one of her types, blond I mean,' she said 'I'm not just going to give this to her. She's going to have to earn it like everyone else.'  
  
Jose nodded. A true judge indeed.  
  
'I'm going to be singing the 70's hit, 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees.' Mihoshi said proudly.  
  
'Funky.' Mina replied.  
  
'I can dig it.' Jose proclaimed.  
  
'Who?' Serena asked.  
  
She was promptly hit with a meter stick.  
  
'Go ahead anyway.' Serena said 'When your ready.'  
  
Mihoshi closed her eyes and went through the lyrics. Content that she knew them, she began, shaky at first, but fell into it quickly.  
  
'Well you can tell by the way I walk that I'm a woman's man; no time to talk. Music loud and women warm, I've been kicking around since I've been born.'  
  
'Check it out Lita,' Serena called to her as Mihoshi continued to sing 'Is this your song or what?'  
  
'Shut up.' Lita growled.  
  
The rest of the girls giggled about something. Jose stayed confused.  
  
'Ah, ha, ha, ha, staying alive, staying alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha staying ali-I- I-I-I-I-I-I-ve!'  
  
'I heard you singing that yesterday.' Serena prodded 'only I think you had some seriousness in it.'  
  
The other girls kept quiet over that one. Lita produced a black squiggle over her head that dissipated after she fumed it off.  
  
'That will do.' Jose said, holding up his hand 'Thank you Mihoshi. That was judge-able.'  
  
'Um, thanks?' She said unsure if that was a real word or not.  
  
'Ok,' Jose said 'Starting at the other end. What do we think?'  
  
Serena, still laughing, managed to get a hold on her words.  
  
'Great.' She said 'Very nostalgic. And entertaining.'  
  
'It was good,' Ami said 'but not something I'd dance to. And don't dance when you sing. That killed it.'  
  
'It was half decent.' Rae said as she played with a Zippo lighter. 'I'm not about to go up there and show you up, but it was decent. I enjoyed it.'  
  
'Speaking as a fellow blond, that was good for one of us.' Mina said 'though I did NOT enjoy the dancing. If you got rid of that, I'd say you did great.'  
  
'Um, ok.' Mihoshi said smiling.  
  
'Sucked.' Lita said heatedly. 'Bad choice song, bad performance.'  
  
'Your just angry because it sums you up so well.' Serena said 'If she had sung anything else, you'd have loved it.'  
  
'Can it!' Lita yelled, possibly not far from pulling a gun on someone.  
  
'Calm down.' Jose said 'Take it easy; this will be done in a few minutes. My call now?'  
  
'Your call.' Ami confirmed.  
  
'Alright, um, I personally LOVE the song, I mean, Travolta strutted to it.' Jose laughed 'But I really think the standing seizure hurt your score.'  
  
"Standing seizure'?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'Your 'dancing'.' Jose said 'If you did anything else, like just sing, I think you would have had it.'  
  
'Thanks.' Rae said 'Your all set to go.'  
  
'Thank you.' Mihoshi said. She moved to step off the stage, but tripped and fell face first in the sand. She stood up, brushed herself off and walked off.  
  
'Such a nice girl.' Mina said.  
  
'Lock her up Jose.' Rae said 'Or else Lita's going to find her.'  
  
Lita jumped up at the mention of her name.  
  
'You too!?' She demanded 'What do I have to do to keep you people off my back?'  
  
'Back nothing.' Serena put in 'I heard she takes the top.'  
  
Jose laughed at Lita's misfortune.  
  
'I am so tired of this.' She yelled 'I don't know why I hang around.'  
  
'Calm yourself out.' Jose said 'we have one more contestant. NEXT!' Jose yelled.  
  
Tenchi walked onto the stage.  
  
'Tenchi,' Jose said 'good to see you.'  
  
Tenchi nodded his thanks, obviously not concerned with Jose.  
  
'What song will you be singing?' Jose asked.  
  
Tenchi did not move or speak. He just kept his eyes locked on the judges that were not Jose.  
  
'Hey!' Jose tried again.  
  
Tenchi shook his head and looked at Jose.  
  
'What?' He asked.  
  
'WHAT- ARE- YOU-SINGING?' Jose asked again.  
  
'Um, 'Don't want to Close My Eyes.' Tenchi said 'By Aerosmith.  
  
'This is worse than something I'd try to pull.' Jose whispered to Lita.  
  
She seemed far from caring, let alone breathing.  
  
'Eesh.' Jose through his teeth before leaning back in his chair.  
  
'Anytime your ready.' Ami said.  
  
Tenchi started without hesitation.  
  
'I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep because I miss you babe. I don't want to miss a thing.'  
  
Tenchi continued on with the song.  
  
Jose did not pay too much attention to the song, seeing as how it was directed at the girls. Jose, feeling obligated to do something, pulled out his copy of the Anarchists Cookbook.  
  
For one reason or another, Tenchi thought it necessary to continue on with the song until he reached the end. To top it off, the girls let him.  
  
As Tenchi neared the end of the song, Jose looked up.  
  
From nowhere, Tenchi had produced 5 flowers and proceeded to hand them out to the 5 female judges. If this was an attempt to carry someone's favor, it was a sad attempt.  
  
Tenchi finished off the song and stepped back onto the platform.  
  
Jose put down his book.  
  
'You first.' Jose said as he pointed to Serena.  
  
'I thought you could have picked a better song. Personally, I HATE Aerosmith.'  
  
A copy of the Anarchists Cookbook crashed upside Serena's head. It slammed to halt and fell to the ground. She continued on un-phased.  
  
'But the flowers were a nice touch.'  
  
'Regardless of my brainless friend, I LOVE Aerosmith. Thought I would rather have heard Sweet Emotion, it was only decent.' Ami smiled 'and thanks for the flower. It matches the dozen Jose got me.'  
  
Jose turned a shade of red and looked at the sky.  
  
'The song was going down hill,' Rae said 'but the flowers just saved it. Decent at best.'  
  
'I don't understand you guys.' Mina said 'Ya'll are hung up on the flower you got. While I'm not complaining, I think you should be judging his singing and not his actions toward you.'  
  
'Stow it.' Rae said.  
  
'I mean, I'm grateful and all, but we've all focused on the wrong things.'  
  
Mina passed on to Lita without her vote.  
  
'The song was great.' Lita said 'But unlike my friends, I came far from appreciating the flower.'  
  
That said, she tossed it behind her. Something shattered.  
  
'Lesbian.' Serena said out loud.  
  
'That does it!' Lita yelled 'I'm tired of this! Stop saying that!'  
  
'Cram it.' Rae said 'We all know it's true.'  
  
'You should see this girl's hard drive.' Ami agreed. It's PACKED with porn. I had to reboot it twice because she has so many copies of that Paris Hilton video.'  
  
'I do not!' Lita retorted.  
  
'Oh for the love of god.' Mina said 'Tell them we're an item and move on.'  
  
'You promised you'd never say anything!' Lita roared.  
  
Jose and the three other girls stared at the two.  
  
'And let's not forget that whole Rini charade.' Serena trailed off 'I'm STILL disgusted about that one.'  
  
'Leave her out of this!' Mina warned 'She ASKED to join.'  
  
Jose put up his hands and shook his head as the cast continued to accuse and argue.  
  
'Good song choice, bad performance.' Jose said 'Go and I'll call all of you all when we have a decision made.  
  
Tenchi nodded and walked off.  
  
'And stay out of my underwear drawer!' Ami yelled at Mina.  
  
'What a headache.' Jose said over the quarreling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The survivors were called back onto the stage close to half an hour later.  
  
The set had practically changed from Jose's Idol to the Jose Springer Show. Jose quickly tossed the microphone away.  
  
'OK,' Jose said 'Since we have had some difficulties with the judges, this has been real easy.'  
  
The survivors looked on in confusion.  
  
'I'm happy to say that you all sucked, and there will be no immunity granted to any of you.'  
  
'That's not good.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'Your telling me.' Ryoko agreed.  
  
Jose dismissed the survivors to their site and continued to debate with the girls.  
  
Sure, Jose might not have had a chance with any of them, but this was damn entertaining to listen to.  
  
'So,' Jose said at a random interval 'Do any of you plan on coming back to participate on the next Survivor?'  
  
'No.' Serena said quickly.  
  
'I think not.' Ami said.  
  
'You're joking, right?' Rae asked.  
  
'You've lost it if you think I'm coming back.' Mina replied.  
  
'Now who am I suppose to spend time with?' Lita whined.  
  
'I vote Rini.' Rae said during a laugh from her, Ami and Serena.  
  
'Fuck you!' Lita yelled.  
  
End Of Day 14  
  
Final Words: Hope you all like d the cross over. Don't expect too many more. 


	7. Day 15

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 14  
  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
Morning came one too fast for everyone that day for everyone. None of the survivors had gotten much sleep at all the night before, in fear that the interest in this game was sinking and they could all get banished that morning. Jose did not get too much sleep either obviously. He came running up the next morning, yelling something about guests, camera and videotape. As if to prove a point, Jose pulled an unlabeled black tape out of his pocket.  
  
After spiking it, doing a merry jig, he picked it up, dusted it off and replaced it back in his pocket. A strange kid indeed. Jose excused himself for a short time due to some 'business' he had to take care of. Something about getting a room cleaned up and extracting the smell of patchouli oil and something else.  
  
'Are any of you worried about today's banishment challenge?' Ryoko asked as she clung to Tenchi.  
  
'A little.' Katsuhito admitted 'I'm mainly worried that he'll pull some kind of stunt and sabotage one of us just to see us fail miserably.'  
  
'I hope its not boning fish.' Mihoshi said 'Yuck. Fish guts.' She cringed at the thought of slicing open a fish and having to manually pull out it's insides.  
  
'There's only one thing on this island that Jose wants to bone.' Tenchi said.  
  
Katsuhito and Ryoko laughed.  
  
'I don't get it.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'I say we screw around with Jose's mind.' Ryoko offered 'See how HE likes it.'  
  
'Remember what happened the LAST time we tried offering Mihoshi up as a sacrifice?' Katsuhito asked 'Jose knew that it was too easy, and he lit the gasoline soaked wood. Need I remind you that it was AROUND us?'  
  
'I don't think Mihoshi would have liked that too much.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'So what are we going to do?' Ryoko asked 'Just play along and let Jose pull our strings so we all suffer?'  
  
'That's the jist of it.' Katsuhito replied evenly.  
  
'I figured that out a LONG time ago.' Tenchi said.  
  
'But he can't legally do these things to us.'  
  
'Sure he can.' Tenchi said 'We signed a waiver.'  
  
"Waiver'?' Ryoko repeated.  
  
'A waiver is something you sign saying that you will hold a certain person 'not responsible' for everything that happens to you.' Mihoshi said.  
  
The survivors stared at her.  
  
'Webster's defines 'Waiver' as 'the intentional relinquishment of a right or claim'. By signing that contract, you gave Jose permission to do anything to you.'  
  
'Why can we never ALWAYS expect this out of you?' Katsuhito asked Mihoshi.  
  
'I'm a blond, pop's.' She reminded him.  
  
'Right.' He replied.  
  
'So things could be a lot worse.' Tenchi said 'by right he could marinade us in steak sauce and grill us.' Tenchi looked over at Mihoshi who he thought was not paying attention. She was smearing her arm in a brown liquid. 'What are you doing?'  
  
'Applying my daily steak sauce.' She replied.  
  
'Did Jose tell you to do that?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Yup.' She replied.  
  
'Only I'm not sure if he wants to grill her.' Ryoko threw in.  
  
Jose strolled into the survivor's campsite. He was sporting the usual. A Red shirt that had a picture f everyone's favorite The Cheat, a pair of black shorts that ended two inches below his knees and a pair of black sandals. A fashion nightmare.  
  
'Aloha survivors.' Jose said 'I've got some good news and some bad news for you.'  
  
'This is far from a good sign.' Tenchi observed.  
  
'The good news is that a new prize has been issued for winning this contest.'  
  
'I don't remember the first prize we were offered.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'Originally the prize was a working replica of Kaneda's super bike, the red one from Akira, and a month's trip to a private island resort. But as you can see, that does not make much sense.'  
  
'You're telling me.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'So what's the new prize?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'A years trip for two to anywhere in the world.' Jose said.  
  
The survivors stared at Jose.  
  
'And half a million dollars.' Jose added.  
  
More stupefied silence followed.  
  
'Now THAT'S motivation.' Katsuhito finally said.  
  
'Now, I don't want any of you going bonkers over this. In fact, don't even mention it. It will only complicate things and cause mass confusion.'  
  
'So what's the bad news?' Tenchi finally managed to ask.  
  
'Oh, I almost forget.' Jose said 'The bad news.'  
  
Ryoko smacked Tenchi upside the head.  
  
'You HAD to say something.' She hissed.  
  
'Don't worry.' Jose said 'It's just about today's banishment challenge. Real easy.'  
  
'I've heard that before.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'So what have you got today for us?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
Jose pulled a nasty looking .357 Magnum revolver out from under his shirt. The shoulder holster was now empty.  
  
'Russian Roulette.' Jose said.  
  
Tenchi fell over from shock.  
  
'Who's first?' Jose asked.  
  
Ryoko and Katsuhito pointed at each other. Mihoshi, pointed between Katsuhito and Ryoko, but got confused and ended up pointing at her self.  
  
Jose laughed. Quite hard too.  
  
'It's a good thing I like you guys.' Jose said as he holstered his pistol. 'I'm not about to shoot any of you on public access. Now if this were a pay- per-view-' Jose trailed off.  
  
Both Ryoko and Katsuhito forced a chuckle.  
  
'Actually, the real challenge is down the beach. Pick up Tenchi and follow me.'  
  
Katsuhito and Ryoko dragged Tenchi through the sand and they and Mihoshi followed Jose.  
  
'This is getting weird.' Ryoko said.  
  
'No kidding.' Katsuhito replied 'It's been almost 10 minutes and Jose has yet to make a pass at Mihoshi.'  
  
'I was taking about the fact that Jose is starting to get more and more dangerous about his jokes.'  
  
'Oh.' Katsuhito replied.  
  
Jose led the survivors to a secluded part of the beach. By the time he had reached this stretch of sand and water, Tenchi had regained full consciousness.  
  
On the beach, Jose had already had a small setup. There was a cardboard box that had some kind of white body suit, a different covered box that was making strange buzzing noises, and a large jar that had a spoon in it.  
  
'First off,' Jose said 'Does anyone have allergies to ANY types of insects?'  
  
Mihoshi looked around and slowly raised her hand. Jose pointed at her, signaling for a response.  
  
'Butterflies.' She sighed.  
  
'Butterflies?' Jose replied.  
  
'Yeah.' She said sadly 'They are so damn cute, but I start sneezing if one lands on me.'  
  
'She can't even have NORMAL allergies without being blond.' Ryoko pointed out.  
  
Jose laughed his reply.  
  
'Trust me Mihoshi, the last thing you'll have to worry about today is butterflies.'  
  
'Ok then.' She said.  
  
'This is a challenge I like to call 'Bee fast, or Bee banished'. Catchy, huh?'  
  
Was that 'be' or 'bee'?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'Yes.' Jose replied as he held up a jar. 'This is our first step. Form a line and step up.' Jose commanded.  
  
Not trusting Jose with even a spoon, Katsuhito, Ryoko and Tenchi pushed Mihoshi ahead of them. She stumbled a little and looked back at them.  
  
'Excellent.' Jose said 'our first victim. I mean, contestant. Stand here and be still.'  
  
Jose tipped the jar over Mihoshi's head. A thick gold colored substance globbed out. Jose began to spread it on the top of Mihoshi's head.  
  
'What is THAT?' Mihoshi questioned as a gob hit the ground next to her foot.  
  
'Don't ask questions.' Jose said 'Just compete.'  
  
Once Jose was content, he told Mihoshi to stand about 10 feet from the buzzing box. She did so, and Jose called up the next contestant.  
  
Tenchi stepped up.  
  
'Don't move.' HE said as he did the same to Tenchi. More of the thick substance on his head spread out and was then dismissed to stand next to Mihoshi.  
  
'Next.' Jose called.  
  
Katsuhito stepped forward.  
  
'Now just take a little off the top.' Katsuhito joked.  
  
'Shove it.' Jose said 'Stay still and don't talk.'  
  
'What a bastard.' Katsuhito mumbled.  
  
Jose added more of the viscous liquid to Katsuhito's long hair.  
  
'Friggin' hippie.' Jose muttered.  
  
Jose spread the substance through Katsuhito's hair, making sure that he did not miss a spot.  
  
'Is this going to take much longer?' Katsuhito asked 'I want to get this done with.'  
  
'I said shove it!' as he roughly spread the liquid through Katsuhito's hair.  
  
'OW!' Katsuhito shrieked 'Let go of my hair man!'  
  
'Now I have talked to you and talked to you until I'm blue in the face and I'm DONE talking to you!' Jose yelled.  
  
'Good,' Katsuhito said 'Does that mean your done spitting on me too?'  
  
'Shut up, I'm not done talking to you! Now stand up!'  
  
Content with his handiwork, Jose pointed in the direction of the other survivors. Taking the hint, Katsuhito walked over to where Tenchi and Mihoshi were. The box continued to buzz angrily.  
  
Jose looked over to the prep line. Only one person left.  
  
'And last but not least,' Jose announced 'the one and only queen of Sheba. Ryoko, step forward.'  
  
Far from amused, Ryoko walked forward and stood next to Jose.  
  
'Assume the position.' Jose said.  
  
Ryoko slapped him from left to right.  
  
'Not THAT one.' Jose said. 'Lean forward.'  
  
Ryoko, none the remorseful, put her head below the said 'liquid line'. Jose obliged and started applying the viscous liquid to her hair.  
  
'You're all very lucky people.' Jose said.  
  
'How so?' Ryoko demanded.  
  
'Normally, this would cost hundreds anywhere else. Then again, it's never been this dangerous of a stunt.'  
  
'Are you still talking?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'Yes.' Jose said 'Now as I was saying, this stunt has never been done before, mainly because no one but me has access to nuclear radiation.'  
  
'Are you still babbling?' Ryoko asked again.  
  
'Yes.' Jose said dejectedly. No one EVER listens to Jose, let alone understands him.  
  
As Jose was deep in thought, Ryoko stole a taste of the substance that Jose had added to her hair.  
  
'What the hell-?' Ryoko said 'honey?'  
  
Jose looked up as Ryoko stood up. Jose was none too happy that she had dared taste what he was using.  
  
'What's the deal with this?' Ryoko demanded 'Do you have any idea what kind of wildlife this honey is going to attract?'  
  
'I do in fact.' Jose replied 'and I'd appreciate if it you did not call it 'honey'.'  
  
Ryoko looked at him quizzically.  
  
'This is 100% pure Kir-Bee Honey. Grown and harvested in the Mendola backyard. It's 'Honey', not 'honey'.'  
  
'So what exactly do you have planned for us if we have Honey on out heads?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
Te chi looked on for an answer as Mihoshi kept trying to look at the top of her head.  
  
'Part 2 of the challenge,' Jose began 'is this suit I get to wear.'  
  
Jose walked over to his cardboard box and pulled out a white body suit. More or less, it was a painter's suit.  
  
After putting it on and zipping up the front, Jose donned a screen-in hat and a pair of thick gloves.  
  
'I don't like the looks of this.' Ryoko said.  
  
Tenchi nodded in agreement.  
  
'This is a bee suit.' Jose said as he tied up the bottom of his hat screen 'this renders me 99% invincible to any type of bee attack.'  
  
'So you're going to release bees on us?' Mihoshi asked in an alarming tone.  
  
'Not just any bees,' Jose said as he walked over to the buzzing box the survivors were standing next to.  
  
The survivors stepped back as Jose whisked the sheet off the top.  
  
'Radioactively mutated laser bees.' Jose said.  
  
'Killer bees!' Tenchi said enthusiastically.  
  
'K-killer bees?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Absolutely Katsuhito, killer bees.' Tenchi replied.  
  
'Well what about them?' Jose asked.  
  
'Did you know that if the current migration route north continues, we will all be dead in three years? Do you want to become a bee's supper? I don't. That is why we must act now. Killer bees must be stopped!'  
  
'Well that seems kind of dangerous,' Mihoshi said 'I mean, killer bees swarming.'  
  
'Bah.' Tenchi said as he blew off the comment 'But the bees are nothing compared to ants. You cannot kill them. They are like sheep. They are going to take over.'  
  
'That's it.' Jose said 'You have all lost it.'  
  
'I never head it.' Mihoshi chimed in.  
  
'The rules are simple.' Jose started 'The super heated bees are released, you have to run and the first to fall due to bees is henceforth banished.'  
  
'We are going to die.' Ryoko said.  
  
'I wouldn't doubt it.' Katsuhito replied.  
  
'Now, if all of you are ready, fall into position and I'll begin with releasing the bees.'  
  
'So what's going to stop the bees once they are released?' Tenchi asked 'I mean, you have a way to call them off, right?'  
  
'In a sense,' Jose said 'but I'm sure exhaustion will kick in before I throw myself in front of the genetically altered bees.'  
  
'Our exhaustion or the bee's exhaustion?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'I don't know.' Jose grunted. 'Look, just get ready to run. I'm going to open this thing real soon. Any last requests?'  
  
'Yeah.' Mihoshi said 'Don't open the box.'  
  
'Denied.' Jose said as he flipped open the lid.  
  
The survivors bolted at the sight of a cloud, 42000 strong, of superheated bees. The bees caught smell of the Honey and made a bee line (pun intended) for it.  
  
The survivors wheeled for the water.  
  
'The water is off limits!' Jose yelled 'Those who venture in will get speared by US Special Forces Frog Men!'  
  
'I don't believe that!' Katsuhito yelled.  
  
'Your right, I lied.' Jose shouted back 'You'll be shot at with my AR15, complete with Hellfire switch.' As if t proves his point, Jose pulled an assault rifle out of the foliage to his right and loosed a few rounds into the air. The survivors immediately turned from the water.  
  
'They look just like a flock of birds.' Jose marveled as the survivors moved and dodged in the same pattern.  
  
The view of the camera began to withdraw from José.  
  
'Um, Jose?' The cameraman said 'They're, uh-, they're flocking this way.'  
  
'What?' Jose asked as he turned around.  
  
The cameraman dove out of the path of chaos as Jose was trampled by the stampede of the four survivors.  
  
'Ow.' Jose mumbled.  
  
Jose returned to his feet and again watched the survivors torment. AS novel as the idea of bees and Honey was the night before, being trampled was not as humorous.  
  
'Aces.' Jose said as Katsuhito stumbled and fell in the sand. To Jose's dismay, the bees passed right over him, not noticing he was there. "Damn.' Jose said quietly.  
  
The survivors continued to run around in wide circles, still hoping to outrun the bees. The possibility of any normal swarm of angry bees figuring out the pattern of travel had the odds of slim to nil. But these were no ordinary bees.  
  
The swarm of heated bees, all 41999 bees (One dead), stopped as a whole and formed a wall.  
  
The survivors made another lap, and saw what they were heading for. Thinking fast, Katsuhito picked up Tenchi and held him like a riot shield in front of him.  
  
'What are you doing?' Tenchi demanded.  
  
'Surviving.' Katsuhito said.  
  
Using Tenchi as a shield, Katsuhito barreled right through the wall of bees. Ryoko and Mihoshi broke left.  
  
'Oh! Hot mamma!' Katsuhito yelled as he ran right into the wall, disappearing into the black cloud.  
  
'Ye-e-eow!' Tenchi yelled in a familiar voice 'hot bees!'  
  
Mihoshi and Ryoko skidded to a halt to watch the swarm engulf Tenchi and Katsuhito.  
  
'I hate bees!' Katsuhito yelled ''Ow! I'm going to punch you in the face!'  
  
Jose looked quizzically at the swarm.  
  
'Fuck bees!' Katsuhito yelled.  
  
A bee flew backwards out of the cloud, impacting on a tree next to Jose. It had indeed been punched in the face.  
  
'Stupid bees!' Katsuhito yelled 'Take that! And some of this! This one's for your mother!' Katsuhito continued to verbally abuse the bees and punch them.  
  
Possible? No. How this was happening was beyond Jose.  
  
Little by little, the cloud diminished until the bees were either knocked out or had fled the wrath of Katsuhito.  
  
Katsuhito stood panting amid downed insects. He looked around.  
  
'Just like that.' He said.  
  
'Well I'll be damned.' Jose said 'He did it.'  
  
Mihoshi and Ryoko walked over to where Katsuhito stood. Jose went to join them.  
  
On the ground among the bees was Tenchi. Indented on his forehead was the imprint of Katsuhito's knuckle.  
  
'That doesn't count!' Ryoko yelled 'Tenchi fell because Katsuhito knocked him out!'  
  
Mihoshi kneeled down next to Tenchi. She looked over all of his exposed skin.  
  
'You know Katsuhito,' Jose said 'If I can't find a bee sting on this kid, I'll have to rule you off of the island for cheating.'  
  
'Found one.' Mihoshi said, pointing at Tenchi's forehead.  
  
'Mihoshi,' Ryoko said calmly 'this is a fist dent.'  
  
'No, not that.' Mihoshi said I her defense. 'This.'  
  
Katsuhito, Ryoko and Jose walked over and looked down at Tenchi.  
  
There was indeed a bee sting right in the middle of Katsuhito's fist mark.  
  
'Explain what happened here.' Jose said to Katsuhito.  
  
'Well, I was opening up a case of whoop ass, as you may have seen,'  
  
'Indeed.' Jose said.  
  
'So I was punching bees left and right, not really looking, just punching, so I see this one bee land on Tenchi's head. It stung him, and then I punched it, getting revenge for stinging him. It's just too bad that it was still on Tenchi's head when I punched it.'  
  
'So what happened here,' Jose began trying to sum it all up 'Was Tenchi got stung, THEN punched, then fell.'  
  
'Correct.' Katsuhito replied.  
  
'Sounds solid to me.' Mihoshi said.  
  
Jose stood in deep thought.  
  
'The ruling on the field,' Jose finally said 'is that Tenchi was stung then fell. The cause of the fall, bee sting or fist, is not applicable, but it obvious that if the bee had not stung him, he would have stayed up after the knock out blow by Katsuhito. The same rules apply, and Tenchi is banished.'  
  
'Woo-hoo!' Katsuhito and Mihoshi cheered.  
  
'No!' Ryoko yelled. 'Now what am I suppose to do?'  
  
Katsuhito took a step backward and Jose took a step forward.  
  
'And that's the game sport fans.' Jose said as he turned to the survivors. 'Get some sleep kids; it's a big day tomorrow. And with only three of you left, things are going to get interesting.'  
  
As the survivors walked off, Jose turned to the cameraman.  
  
'Get this kid out of here. And be sure it's a boat bound for home too. I don't want another letter saying that another of my contestants has been hijacked by the Chinese Slave Labor Industry again.'  
  
'You got it.' The cameraman replied.  
  
'Oh, I can't wait until this is over.' Jose said 'Just a few more days.'  
  
Tenchi is banished!  
  
End of day 15 


	8. Day 16

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 16  
  
Jose Philipe Mendola  
  
It was 10:00 when the cameraman showed up at Jose's doorstep. After a brief pause of silence, probably Jose checking his pistol, Jose opened the door. The cameraman followed Jose into his shack. Everything looked like it was in working order, but one could never tell with Jose.  
  
'So what have you been up to all morning?' The cameraman asked. Jose led him out the back door and into what would serve as a backyard.  
  
It was littered with drums of gasoline and boxes of ivory soap.  
  
'Say Jose,' the cameraman asked 'what's with the drums of gas?'  
  
'Oh,' Jose said as if he just realized that he neglected to cover them 'they're drums of gas for my new product I'm marketing.'  
  
'Interesting.' The cameraman said 'and the soap?'  
  
'Well, I'm taking a bowie knife to the bars and shaving them, so once I have enough I can add gas to it, mix it until it has the consistency of clay, stuff it into bottles and market it as 'Jose's Brand Napalm'. Look.'  
  
Jose held up his beta bottle. It had a green label with a pencil shade of his face. Above it, in orange lettering, the letters read 'Jose's Brand Napalm'. Below Jose's mug was the trademarked, copyrighted phrase 'Defiantly NOT for Drinking'.  
  
'Jose,' the cameraman said 'you're insane.'  
  
'That I am.' Jose said 'I tend to get that a lot.'  
  
'So what's on the agenda today?' The cameramen asked.  
  
'The what now?' Jose asked.  
  
'What's the game plan? You can't just let the survivors off for the day. There's only three of them left.'  
  
'You're right.' Jose said as he dropped the bottle of napalm 'I have to think of something extremely evil. Something SO horrible, it will be remembered in history forever.'  
  
'So start thinking.' The cameraman replied 'I'm sure that no one wants to see you hang around here all day making Napalm.'  
  
'Are you sure?' Jose asked.  
  
'Almost 100% Jose.' The cameraman answered.  
  
'Ok, ok,' Jose said 'let's see, we already had special guests, had a scavenger hunt, did a water test, had BT, ate a cast member, shot some stuff-' Jose trailed off.  
  
'Don't tell me your out of ideas?' The cameraman pressed.  
  
'Be still Taggart, be still.' Jose urged 'My mind is a raging torrent of ideas, cascading into a pool of creativity.'  
  
'Ditto.' The cameraman remarked.  
  
'Ditto?' Jose asked 'Ditto, you pin headed putz? I'm not out of ideas; I just need to think harder. Quickly, hand me the reader polls.'  
  
The cameraman handed Jose a small folder.  
  
'Now let's see what the readers want.' Jose cracked the seal and pulled out a single paper. 'This is it?' Jose asked 'this is IT for readers?'  
  
'I'm afraid so.' The cameraman said 'Is it still possible to work off of it?'  
  
'Just so long as at least two of them want the same thing. Let's see, according to this poll, they want to see more sex, cast and crew interviews, me to stop broadcasting all together, a call in radio show, the cast of Sailor Moon to come back and put on a 21+ show, a large pepperoni and green peppers, mushroom, olives, chives, a death threat to me and finally thoughts thus far of the survivors on the island.'  
  
'Well that sounds promising.' The cameraman said.  
  
'You really think the other 4 people that read this will mind if we interview the cast again?'  
  
'As long as you keep it interesting.' The cameraman offered.  
  
'Well, if that's what it's going to take, round up all of the survivors and we'll do another interview.'  
  
'Very cool.' The cameraman said 'I'll go get them.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Katsuhito looked up from his breakfast of Squid and dirt.  
  
'I feel a disturbance in the Force.' He said.  
  
'What?' Ryoko asked as she looked up from the hole she was scraping the rest of her 'food' into.  
  
'It's as if a great pain will come to 3 people very soon.'  
  
'It's probably another of Katsuhito's feelings he has just before something horrible happens.' Mihoshi said 'just ignore it.'  
  
'What should we do?' Ryoko asked 'What's going to happen?'  
  
'I don't know exactly.' Katsuhito admitted 'but I don't think I want to be here when it does. I suggest we leave right now.'  
  
'Where to?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'Anywhere but here.' Ryoko said as she began to look around and sweat 'If Katsuhito says something is going to happen, it's going to.'  
  
'I'm getting out of here!' Katsuhito yelled.  
  
'Wait up!' Ryoko shouted as she ran after him 'I'm right behind you.'  
  
Mihoshi stood on the spot and watched Ryoko and Katsuhito run off.  
  
'I don't get it.' She said to no one 'why would they just take off like that?'  
  
The cameraman came out of the foliage to the right of the camera. He looked around the nearly desolate campsite and walked over toward Mihoshi.  
  
'Where did everyone go?' He asked her.  
  
Mihoshi shrugged.  
  
'I don't know. Katsuhito got another one of his feelings and the two of them took off.'  
  
The cameraman considered the information he was given.  
  
'That's not a good thing.' Jose is not going to be a happy camper.'  
  
'Why's that?' Mihoshi asked 'Did he have something planned?'  
  
'Well, not really, but he was inspired by what the readers want.'  
  
'We have readers?' Mihoshi asked in astonishment.  
  
'I guess so.' The cameraman replied 'well, I have to tell Jose that the rest of his cast took off on him. You should probably come with me.'  
  
Mihoshi shrugged and smiled.  
  
'OK.' She said 'Works for me.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'So they just took off, huh?' Jose asked.  
  
'That's about the size of it.' Mihoshi replied.  
  
'What are the odds that they got off the island?' The cameraman asked.  
  
'Not good at all.' Jose reported 'And if they did, I'd just put contingent B into affect.'  
  
'Contingent B?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'I've taken every possible thing on this island and the water around it and added an enzyme. Once that enzyme is ingested, if searches the body for host cells. Once it has a firm hold on the body, the body requires more of the enzyme to keep its host alive. If the enzyme is not fed, said person will, within 10 hours, slip into a coma and die.'  
  
'So what about the survivors that left the island already?' Mihoshi asked, showing no signs of fear.  
  
'Simple.' Jose said 'They go through a decontamination process before they reach the mainland.'  
  
'And what happens if the decontamination process is not available or is not operational?' Mihoshi questioned, almost getting technical.  
  
'Simply put,' the cameraman said 'all they have to do is eat a food good that has an ant enzyme added to it. Within 10 minutes, the enzyme is totally wiped out of the system.'  
  
'How were you able to conjure this up without the public of the FDA knowing about this?' Mihoshi questioned.  
  
Damn, this girl was getting too chatty. Jose put his hands behind his back and pulled a syringe filled with a clear liquid out of a small case that was connected to his belt loop.  
  
'Well, I had another company aid me in that.' Jose said calmly, ready to jab this girl in the neck and dispose of her body in the ocean 'they were nice enough to take my offer and make the chemical for me. Perhaps you are familiar with Umbrella Corporation?'  
  
Mihoshi thought about it for a minute. Jose got ready to jab her and inject the contents into her blood stream.  
  
'Nope.' She finally said 'Never heard of them.'  
  
Jose was startled.  
  
'Never?' He asked as he replaced the needle.  
  
'Nope. The only umbrella I know of is the one that you use to keep the rain off of your head.'  
  
'Well that's a relief.' Jose said 'I'm going to go suit up and then the three of us will go out looking for these two AWOL survivors.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
On the other side of the island, a black helicopter hovered 50 feet above the trees. On the left side of the aircraft, a sliding door opened. Two ropes, tied off on an eyehook on the floor of the chopper, were dropped. Two men in black assault gear, complete with armor, gas mask and Kevlar helmet slid down the lines.  
  
Crashing through the trees, they landed on their feet. One of the assault troopers signaled to the helicopter. Seconds later, it moved away from the island.  
  
The two black clad troopers un-slung their MP5's and gave a quick look around them. Once eye contact was made between them, one signaled to the other. They hurried off into the blind that was the jungle, handcuffs and 9mm pistols tightly packed on their belts.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Katsuhito made no movement when the men in assault gear first touched down. He was in the bushes three feet away from one when they ran by. Jose must have wanted them back really badly if he had sent for backup. He and Ryoko would have to be extra careful.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose walked out of his hut, connecting the last few pieces of his armor. On Jose's right arm, he wore what looked like an elbow long metal-like glove. Centered on his forearm was a small computer. The armor that covered his chest had bend points that made movement very easy. Jose's legs were similarly armored, with bendable points at his knees, thighs, feet and ankles. Jose's left arm was armored as well, bending at the shoulder, elbow and wrist with individual fingers at the end. All extremities were allowed enough room in the armor to flex when moved. Jose carried a helmet under his left arm. It was fused with computer chips and a visor so he would be able to see out of it.  
  
All of this armor looked very familiar when Jose picked up the staff that's metallic brown and worn silver color matched the suit. The staff itself had what looked like a charge port on the bottom and a nasty point on the other end. The staff was fastened to his back.  
  
'Barely weighs a thing.' Jose said as he walked toward the cameraman and Mihoshi.  
  
'What IS it?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'This is a reproduction of the MCJX24. Predator's armor.'  
  
'I remember that movie.' Mihoshi said 'It used to give me nightmares.'  
  
'Me too.' Jose admitted 'but all of that changed after I bought a working model of his battle suit. This makes urban and jungle warfare possible. This has various capabilities that range from invisibility to sound analyzing. This is the first field test that I'm about to do with it, but I've been screwing around with it since I bought it.'  
  
'It looks like it came right out of the movie.' Mihoshi marveled.  
  
'The only problem is,' Jose began as he put on the helmet and fastened it.  
  
Jose spoke again to finish his sentence, but this time the words pronounced sounded like gravel.  
  
'The voice distortion.'  
  
'That sounds horrible.' The cameraman observed.  
  
Jose shrugged and opened a mouthpiece. It retracted into the helmet.  
  
'There's nothing I can do about that part. I had it looked at by everyone from Exerter to Dr. Oak. They can't do anything for me. But that's ok I suppose. Your not really suppose to talk when your assaulting anyway.'  
  
'Good point.' The cameraman said 'but how is this going to work? How am I suppose to be able to follow you if your cloaked?'  
  
'I'm not going to use that until I detect one of the survivors. After that, just look for signs that I'm around.'  
  
'Got it.' The cameraman replied.  
  
'Now let's move. We have to find these survivors.'  
  
'What about me?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'You stay with the cameraman.' Jose said as he put a claw imbedded hand on Mihoshi's shoulder, causing to cringe a little in fear 'If anything too horrible happens, he has a pistol.'  
  
The cameraman nodded as he flashed his Glok.  
  
'Now let's get moving.' Jose said as he punched a few buttons, causing the mouthpiece to slide back into place and headed into the jungle. The cameraman and Mihoshi followed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The two troopers had their automatic weapons trained on the front and back of the thatched hut they crept towards. Near the shelter, a fire pit still smoldered. Obviously, it had been used only a few hours or less ago. Hugging the edge of the tree line, the troopers moved up to the shelter.  
  
Empty.  
  
There were signs of people inhabiting this shelter. Bedrolls, small bags of clothes and some miscellaneous food items. Stepping out of the shelter, one of the black clad troopers unclipped a radio from his belt. Pressing the button to test the reception, he held down the button. He said into it:  
  
'Alpha Omega, this is recovery unit 1. Signs of more than one person present. Request backup immediately.'  
  
'Received Recovery Unit 1. Additional troops en route. Proceed to checkpoint 2.'  
  
'Roger.' The trooper said 'Recovery Unit 1 out.'  
  
The trooper clipped the radio back on his belt and signaled to the other that was standing rear guard. They ran off down a path that would take them deeper into the jungle and, unknown to them, to Jose's house, and checkpoint 2.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryoko had seen them too. Katsuhito was right. They ran past her, almost tripping over her. She had teleported away just in time. They ran up the beach and stormed the shelter. One of them had used his radio, but Ryoko could not tell what he was saying.  
  
This was defiantly bad. Jose was really bent on finding them.  
  
Ryoko watched as the troops ran off down the path toward Jose's house. Ryoko ran in the opposite direction, occasionally looking behind her for black clad Kevlar wearing troops.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Scanners are not picking up much.' Jose said thought his voice scrambling helmet. 'Mostly small animals.'  
  
'But what do you plan on doing once you find them? The cameraman asked 'you really can't kill them and keep their skulls as trophies.'  
  
'Didn't plan on it.' Jose rumbled 'I'm just going to get them one by one and drag them back for an interview.'  
  
'Sounds logical.' Mihoshi said.  
  
Jose's armband began to flash and beep. Jose brought it up to his visor. Content with the information, Jose hit a few buttons. The beeping from the band ceased, and a single beep came from the helmet.  
  
'What was that?' the cameraman asked.  
  
Jose hit a few more buttons and the mouthpiece slid back into the helmet.  
  
'Sources indicate human movement about 100 yards to my right. I've turned off the radar and clicked on the infrared vision.'  
  
'Groovy.' The cameraman said 'How's it look?'  
  
'Pretty colorful.' Jose reported 'You are both pretty hot.'  
  
'Thank you.' Mihoshi giggled.  
  
'Well get going.' The cameraman said 'I don't want to be out here at night. That's when the big animals come out.'  
  
'There are worse things out here than big animals.' Jose said as the mouthpiece slid back into place.  
  
'Like what?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
The reply sounded like rocks in a blender.  
  
'Like me.'  
  
Jose unhooked his staff, punched a few combinations into his computer and the suit went into cloaking mode. That done, he went off to find Katsuhito and Ryoko.  
  
'This should keep him busy for a while.' The cameraman said as he followed the path of a shimmering, Jose shaped space of air.  
  
Jose crouched, muscle tensing, and jumped into a nearby tree.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The two black clad troopers arrived at their 2nd checkpoint. Only now did they see that a single level house occupied the mapped clearing.  
  
Approaching from the front of the building, the troopers quickly opened the door and did a very quick check of the house. No one was found.  
  
They exited out of the back door and came upon a dangerous picture.  
  
Someone had been making firebombs earlier. If said person knew they were here and had a few bottles of this stuff with them, this could be dangerous.  
  
The two troopers were so caught up in the scene that they did not hear the other three troopers until they hit the ground from a second chopper. The helicopter that they came in was even now moving away.  
  
They made contact and moved out into the jungle, intent on finding Jose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Katsuhito turned around in mid-run and stopped. He was sure he was being followed. Since he had come within a mile of Jose's house, the jungle had become quiet. It felt like the trees themselves were alive and moving.  
  
He must have been losing it. Trees moving on their own. Not a kind existed.  
  
But if there was a type-  
  
Katsuhito turned and kept running.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose's radar picked up 5 new blips.  
  
'Those aren't survivors.' Jose said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryoko was hiding in a small grotto near a small spring fed pond. Katsuhito was supposed to meet her here a short time ago. Hopefully, Jose or his thugs did not get a hold of him.  
  
Ryoko ducked back into the foliage when she heard someone running down a nearby path.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Split up.' One of the troopers said as the group of 5 stopped near a small pond.  
  
'Understood.' Another said.  
  
'We'll meet back at checkpoint 2 in one hour.'  
  
'Understood.' A third replied.  
  
'Let's move!' the evident leader said to his troops.  
  
Three of the men ran off in one direction, the captain and the other going in another direction.  
  
Was it Ryoko, or were all of the troopers wearing an Umbrella insignia on their Kevlar? These guys were not hired goons, they were a hit squad. Chances were, they were after Jose.  
  
'Damn it.' Ryoko cursed to herself. Jose WAS an asshole, but he was the host. She had to do something.  
  
She had to find Katsuhito.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose watched the ground from his vantage point in a tree. The cloaking device was on the fritz again, so Jose would shimmer into being on occasion, losing all power to the cloaking.  
  
'Damn cheap material.' Jose mumbled as he tapped the computer on his arm.  
  
The scanner kicked in and two blips showed up not too far from Jose.  
  
Standing up from his crouching position, Jose felt and heard the branch protest the shift in weight.  
  
Jose checked his angle and jumped to the next tree. On the branch for less than a second, he jumped to the next one.  
  
From tree to tree, Jose got closer to the two blips.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'What was that?' One of the troopers asked through his mask.  
  
'What was what?' The captain demanded.  
  
'I think I heard something.' The second trooper replied.  
  
'That's why you just started on this job and I'm leading this operation. I'm sure of everything I see and hear out here.'  
  
God, this Hunk guy was a jerk. Not sure of something and he goes off on you.  
  
'What did you hear?' Hunk demanded 'I've been on one too many missions where people think they hear something and don't. Now report, damn it.'  
  
'Something in the trees.' The trainee said 'It's not much, just some leaves and branches moving.'  
  
'Bird.' Hunk said, dismissing the noise 'Nothing else, nothing more. Move.'  
  
With that cleared up, the two troopers continued down the path to search.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Bird indeed.' Jose said to himself as he stalked his prey.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'I don't know where they got off to.' Mihoshi said 'this would be a lot easier if they just stayed around the campsite.'  
  
The cameraman had pulled out his pistol and was cleaning it out of boredom.  
  
A while ago, he had lost all signs of Jose. Since then, a few gunshots had gone off.  
  
They were some distance off, but still, whoever had those weapons might be coming toward them.  
  
'Just stay low and keep quite.' The cameraman said to Mihoshi.  
  
'Aww,' Mihoshi said sadly 'Some animal died.'  
  
'Never mind.' The cameraman said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Whatever had hit the group of the three troopers, it had done it fast. In one pass, it managed to take out all three radios. It was now luring them into using up all of their ammo as they shot at nothing. Two of the troopers had nearly emptied their silenced D5K's; the other with the 9mm Uzi had gone through one clip already.  
  
That one had come to realize what was going and ordered to shoot only if they saw something. Shoot only what you can hit.  
  
They must have thought that they could have hit whatever it was; because 7 clips and a ton of spent brass was on the ground around them.  
  
Well, two of the troopers were shooting anyway.  
  
The other was lying in a suffering state from having his Kevlar ripped apart and the fact most of his entrails were lying next to him. Yeah, he was far from moving ever again.  
  
Either way, this had enraged his counterparts and gave them a reason to fight with more fury. They were scared indeed, but they were panicked.  
  
Another attack came in fast and low. So low and fast in fact that it caused one of the troopers to fall on his back. Unsure whether to grab his legs or his weapon, he stayed with his weapon and continued to fire until his clip expired.  
  
The last trooper standing picked up the silenced D5K his friend that was torn open had dropped, and yelled something to the downed trooper. He didn't hear him.  
  
Automatic weapon in each hand, he opened up on the jungle.  
  
Whatever as out there, he was sure as hell going to hit it. Moving so his back was up against a tree, he continued to shoot until both of his weapons clicked empty.  
  
It was quiet in the jungle. No birds, no animals. Only the sounds of his injured friend.  
  
The trooper on the ground looked up. The one trooper left standing had backed into a tree and emptied both weapons. He was trying to say something to him, but he could not hear anything.  
  
The trooper on the ground saw that the tree spawned two arms and grabbed each side of his friend's head. He only struggled for a second, the tree saw to that. With a quick crunch, the tree separated the spinal cord from the brain. Releasing its grip on the now dead man, the tree allowed the dead body to hit the ground.  
  
The trooper turned over, not wanting to see a neck at such an odd angle.  
  
Only turning over resulted in seeing, and closely, the other guy that was ripped open. Again, not something he would like to see.  
  
Turning over, the trooper saw that the tree was moving in on him.  
  
No, not a tree, a man. He was an older guy in a white and gray robe.  
  
One guy? One OLD guy destroyed three trained agents?  
  
He was talking. The trooper still did not hear anything.  
  
Still taking. He was jabbering on and on. Was he waiting for an answer?  
  
The guy reached down and took the troopers pistol. Damn, he had forgotten about that one. Making a feeble attempt to get the gun, his hand was kicked away.  
  
The old guy rolled the trooper over so he was lying on his chest. Damn. HE took the shock stick too. The old guy was doing something. 7 of the 8 bullets in the pistol fell just out of the soldiers reach.  
  
The gun was then dropped on his back. Had he left a single round in the chamber?  
  
He saw the old guy take off into the jungle in front of him.  
  
One shot, and no one was around. What else was there to do?  
  
Attempting to stand up, the trooper found it came impossible to. His legs had not been shattered; they had been taken clear off. Both of them were gone and there was no pain.  
  
The pistol slid off his back and into the sand next to him.  
  
He reached over and grabbed it. Checking the chamber, he saw there was a single shell left.  
  
What else was there to do?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Alpha Unit 2, what the hell is going on?' Hunk yelled into his radio 'Answer me! What is your status?'  
  
No answer came over the radio. He spit out the edible berries he had found out of his mouth. He had some of them, but was no longer hungry.  
  
'Come on.' He commanded his other soldier 'We're going to find them.'  
  
The trooper nodded and they both took off down the path.  
  
The second trooper made a move to follow, but stopped short when he heard a low purring sound in the trees. He shook it off and ran down the path, MP5 at the ready.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was hot in this armor. Jose was sweating horribly. He let out a sigh. The scrambler made it sound like a purr.  
  
'Shit.' Jose cursed to himself.  
  
One trooper had taken off, but the other looked up at where Jose was. Jose did not move. After a second, he ran off after the unit leader  
  
This might be easier than Jose thought.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryoko finally found Katsuhito. He was sitting on a long in a praying position. She waited until he was done before she questioned him.  
  
'What happened?' She demanded 'What are you doing?'  
  
'Praying for my own salvation.' He said cryptically.  
  
'These guys that landed, they are here for Jose.'  
  
'I know.' Katsuhito said 'but I was attacked and I had to defend myself.'  
  
'What did you do?' Ryoko asked after a second of thought.  
  
'Nothing I'm proud of.' Katsuhito said close to tears 'I do not want to remember what I did, or talk about it.'  
  
'We can't stay here.' Ryoko pushed 'there's still more of them here. If they find us, we're done for.'  
  
Katsuhito nodded.  
  
'Just not that way.' Katsuhito said, pointing the way he had just come from. 'I'm not going back there.  
  
Ryoko nodded and helped Katsuhito to his feet. Once up, they ran in the opposite direction.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
BAM.  
  
A single shot was fired and a single spark of life was extinguished.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose followed the troops down the path. They were heading in the direction of all the noise that had been created earlier.  
  
The two troopers were not sure of who shot at what, and neither did Jose.  
  
In mid leap, Jose's cloaking was going haywire again.  
  
'Crap.' Jose said as he landed on a branch. Again, he took a clawed fist to the computer.  
  
All of the shaking Jose was creating was disturbing the branch he was perched on. Disturbing it so much in fact that it snapped.  
  
It was quite a fall to the ground, and the landing was less than fun. The impact however did restore working order to the suit, but not before one of the troopers saw him.  
  
Taking to his feet as fast as he could, Jose got up and ran up the nearest tree, the only signs of him shimmering air.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What was that? It looked like some THING in armor plating carrying a stick and wearing dreadlocks. The image stuck in the troopers mind until someone shook him.  
  
He slowly turned to face his commander.  
  
'I said what did you see?' Hunk asked him.  
  
The trooper went into quick detail about what he saw, it sounded crazy, but they WERE Umbrella agents. They were prepared for this, right?  
  
This was not good. Hunk looked around nervously. He checked is weapon and addressed the soldier formally.  
  
'Look Anderson, I know we're trained to do this type of job, but things have changed horribly. We're going to find the other three and we're going to get out of here. Jose's not worth this. Understood?'  
  
'Understood.' The trooper replied.  
  
'Good.' Hunk replied 'Then let's move out.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'So they are here for me.' Jose said to himself 'I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but it makes me mad that Umbrella would do this to me.'  
  
Jose laughed.  
  
'Jose mad.' He said 'Jose smash.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'It's starting to get dark.' The cameraman said 'I hope Jose gets back soon.'  
  
Mihoshi spent the last hour occupying her simple mind with a stick, Rubix Cube, mud and plenty of bugs. Off again in her own little world.  
  
'Ah to be carefree.' The cameraman said 'to have no real problems or a crisis at hand.'  
  
'Aw.' Mihoshi whined 'I broke a nail.'  
  
'Game, point, match.' The cameraman grumbled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Umbrella Soldiers Rules of Engagement  
  
Get the job done right.  
  
Get the job done right.  
  
A good soldier never leaves a man behind.  
  
If there is nothing to pick up, dog tags will suffice.  
  
Bean curd = Yummy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was far from worthwhile to take these guys along.  
  
One of the troopers was leaning up against a tree. That would have been fine, except his head was at a 180-degree angle with his shoulders.  
  
Still worse was one of the Special Ops agents had his stomach removed from a ragged hole that Kevlar, clothes and flesh. Something had pulled a lot out of him, or just let spill.  
  
The saying 'saving the best for last' did NOT apply here.  
  
The last trooper was missing both of his legs. It was a clean cut, right below the knees. No bone shards, no torn or ripped muscles, just straight and very bloody. Still worse was the fact he ended up painting everything behind him in red, gray and bone pieces. Not the best choice of colors.  
  
It was enough to make a man sick. Anderson was.  
  
Hunk was just pissed. Something had torn his men apart. It was probably that damn thing Anderson had seen. He had to ask him.  
  
'Anderson.' Hun said before he turned around to look in his direction 'Tell me again what you saw in the trees?'  
  
Just the sound of moving foliage was heard.  
  
'Anderson!' Hunk repeated as he turned around. He stopped short at what he saw.  
  
Anderson was on his back, thrashing around like he was fending something off.  
  
The air between Anderson and Hunk was shimmering. It almost looked like a spot of radiating heat.  
  
Anderson as trying to yell something, but was cursing a blue streak while doing it.  
  
Hunk leveled his MP5 at the spot of odd-looking air, but it could have been anything, and I had every possibility of passing on and into Anderson. Dropping the weapon, Hunk pulled out his shock stick.  
  
The stick extended and charged. Hunk swung.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose had dove out of the trees and landed on one of the troopers. He put up quite a fight, and Jose had a hard time keeping him quiet.  
  
Jose was about to dog the suits sharpened claws into the trooper's neck, then his world lit up.  
  
All power to the cloaking and heat vision went offline. Aside from the fact Jose was now visible, it was like looking out of a 90% tinted window. Something had hit Jose and surged the power conduits.  
  
Something hit Jose again, this time HE lit up.  
  
500 volts ran up Jose's back and to the base of his skull. The spark jumped Jose forward.  
  
As painful as it was to do so, Jose rolled off of the trooper and out of the way of the falling shock stick.  
  
Jose rolled over to see the swung stick hit the fallen trooper. The 500 volts did not affect him, not causing the body to jump or twitch in any way.  
  
It looked as if that when Jose jumped from the charge; the claws built onto Jose's armor had dug into the trooper's neck, cutting through the throat and into the spine.  
  
'Oops.' Jose breather.  
  
'You butcher.' The last survivor said as Jose lay on his side. 'Once I'm done with you, I'm going to find this Jose guy.'  
  
'So this guy IS after me.' Jose said to himself. Attempting to activate a few of his defense capabilities, Jose hit a few buttons on the small computer.  
  
A few things sparked as the heat vision returned bit by bit through static.  
  
Inside the visor, the electronics displayed the power cells slowly charging from 5%.  
  
'Bastard.' The trooper said as he swung the shock stick.  
  
Jose rolled to the side and jumped to his feet, brandishing the war staff blade end out.  
  
'So this is the way you want to play.' The Black Ops trooper laughed. 'Happy to oblige.' That said, he pulled out a combat knife out of his boot sheath.  
  
Jose shook his head. Who did this guy think he was? Trying to take out power armor. Foolish.  
  
Jose changed defensive options. He took the staff and spun it around, blade facing down. Stabbing it into the ground, he stood almost at 'attention' with his arms at his side, palms out.  
  
Hunk took this as the best opportunity.  
  
The trooper barreled into Jose's chest before he could react. Jose fell on his back, the trooper more or less in control.  
  
'Those were my best men!' he yelled as he attempted to bring the knife down on Jose's neck. As of now, it looked like he would succeed.  
  
'I didn't touch them!' Jose said, the mask scrambling his voice. The battery was at 48%.  
  
'So, it talks.' The trooper said, forcing the knife still closer. 'Let's see if it bleeds too.'  
  
It was getting hot in the mask. Jose was sweating badly. With the internal cooling device off with the other electronics, it was going to get stuffy in here real fast.  
  
The suit started to spark again and waver in blue green bursts. The cloaking was starting to kick in.  
  
68% power.  
  
The plasma blaster on Jose's shoulder registered as working. Also, the suit just now began to warn Jose that he was being attacked.  
  
75% power, and the plasma blaster on Jose's shoulder was fully functional.  
  
On the side of Jose's helmet, three laser pointers clicked on and formed a triangle on the trooper's mask. The blaster on Jose's shoulder centered on it.  
  
'Like hell you will.' The trooper said as he gave up the fight on one arm and grabbed the blaster with he now free hand.  
  
Hauling hard on it, the trooper ripped it off in a shower of sparks.  
  
Jose attempted to fire, but an alien language appeared in the display with the word 'translating' after it.  
  
The trooper continued his assault with the knife on Jose, only a few inches from it's target.  
  
95% power, contact with blaster lost.  
  
'I'm going to ask this once.' The trooper said 'just so I can add it to the list of successful kills.' He laughed a little 'who are you?'  
  
The helmets mouthpiece retracted and drew into the helmet itself. The cooling agents kicked in at that time, sending up a small cloud on condensation and small doses of nitrogen.  
  
'The name's Jose. And this is my island.'  
  
As far as Jose could tell, the man was shocked. Jose expected to have the blade withdrawn from the fight and it end there. Nothing happened except for more force brought down on the knife.  
  
'Good thing the orders are 'dead or alive'.' The trooper said.  
  
Jose wrenched his hand at the last possible second, bringing the flat of the knife down. This was it. Any angular difference and Jose would be in line in front of some nice white gates.  
  
'Say goodnight Jose.' The trooper said.  
  
'Screw you.' Jose managed.  
  
100% power the suit. Too bad Jose could do nothing.  
  
Jose closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.  
  
A flash of pinkish light and a sudden loss of extra weight off of Jose triggered him to open his eyes.  
  
'What the hell?' Jose asked.  
  
Jose looked in front of him and saw the trooper getting up. His mask had blasted off. He was a big guy, clean-shaven, blond hair and blue eyes. The perfect German. Wait, he had lost his helmet too. His Kevlar had a smoking hole in it as well.  
  
Two more blasts of pink energy flew past Jose's head and impacted near the trooper. He took the hint and ran. It was dark, and getting darker. And since the trooper was in black, Jose did not give chase.  
  
Jose turned around, ready to behold his savior in all his glory.  
  
'Damn good thing I'm here to save your worthless butt.' Ryoko said as Jose came face to face with her 'And to think, you could have been cut up like the bastard you are.'  
  
Jose, full power suit and all, collapsed onto his back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Now remember what we agreed to.' Jose said.  
  
'I know, I know.' Katsuhito said, visually in a better mood. 'We never talk of this again once the clean up crews get rid of the bodies.'  
  
'Right.' Ryoko agreed. 'And we never mention this to anyone.'  
  
'Ever.' Katsuhito added.  
  
Jose grabbed them by their shoulders, almost piercing their skin with his claws.  
  
'What the hell is going on?' Ryoko demanded.  
  
'I'm supposed to capture you and bring you back.' Jose explained, triggering the mouthpiece to fall back into place, hiding his mouth. 'And bring you back I will.'  
  
The two survivors were herded to an area of the jungle where some lights were set up. Shoved into the clearing, they could see that the cameraman had set up a few stage lights. Mihoshi was sleeping on the ground.  
  
'Thank god.' The cameraman said 'I was afraid that you got lost or something.'  
  
'These two gave me quite the slip.' Jose said 'and since it's a little too late for interviews-'  
  
'Good point.' The cameraman said 'I'm tired anyway. Been up since dawn and up with a pistol all night.' He shrugged.  
  
Jose walked over to Mihoshi. She was indeed sleeping. Jose prodded her with his foot. She opened her eyes.  
  
'Aaah!' she screamed 'Predator!'  
  
Crap. Jose had forgotten to take off the mask.  
  
She stood up and swung full force a ball peen hammer that hit Jose upside the head.  
  
'Ow.' He replied.  
  
Leading the survivors back to their shelter, Jose said goodnight and retired to his cabin.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hunk made it to the auxiliary extraction point and pushed a small escape raft into the water.  
  
Alive and able to fill out a full report, he motored off in the direction of the mainland, swearing vengeance on Jose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Inside Jose's cabin, he put the black Kevlar helmet on top of a shelf. On the front of it was an embroidered red and white umbrella top.  
  
Next to the helmet, a small place card read:  
  
Umbrella Special Agent 'Hunk'. We will never forget you.'  
  
'Too bad he ate something off of the island.' Jose said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial of green liquid 'and I have the anti- virus.'  
  
End Of Day16 


	9. DAy 17

Tenchi Survivor  
Day 17  
  
Authors note: First off, if you did not like the last chapter, I apologize. I asked a few people what they wanted to see in a fic, and the most common was the Umbrella Corporation showing up. Though it did not fall true to the whole storyline, seeming almost off topic, it did feel pretty good seeing some blood in there. Either way, stay tuned kids, these are the Final Days.  
  
The air smelled good this morning. It smelled of wet jungle, coconuts, flowers, clear ocean water and the most beautiful of all, fear.  
  
Jose knew they were scared. It was closing in on the last days of the final two survivors, and within 24 hours, there would be only two people left. Then the REAL fun would begin.  
  
Jose rubbed his eyes and stepped out of his house into the sand, coffee in hand (I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.).  
  
It was indeed a very nice morning. The sun was shining off of the topaz colored water, birds darting in and around the trees, rows and rows of Molotov cocktails glistening in the sun, whiteboard on Jose's door with less than appropriate claims, more rows of Molotov Cocktails glistening in the-  
  
What? White Board?  
  
Jose turned around and read the posted promise out loud.  
  
"A(beep)al sex and cake. Apply within.' Funny, I don't remember writing that.' Jose mused 'In fact, I think someone else put that there. This infuriates me.'  
  
Jose put his extra large mug of coffee in the sand and walked his robe-clad body inside, shutting the door behind him.  
  
He emerged again a few seconds later wearing a pair of worn sneakers, tan cargo shorts, a t-shirt with the characters 'B4K4^2' on it and a black hat with a radioactivity symbol on it. Jose flipped on a pair of red sunglasses.  
  
'Groovy.' He said as he took the white board and headed off down the path.  
  
Mid stride, Jose did and about-face and went back to get his coffee.  
  
Content with his potable caffeine fix, Jose once again headed off down the path toward the survivors camp.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'And I say it can't be done.' Ryoko said.  
  
'You are wrong girl.' Katsuhito said 'I know for a fact it can't be done.'  
  
'I don't know.' Mihoshi added 'It sounds kind of impossible.'  
  
'Here comes Jose. We'll ask him.'  
  
Jose walked into the campsite and saw the survivors congregating by the water. Stowing the board under his shirt, Jose walked over.  
  
'What's going on over here ya'll?' Jose asked.  
  
'Katsuhito here says he can peg that marker 100 yards out in the water with a rock.' Mihoshi explained.  
  
'THIS is what you do for entertainment?' Jose asked.  
  
'There's not much else.' Ryoko admitted.  
  
'I'm sure it can be done.' Katsuhito said 'but they don't want me to even try it and 'embarrass myself'.'  
  
Jose picked up a rock off of the beach.  
  
'If I hit that marker, will you all comply with today's immunity challenge?' Jose asked.  
  
Ryoko and Mihoshi were quick to respond.  
  
'What about you?' Jose asked Katsuhito.  
  
'Well, considering that if any of us refuse to move, less you tazer us in the ass, I have no choice. I'll go quietly.'  
  
'That's what I like hearing.' Jose said. Bringing his arm behind him like an MLB player, Jose took aim. Being the 'jeanyus' he is, Jose calculated the wind speed. None.  
  
Jose flung his arm forward and let rock fly.  
  
The rock flew in a perfect arc toward the marker.  
  
Jose watched on happily as the survivors viewed this spectacle skeptically.  
  
The rock pinged off of the top of the marker, and it exploded in a fireball that tossed water into the air.  
  
'What the hell was that?' Jose yelled.  
  
'See?' Katsuhito said to the girls 'You CAN trigger a Russian mine by hitting it with a rock.'  
  
'I stand corrected.' Ryoko said.  
  
'I'll never question your wisdom again.' Mihoshi said 'and for the record, I stand on my legs.'  
  
'That was Russian?' Jose asked 'How long has it been there?'  
  
The survivors looked around. It's not like any of THEM had panted it there.  
  
'Ah, it doesn't matter.' Jose said 'I'm not going swimming any time soon anyway. Now come with me. I have quite the idea for an immunity challenge today.'  
  
'Normally I'd have a bad feeling about this,' Katsuhito said 'But I'm getting nothing but good Karma.'  
  
'This wont be good at all.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'Probably not.' Ryoko agreed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
She watched the 5 of them (five counting Jose and the cameraman) walk through her jungle. Oh sure, she had allowed Jose to use this place she called home, but he never mentioned anything about forest fires or Umbrella agents in the report.  
  
She had been sitting around 'paying' Jose off every now and again since he had gotten here. But he seemed different the past few times she ran into him.  
  
Today she was going to have a long, long talk with that boy. Sure, he was no Gerrard, but he would do nicely.  
  
Touching her short Dragon Sword to make sure it was still there, her feline paws pushed off the tree and she silently jumped from tree to tree above Jose's head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Are we there yet?' Mihoshi whined.  
  
'Yes.' Jose said 'Now get out and walk.'  
  
'Finally!' Mihoshi said as she kept walking.  
  
'Where exactly are you cowing us?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'You'll see in due time.' Jose said 'in due time.'  
  
Ryoko grumbled something and they kept walking along.  
  
The path had given out about half an hour ago. It lead directly into an area of the island the survivors had not seen as of yet.  
  
Outside of the path they were no longer on, the jungle was the same, save a few small grassy fields that opened off from the tree line.  
  
It was getting muggy out. The air was heavy with the smell of tropical flowers. More than once, the survivors had passed spring fed grottos that hosted a plethora of small animals and flowers.  
  
'It's so nice out here.' Mihoshi said as she looked around 'What part of the island is this?'  
  
'This is the northern most tip of the island you are staying on. None of you have made it this far north yet, as I have made sure of that.'  
  
The area Jose stopped in was occupied by a coconut grove a couple feet away. They, as well as palm trees, were lined up in very exact rows. It was fairly open ground, aside from the fact it was horrible overgrown with palm grass.  
  
'What, are we mowing your lawn?' Ryoko asked sarcastically.  
  
'Keep it up and you will be. With scissors.' Jose said.  
  
'That would take a while.' Mihoshi observed.  
  
'That's why she's the blond.' Katsuhito said 'Slow to understand, quick to point out the bleeding obvious.'  
  
'My cat's breath smells like cat food.' Mihoshi happily retorted.  
  
'A few days more.' Jose told himself 'just a few days.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The group continued to walk for another 30 minutes after a member of the group asked about grass cutting.  
  
Once or twice Jose had snuck a flask out of his pocket and taken a few drags from it.  
  
That was her boy. Quick to defend himself and faster to bargain his way out of a mess. Or try to. He was also fast to make a mess and blame someone else. Every evil producer was.  
  
The trees were getting more and more spaced apart. This was unfortunate because that meant she would soon have to take to the ground.  
  
Perching on another branch, she watched Jose and his survivors continue down the path, not aware she was watching them.  
  
Extending her claws, she stretched out, claws digging small furrows into the tree bark.  
  
Her tail twitched and she was off again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Alright, where are we?' Ryoko asked when Jose stopped them at a rocky cliff that overlooked the ocean.  
  
'Not to worry.' Jose said 'This is where we are going to start from.'  
  
The survivors looked around. Aside from the black shale rock that moved inland from the ledge and was visible for about 4 feet in, it was mostly rough patches of grass sprouting up from loose sand. Not he greenest place on the island, but it had a nice view.  
  
'What in the world are we doing here?' Katsuhito asked out loud 'Is this going to be another survival game?'  
  
'Not exactly.' Jose said 'The original plan was to give each of you a mine detector, mark the mines and run across the field afterwards.'  
  
'But you ran short on mines, right?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'Hells no.' Jose laughed 'I have MORE than enough mines hidden away. The only problem was finding a real working mine detector. Since most are obsolete, I'd have to resort to bayonets. And probing for mines with bayonets is just not cool.'  
  
'I guess we're allowed to be somewhat fortunate then.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'Only a little.' Jose replied. He turned to face the plain they were standing on the edge of. 'Well, who's ready to find out what the real challenge is?'  
  
None of the survivors said anything.  
  
'That's what I though' Jose said 'so here's the rules. Within an area of this northern tip, I have dropped something very valuable to me. Your job is to find it and bring it here to me. First contestant to find it and hand it to me, gets immunity tomorrow.'  
  
'This could pose as a challenge.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'To make things a bit harder, it's within a mile of searchable land you'll be looking in. To top it off, this portion of the island has been visited before by people, so you might see signs of civilization, but don't get excited. U Boats patrol the coast, sinking ships that venture to close.'  
  
'So why haven't we seen any other crap on the island?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'There's an energy field that locks off the rest of the island. Once you survivors set foot on the island, the field was activated. You don't see it until you run into it. It's kind of like a glass wall that gives you a bolt of lightning.'  
  
'No way.' Katsuhito said 'We didn't run into any walls on our way out here.'  
  
'Your very brainless.' Jose said 'and I don't like that. Look at you ankles.'  
  
The survivors checked their feet.  
  
'Shiny!' Mihoshi cheered.  
  
'What in blazes are these?' Ryoko asked as she prodded it with her finger.  
  
That is a band that grants you access through the wall without being zapped real good.' Jose said 'If you were not wearing it, you would have been zapped for every wall that you passed through.'  
  
'How many walls are there?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'500 yards out from every beach and one long one that runs across the island.' Jose explained 'so pretty much, if you were able to make it to a boat today before you were shot, you could make it off the island by passing through the walls.'  
  
The survivors laughed lightly.  
  
'Why are you still here?' Jose asked them 'get going! Your wasting time.'  
  
The survivor's stutter stepped in different directions and too off to scour the square mile of land for Jose's lost item.  
  
Jose pulled a lawn chair out from under a rock and laid back.  
  
'Do you think they'll find what they are looking for?' The cameraman asked.  
  
'Oh, I don't doubt it. But I'm still wondering who will bring it back to me.'  
  
Jose pulled a radio out from under the chair and attempted to tune it.  
  
'Why don't you follow them and find out what's going on.' Jose offered 'If the audience doesn't know, they don't care.'  
  
That said, the cameraman took off.  
  
Jose found the station he was looking for and kicked back. It was good being evil. Real good.  
  
'OK, welcome back to Chatter Box.' A familiar voice said 'Today's special guest it Reed Tucker, author of the book 'Karate and Digestion. Welcome to the show Reed.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The group of survivors had been dismissed from Jose's presence. The cameraman tried to stay around the new base of operations, but he too had been sent out to tail the survivors and keep tabs on their doings.  
  
It was probably for the better. It was always better for business to be done in private anyways.  
  
She crawled through the grass, keeping as low as she could.  
  
Jose was relaxing on a lawn chair, listening to some guy claim he could 'chop a bus in half' and 'rip a phone book in half with his bare toes'.  
  
Those humans and their forms of entertainment. She never did understand it.  
  
Unhooking her Dragon Sword, she slowly made her way toward Jose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The radio next to Jose continued on with the debate between Lazlow and Reed Tucker.  
  
'In fact, LAZLOW, I could chop this desk into two half desks.'  
  
'Oh god,' Jose said 'this will be good.'  
  
'This desk is made of two inch composite wood. It's has three drawers and a mahogany venire finish and knowing this station it cost a hundred dollars.' The host said.  
  
Jose thought he heard something move behind him. He looked left and right and saw nothing. Jose relaxed again.  
  
'In his own words, ' Lazlow continued 'Reed is about to smash it into two half desks. Take it away Reed.'  
  
'Ladies and gentlemen,' Reed said calmly 'I have already visualized this dies into two half desks, and now, I will make it so.'  
  
Jose turned up the volume a little.  
  
'Dragon Stance' Reed sighed. 'Hi-Yaah!'  
  
There was a loud thud and a band-sounding crunch. Jose began to laugh.  
  
'Ow! Oh-h-h.' Reed whined 'Oh, Lazlow, I-I hurt my hand, and my pinkie's all bent the wrong way.'  
  
Jose heard it again. He sat up and looked around. There was defiantly something out there. Jose looked over the ground slowly.  
  
'What the hell is that?' Jose asked himself 'Who's out there?'  
  
No one answered. Jose nervously sat back in his chair and cracked open a can of Mountain Dew.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryoko poked around a small bush. Already she had spotted and collected a load of things. But probably nothing Jose was looking for. But she kept them all the same.  
  
Katsuhito walked over to Ryoko, coming from his end of the search.  
  
'Hey girl. Any luck yet?'  
  
'Nothing yet.' Ryoko said easily 'I have NO idea what I'm looking for, but I don't think I have it yet.'  
  
'What do you have so far?' Katsuhito asked as he dug into his own pockets.  
  
Ryoko looked over the pile she had collected.  
  
'A 100 dollar poker chip, an empty can of beer, a computer mouse, some Legos, a broken bottle and some loose change.'  
  
Katsuhito shrugged.  
  
'Well, considering we don't know what he's looking for, I've got a lot of things.' HE began to pull things out of his pocket 'Bottle cap, a FULL can of beer-I'm sorry, it's empty now. Cigar, baseball, single Magic card, deck of casino cards, empty animal cracker box, a Yankees hat and some loose Bermuda money.'  
  
Ryoko continued to poke around.  
  
This was crazy. Looking for god knows what on this big piece of land. It would take either a genius to find this or a dumb bl-  
  
'I got it! I got it!' Mihoshi shouted as she ran past Ryoko and Katsuhito.  
  
Both of the survivors took a second to decipher just what the hell happened.  
  
'Crap!' Ryoko proclaimed 'We have to stop her!'  
  
'Why?' Katsuhito asked as they both ran after her.  
  
'It's either her or one of us that gets the immunity. Take her down and run it!' Ryoko yelled back.  
  
Katsuhito, finding that logical, sped up.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Keeping low to the ground, she crept forward on her four paws.  
  
Jose kept on listening to the radio.  
  
Once or twice, Jose had turned around due to too much noise she was making. She had to be more quiet of Jose would take off.  
  
Jose shifted in his chair, causing the cat warrior to stop in mid stalk.  
  
Jose stretched and placed an empty can of Mountain Dew on the ground. He had damn well not leave that there when he left.  
  
She crept closer, almost in striking range.  
  
The radio announced something about Liberty City Survivor, some kind of Jose and WisconsinMetal Crossover.  
  
Those humans and their entertainment.  
  
Problems arose quickly when someone came running up the path. Not just one person, but two more followed by the cameraman.  
  
Thinking it better not to be seen, she turned and ducked into the nearby foliage to await her next chance at Jose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Jose! Jose!' Mihoshi yelled as she ran up to him.  
  
'How good that sounds.' Jose thought to himself, perverted grin on his face.  
  
'I think I found it!' she finished.  
  
'What?' Jose said as he sat up.  
  
'Damn it.' Katsuhito cursed out of breath 'too slow.'  
  
'What would we have done if we DID catch her?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'Tied her up, taken the item and left her for Jose.' Katsuhito answered.  
  
'Sounds like a plan to me.' Ryoko admitted.  
  
'What have you got for me?' Jose asked.  
  
'I think it's JUST what you're looking for.'  
  
Jose looked at her skeptically.  
  
'What do you think it is?' Ryoko asked quietly.  
  
'I think the question here is 'where did she put it?"  
  
Mihoshi fumbled through her pockets searching for the item she picked up. Scouring all of her pockets, she was about to give up until she looked at her left hand.  
  
Indeed, she was holding onto it the whole time.  
  
It was a small, thin plastic box with a colorful image on the front and some writing and smaller pictures on the back. Mihoshi forked it over.  
  
Jose took the box, opened it and inspected it.  
  
Jose held the box up over his head. The title was 'Hentai Hentai Hentai' and with it was quite the explicit picture on the front.  
  
'This,' Jose said 'is NOT what I was looking for.'  
  
Mihoshi slumped in posture a little.  
  
'Though I will keep it. I'm always looking for more DVD's.'  
  
Ryoko and Katsuhito perked up a little of the call to failure on that one item. It was still out there.  
  
'Keep going.' Jose said 'I'm not leaving until you find this thing.'  
  
The survivors hurried off, as did the cameraman.  
  
Jose kicked back again, unaware that the stalker was right behind him, blade drawn.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Where exactly did you find that movie?' Ryoko asked on the trek back.  
  
'It was just lying in the middle of a field next to a gopher hole.' Mihoshi said 'I was not aware that gophers LIKED that kind of stuff.'  
  
'They don't.' Katsuhito tossed in 'It was just dropped there by some idiot.'  
  
'Oh.' Mihoshi said.  
  
The survivors walked along a ledge that overlooked the ocean.  
  
'I'm going to check down by the water.' Katsuhito announced.' It's a good a place as any to look.' With that, he began to descend the rock face.  
  
'Right.' Ryoko said as Katsuhito left her and Mihoshi alone 'Looks like it's you and me blondie.'  
  
'Not me.' Mihoshi said 'I've got to go look for this thing. You can drink alone.'  
  
Mihoshi walked off into the jungle scrub.  
  
'Damn Island.' Ryoko grumbled 'I hate this place. Why did I ever agree to this?' Ryoko picked up a rock and chucked it into the ocean.  
  
It made a small impact, but Ryoko was still not satisfied. She reached down to pick up another, but stopped when she saw a faded gold chain protruding out from under a rock.  
  
Pushing the rock aside, she lifted the chain to analyze it.  
  
It was a small amulet that depicted crown centered on a rough edged piece of metal. Above the crown, a crescent moon facing down. And something that looked like a valley below it. Dusting it off, she saw that it was gold plated.  
  
Ryoko looked it over then stuffed it into her pocket, along with the rest of the collected items.  
  
Ryoko walked over to the edge of the cliff and looked for Katsuhito.  
  
He was down poking among the rocks, looking for anything Jose might have lost. At one point, Katsuhito reached down for something, but his hair stood straight up and he visibly clenched his teeth.  
  
Ryoko cocked her head in wonder.  
  
Katsuhito then proceeded to run down the rocky beach with a very angry crab attached to his finger.  
  
Ryoko snickered at Katsuhito's misfortune.  
  
'Ow!' Katsuhito yelled ' I hate crabs! My god, it's Washu's anger and hatred incarnate!'  
  
Katsuhito managed to throw the crab off of him. It landed on the sand and raised its claws in defense.  
  
Katsuhito mimicked its movie, standing on one leg and raising both hands. The perfect Crane Stance.  
  
They both jumped at the same time and began to beat the crap out of each other.  
  
Ryoko shook her head and kicked another rock down the dusty cliff.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Not a pimp little man, a savior.'  
  
Jose was nowhere close to hear it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mihoshi poker her head further into the cave. It had been going deeper for the past 10 minutes. The further in she went, the damper it got.  
  
She had found the cave when she moved a few vines and small scrub brush out of the way.  
  
Above the entrance was what looked like a carved face of a dragon. The mouth of the cave, keeping true to what it looked like, was lined with jagged rocks. Mihoshi had to carefully pick her way though the teeth, once wedging one of her sandals between the 'teeth' and almost losing it.  
  
Mihoshi took another step and something beneath her foot crunched.  
  
'Indy, I step on fortune cookie.' Was all that flashed through her mind.  
  
She shuddered with the thought of bugs not caring how nice her tanned skin looked, but the fact it probably tasted better than what they were eating.  
  
What a crummy job this was. Scour a mile of land for something that could be anything.  
  
It was really dark in the cave now. From the entrance about 200 feet back, the curves and turns of the tunnel did not allow any light this far in. Something ahead sounded like static.  
  
Whack!  
  
Mihoshi ran into a low hanging rock. Seeing stars, she clutched at her head.  
  
Something wet was running down the side of her face. Blood?  
  
She could not tell.  
  
Continuing for ward and still holding her head, Mihoshi walked on.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Damn crabs.' Katsuhito uttered as he obliterated the offending creature with a rock.  
  
It had taken quite a while for Katsuhito to convince the crab to let go of his finger. Once it had, it was quite a bout between both of them. But in the end, Katsuhito was the victor.  
  
Bandaging his finger, Katsuhito looked around for anything valuable.  
  
This was crazy. Search a whole block of land for something that could be anything. For all Katsuhito knew, it could be the rock he was standing on.  
  
Jose had damn well better appreciate him dragging this and the rest of this crap back to him.  
  
Katsuhito got a firm hold on the rock and hauled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryoko began her trek back to Jose. There was no need to hurry, so she took her time.  
  
The charm itself was odd (she had to pull it back out to look at it again). It was like a forgotten dream. Something she had seen before.  
  
Ah, that was crazy. Ryoko had never been here in her whole life. It was probably just something else triggered by the smell of all those flowers around here.  
  
Flowers? She had not seen those when she came past here.  
  
'Crap.' She said 'did I get turned around?'  
  
There were no paths this far out on the island. None of the grass was worn down to footsteps, no trees cut or markers on any of them. Worst-case scenario 1, lost in the jungle.  
  
'I'm lost.' Ryoko said 'Perfect. Just perfect.' She looked around, not recognizing any of her surroundings. 'Grr, this pisses me off.' She grumbled 'I swear to god, as soon as I get out of here-'  
  
Something that sounded like a cat screeching interrupted her thoughts. Whatever it was, it sounded like it was in the middle of killing something. Killing? Why not? What else would a jungle cat be doing?  
  
Ryoko suddenly got a little worried. Not for her safety, but that of the other survivors. And maybe a LITTLE for Jose. Nah. Not for Jose.  
  
Ryoko determined that it came from her left and headed off in that direction.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The sounds of static intensified as Mihoshi continued down the cave path. The light was steadily getting better as well.  
  
This had the potential to be a rewarding trip after all.  
  
The tunnel opened up into a very well lit cavern. Mihoshi stood on one end of it, and on the other end was a wide window-like hole that showed the back of a waterfall.  
  
That did indeed explain the static sound.  
  
At the bottom of the 'window', some of the falling water was caught and diverted into a pool that had formed after a good thousand or more years.  
  
The cave itself smelled of mold and wet leaves. The rocks were cold and damp from the fine mist that filtered in from the cascading water.  
  
'This wasn't on any of the maps.' Mihoshi said as she marveled at her surroundings.  
  
She began walking toward the waterfall, but stopped when she kicked something that made a reverberated clanking sound.  
  
'What the crap?' she said as she picked up a faded metallic helmet.  
  
The helmet had two bullhorns on each side of the head, and a nose protector came down about an inch from between the eyes. It was quite the faded piece of work.  
  
'I'll bet Jose is looking for this.' She said to no one. 'I'm going to bring this back to him.'  
  
Mihoshi sidestepped through the waterfall, helmet in hand, and found herself in a familiar area they had passed earlier.  
  
'If this island has a lot of shortcuts like this,' Mihoshi reasoned 'this might be easier than I though.'  
  
Back on a familiar path, Mihoshi began her trek back toward Jose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'There's nothing valuable down here!' Katsuhito yelled from the beach.  
  
He had been looking around forever and had still yet to find anything that Jose might have lost.  
  
Katsuhito had paid the price for playing along. Crabs, seagulls, penguins from some reason, and some kind of Vizzadrix had attacked him.  
  
God did this island suck.  
  
Katsuhito came across a small sand dune. On it there were a few small bushes, complete with berries growing on them.  
  
'Well, I AM hungry.' He remembered.  
  
He walked over to the bush and inspected the berries. They were small and had the same color of blueberries. They smelled strangely of cheap candles. He pulled one off.  
  
'I freakin' hate this island.' Katsuhito reminded himself as he threw the berry into the sand.  
  
Something under the tree caught his eye.  
  
Katsuhito leaned closer to get a better look.  
  
It was a small, thin box that had a green case. It had a plastic covering to it with a white cover on the front that depicted two people. In bold letters, the title read 'Max Payne 2. Fall Of Max Payne'.  
  
It was an unopened X-Box game.  
  
'As good a guess as any.' Katsuhito said as he picked it up.  
  
He dusted it off and shook it lightly. HE determined that the CD was in there. Stowing the box in his pocket, Katsuhito turned and headed to the cliff he would have to scale in order to get back to Jose.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The radio was still on when Jose came back. Janice was talking about how hard it was being a parent, and how video games were 'warping our kids minds.' What a load of crap.  
  
Jose dabbed at his face where the blade had bit shallowly. Damn, it was like the whole Mafia rolled into one Cat Warrior.  
  
Jose had defiantly done more than enough to piss her off, and he had paid the price in full.  
  
Oh well, no harm no foul.  
  
Jose sat back down on the chair and ran thought his mind what had just happened. Shape up or she would be back was the lesson.  
  
Jose would have to watch his back. Jose attempted to. Shallow claw marks ran up and down the entirety of his back, matching the other scars of the same sort.  
  
It was well worth it though.  
  
Jose turned form the radio as someone came walking up the path. He sat back and awaited more failure.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mihoshi walked up the path to where Jose set up his command post.  
  
He was sitting in the chair he brought and the radio was still playing. Well, not really playing but talking. Who would listen to a boring talk show?  
  
Mihoshi shifted the helmet in her hands. It was a fairly heavy artifact. With any luck, this is what Jose was looking for.  
  
What have you got?' Jose asked from his reclined position.  
  
'Just another something I've found.' Mihoshi replied 'Hopefully what you were looking for.'  
  
'Well let's take a look.' Jose said 'pass it over.'  
  
Mihoshi walked over to where Jose was reclined, and managed to trip on her own shadow. Catching her balance, but not the helmet, she fumbled with it a second, only to have it land with all of it's weight right in Jose's lap.  
  
Jose sat straight up.  
  
'Sorry.' Mihoshi said with all sincerity.  
  
'It's alright.' Jose said, voice higher than normal 'I'll be fine.'  
  
Jose shook his head clear and examined the helmet.  
  
'He almost looks smart.' Mihoshi though.  
  
Jose adjusted his glasses (the ones that drive the girls crazy) and continued to look it over. He pulled a cloth out of his pocket and began to buff the headpiece, bringing forth a forgotten shine that reflected the sun.  
  
'Any idea what it is?' Mihoshi asked impatiently.  
  
Jose held up his hand for silence as he inspected another side of the helmet. Reaching under his chair, Jose pulled out a thick book that was bound in faded green leather. He opened it up to the middle and thumbed through a few pages.  
  
Mihoshi looked at the cover. It was a pressed title painted in gold block letters. Under the title, there was a printed Swastika on its end. The title was written in German.  
  
''Lost Treasures Of The Third Reich.' Mihoshi read 'what did I find?'  
  
Jose had stopped on a page and read the passage. It was a small paragraph under a picture of the exact same helmet. Jose closed the book and put it back under his chair.  
  
'According to this book,' Jose started 'this helmet is a labeled missing German relic from WWII. It was originally out of Castle Wolfenstein, but it was lost in 1943. I guess someone either went in on a mission and stole it or the German army hid it here and never told anyone. It says that it's worth a fortune, but if anyone besides a descendant of it's rightful owner returns it, said person gets a hefty fine and quite the amount of jail time.'  
  
'Which are both far from good.' Mihoshi pointed out.  
  
'No, it's no.' Jose agreed 'but this is NOT what I'm looking for.' That said, Jose put the helmet in a bag he had next to him.  
  
'I thought you weren't looking for that.' Mihoshi said, referring to the fact Jose just added it to his collection.  
  
'Oh, I'm not looking for it, I'm adding it to the rest of my collection.'  
  
'Oh, ok.' Mihoshi said 'So are we waiting here for the other two to come back?'  
  
'That's probably the best idea.' Jose said 'Just sit tight and we'll finish this as soon as the others get back.'  
  
It did not take too long for the next survivor to come running up the path. It was Katsuhito.  
  
He ran past Mihoshi who was sitting on the ground, and skidded to a halt next to Jose. Since he skidded on the dirt-covered ground, he sent up a cloud of dust that settled on Jose.  
  
'Thanks.' Jose said as he spit out the grit that was in his mouth.  
  
'I think I've got it!' Katsuhito said 'out of all the things I've seen and picked up today, this is most defiantly on the top of the list.'  
  
Jose rolled his eyes.  
  
'Ok, let's take a look.'  
  
Katsuhito dug into his pocket and pulled out the box he found. He looked it over one more time and handed it to Jose.  
  
'What's this?' Jose asked as he took the box and looked it over. 'Cool.' Jose said happily 'one of the first copies of Max Payne 2! I'll be sure to keep this around for a while.' Jose stashed it in the same bag the helmet went in and leaned back again, awaiting the last survivor.  
  
'Um,' Katsuhito said after a minute of silence 'Is- is that what you were looking for?'  
  
'What? The game?' Jose asked 'No, I'm looking for something else. But I'll keep this all the same.'  
  
'What?' Katsuhito asked 'But I-'  
  
Jose leaned back again and closed his eyes.  
  
Katsuhito stormed off to find a place to sit and wait. He found one near Mihoshi, who had begun to set up a small ring for her First Annual Ant Wrastlin' Special.  
  
'And in this corner,' Mihoshi said, pointing to a corner of the ring 'The challenger, Mandible Mike!' she placed a red and down, opposite from a black one.  
  
'You worry me.' Katsuhito said to her.  
  
'Oh no!' Mihoshi yelled with enthusiasm 'Mandible Mike had bitten the champs head off! And the crowd is not happy.' Hundreds of black and red ants swarmed the ring. The warring nations went to work over the battle between two of them.  
  
Katsuhito only shook his head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After a few hours, Ryoko came walking up the path both Mihoshi and Katsuhito had taken. The ant battle had been over for close to 45 minutes, and Mihoshi aided in moving the wounded and the dead.  
  
Katsuhito had managed to find a book in his robe and had been reading that for some time. He looked up on occasion to see Mihoshi playing God above the war.  
  
Ryoko walked up to Jose, not bothering to announce she was there. Jose only looked up because she stepped into his direct sunlight.  
  
'Well now I'll HAVE to see what you brought me.' Jose said with a sigh.  
  
Ryoko emptied her pockets of rocks, bottle caps, shells, sand and other oddly assorted things.  
  
Jose began to poke through them, not seeming too impressed.  
  
Katsuhito walked over to observe the goings on.  
  
'So what took you so long?' He asked.  
  
'You would not believe me if I told you.' Ryoko answered.  
  
'Try me.' Katsuhito pressed.  
  
'Ok then. I was walking up this path, and I notice that there are no sounds aside from me walking. NO birds, no small animals, nothing. Just the wind. I keep walking, and then I suddenly get hit by this HORRIBLE smell.'  
  
'What was it?' Mihoshi asked from the battlefield.  
  
'I keep walking, and all of a sudden, these two things step out in front of me.'  
  
'Well what did they look like?' Katsuhito asked impatiently.  
  
'They looked kind of like big fat dogs, only the size of a bear and a lot more hairy. They had pointy teeth and red eyes- come to think of it, they looked more like big rats.'  
  
'What did they do?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'They demanded I give them the 'crest', lest I want to be baked into a quiche.'  
  
Jose looked up from the pile he was digging through. Jose sorted through the stuff faster. It might have been in there.  
  
Ryoko went on to tell about how they came to argue about eating her, baked or not, and they stalled so long that Ryoko had enough time to blast them off of the island.  
  
Jose continued to sort through the pile, hoping what he was looking for was in this pile. With any luck, Ryoko would have found the crest.  
  
Jose stood up and kicked the pile of assorted stuffs. It flew in a few different directions, causing the survivors to look at him.  
  
'Ryoko,' Jose said as he wiped the sweat off of his forehead 'did you find anything else? Anything at all?'  
  
Ryoko thought for a second and then reached behind her neck. She screwed around with something, and then collected it in both hands. Shifting it to one hand, she held her fist out to Jose who held his hands open beneath it.  
  
She opened her hand and a small chain fell out and dangled just above Jose's palm. She lowered it to pile neatly in Jose's hand. The metal was still cold.  
  
The chain stopped, attached to whatever was bonded to it. She opened her fist completely and a small gold medallion landed on the piled chain.  
  
As soon as it hit Jose's hand, he lifted the medallion up to inspect it.  
  
The bauble spun slowly in the wind. Jose touched it to make it stop spinning. One side of the medallion depicted a type of crown, a moon and a valley. The other side had some type of writing on it. It was basically an off centered piece of metal. Jose's piece of off centered metal.  
  
'Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.' Jose said 'Ryoko has found the lost crest, and therefore moves onto the final round.'  
  
'Aw, nuts.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'Not to worry.' Mihoshi said 'There's always a chance tomorrow that you wont be eliminated.'  
  
Katsuhito looked over to her.  
  
'You don't seem to be too worried that by this time tomorrow you might be banished. Not to mention that you'll be going against me.'  
  
'Good point.' Mihoshi replied 'then I'll be sure to win.'  
  
Jose walked over to the three-person group. Oh, it had been bigger at one time, but after the third person got booted off, the pressure had to be put on. Now, with only two contending guests tomorrow, this is where the push would come from.  
  
'Knock it off you two.' Jose said 'there will be enough time for threatening one another later. Right now, we have to be moving on.'  
  
'So what happens to us tomorrow?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'Tomorrow we have our final Banishment challenge before we have our Ultimate one.'  
  
'Ultimate Challenge?' Ryoko echoed 'Dare I ask what I have gotten myself into?'  
  
'Dare! Dare!' Katsuhito cheered.  
  
'The Ultimate Challenge is a challenge that pits two survivors against one another, using all of the skills they learned from previous banishment challenges, to come out victorious over the other survivor.'  
  
'I likes the sound of that.' Katsuhito said.  
  
'If you get that far.' Jose said 'Now let's get out of here.'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
From the tree she crouched in, she watched Jose lead his survivors out of the area in which they played their game.  
  
Oh, that Jose was quite the ticket. Quite different when faced with certain obstacles. Quite the ticket indeed.  
  
Jose moved out of the marked area and back into the protected area. Jose reactivated all of the bands on the survivor's ankles.  
  
Crazy humans. They did not even notice them from the beginning of the game. They were tagged while they slept the night before the game started. Those humans and their inability to detect small changes.  
  
It's a good thing Jose had stopped before he had exited the area. It got fairly boring on a vacant end of the island, and what better way to entertain oneself be holding Jose at knifepoint and 'forcing' things out of him.  
  
Amusing kid, that Jose.  
  
But was it really forced? Jose was more than willing to explain everything to her she demanded. Oh well. It was worth the time.  
  
Jose exited her field of vision, and with him, a good time.  
  
There was always next week. And a second chance.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose had gotten back to the other end of the island just as the sun sank below the horizon. After seeing the survivors to their shelters, Jose retired to his house.  
  
Once inside, Jose opened the bag that carried all of the valuable things that were collected that day.  
  
Taking the German treasure out of the bag, Jose added it to his shelf that held a dragon skull and an Umbrella marked helmet.  
  
Jose then took his new copy of Max Payne 2 and stacked it between his copies of Soul Caliber II and Halo. Content, he tossed the bag and pulled out the pendant that was in his pocket.  
  
Fastening the clip, Jose put it around his neck.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jose slept off and on that night, a Red Dragon plaguing his dreams.  
  
'Stupid, stupid rat creatures.' Jose mumbled in his sleep.  
  
End of Day 17 


	10. Day 18

Tenchi Survivor  
  
Day 18  
  
The sun rose that morning (like it did since its creation), but something was different.  
  
Oh sure, it was still a hot ball of burning gasses that bled light and heat, but along with that heat came a smell that was not derived directly from the sun.  
  
Well, it MIGHT have come from the sun, but who knows what the sun smells like? I'm not about to take a trip to the sun, put my nose to it and inhale.  
  
Anyway,  
  
The sun was beaming down on a bag that Jose was pulling behind him. Though he was wearing a gas mask, Jose could not escape the smell.  
  
The survivors were already awake and holding their noses when Jose arrived with the bag.  
  
'What the hell is that?' Ryoko demanded.  
  
'Get that out of here!' Katsuhito demanded 'It reeks!'  
  
'I'm going to be I'll.' Mihoshi gagged.  
  
Jose held up his hand for silence, and the survivors complied.  
  
'Ok survivors,' Jose said 'we're going to play a quick game. It's called 'Bury the bag in a 6 foot deep hole."  
  
'What's the object of the game?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'First one to dig a hole 6 feet deep and-' Jose looked at the bag. Blood spots were starting to seep through it. '6 feet deep and Ayeka high gets some food.'  
  
'What's in the bag?' Ryoko asked.  
  
Jose glared at her.  
  
'No questions.' Jose said 'Just dig.'  
  
The survivors picked up the shovels that Jose had tossed at them and got ready to begin.  
  
'What kind of food do we get?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
'Jose dug into his pocket and pulled out a bag of un-popped microwave popcorn.  
  
'Woo-hoo!' Katsuhito cheered.  
  
'Is this the banishment challenge?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'No.' Jose replied 'this is just a job I need done. 'Less talk, more dig. Get going.'  
  
The survivors spaced away from one another and began digging. Jose took a few steps away from the smelly body bag.  
  
God, did that stink up the place. Who knew it would take such a short time for a body to begin to decay? Good thing there was a corpse hatch in the house, or the body would have really left a lingering scent.  
  
Jose's attention returned to the survivors.  
  
It had been a few hours, and the deepest hole was close to 4 feet. Because of the sun and the smell, Jose had to move the bag into the shade a few times.  
  
'Store in a cool dry place.' Jose said to no one as he drug the body bag into the shade again.  
  
'The banishment challenge IS easier, correct?' Mihoshi asked when Jose returned.  
  
'Heavens no.' Jose replied 'the challenge is a LOT worse.'  
  
'How can this get any worse?' Katsuhito demanded from the bottom of his 4-½ foot deep hole 'I'm out here in the hot sun, digging a HOLE, I have the lingering smell of a decomposing body floating around me and the worst part of it is, it's probably someone I know!'  
  
'How about some music to work to?' Jose asked, completely ignoring Katsuhito and his whining.  
  
'How about, 'No, Scott." Ryoko replied as she scraped down the sides of the hole she was digging. A fist-sized rock came from Jose's direction and bounced off of her head.  
  
'I'll have to take that as a 'Sure Jose." Jose said.  
  
Pulling a stereo out of the shrubbery, Jose put in a CD and hit the play button.  
  
'Swing low, sweet chariot. Coming forth to carry me home.' The CD player rang out.  
  
Jose booted it back into the brush, silencing it.  
  
'Oh, I hate that kind of music.' Jose grumbled as he reached into one of his cargo pockets. He pulled out another CD. 'Who likes Primus?' Jose asked.  
  
The survivors continued to dig.  
  
An exact 59 minutes later, Katsuhito called Jose over. He climbed out of the hole and pointed to it.  
  
'6 feet deep, 3 feet wide and Ayeka and one inch high.'  
  
'Looks good to me.' Jose said as he kicked the bag into the hole. 'Excellent fit. Cover it and you get food.'  
  
Katsuhito immediately went back to work.  
  
'A fine hole indeed.' Jose said to Katsuhito again.  
  
'We were supposed to dig a hole?' Mihoshi said from behind Jose.  
  
Jose unfortunately turned around.  
  
In a matter of hours, Mihoshi had managed to make a 1/16-scale model of the British Parliament, Big Ben Included.  
  
Jose put his face in his hands and shook his head.  
  
'Yeah,' Mihoshi said 'I get that a lot.'  
  
'What do I do about the one I dug?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'We don't need it.' Jose said 'Fill it in.'  
  
Ryoko climbed out of the hole she had dug and dragged her shovel with her. She held it up, ready to strike, but a few stagehands held her back while Jose was not facing her.  
  
'Ok kids,' Jose said 'As soon as Katsuhito is done, we'll get moving to our next challenge.'  
  
Mihoshi and Ryoko, not wanting to be around for any longer than necessary, aided Katsuhito in filling the hole that was now occupied. Jose kicked back in the shade and cracked open a Red Bull.  
  
'So what do you think is in the bag?' Mihoshi asked, being the typical blond she is.  
  
'Cupcakes.' Ryoko replied cynically.  
  
'Cupcakes?' Mihoshi echoed 'why would we be burying food?'  
  
'I swear to god, I'm going to kill her and put her in the same hole.' Ryoko grumbled.  
  
'Don't get too caught up in wanting to destroy her.' Katsuhito said 'After today, it's you and me competing.'  
  
Jose finished his can of Bull and tossed it in the near filled hole. HE watched it get covered by sand and dirt. Man it was good to get rid of evidence.  
  
'Why would Jose get rid of her?' Ryoko asked 'She's the only reason he's still here I think.'  
  
'You might have a point.' Katsuhito sighed.  
  
'Ok,' Jose said 'Close enough. Grab your tools and let's get going.'  
  
The survivors gathered up their clothes and shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and followed Jose to the beach.  
  
'Take a seat.' Jose said once the survivors had arrived, pointing at the sand in font of him. 'To be completely honest, the original plan was to banish all of the virgins, but no one would have left.'  
  
Katsuhito and Ryoko looked at Mihoshi.  
  
'I AM 23.' Mihoshi said in defense.  
  
Jose shook his head in despair.  
  
'Anyway,' he continued 'that was the original plan, but since my goal in life is ruined, not to mention some complications, I had to change the game plan.'  
  
'So what will we be doing again?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
Jose only scratched at his sunburnt neck as he looked at the ground.  
  
'You have no idea how you're going to banish them, do you?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'Not a clue.' Jose admitted.  
  
'Some host you are.' She mumbled. Jose ignored her.  
  
'Hey, what's that?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
Probably another guy.' Jose sighed.  
  
'What's what?' Katsuhito asked.  
  
The survivors and Jose turned and saw Mihoshi looking up to the sky.  
  
'It's either clouds or the sky. Now get over here and help me think of ways to torture you.'  
  
Mihoshi walked back to the group and shrugged.  
  
'OK, but that's the first time I ever saw the sky light on fire and fall in a blazing comet.' She said.  
  
'Idiot girl.' Jose said to himself. 'OK,' Jose said, talking out loud 'now who hates the taste of bleach?'  
  
'She's right.' Ryoko said 'Something IS falling to earth in a burning chunk of matter.'  
  
Katsuhito turned to look up, as did Jose.  
  
It looked more like a growing star from this point, but this was mid day, and no stars were out.  
  
'What the hell is that?' Katsuhito asked 'Is it me or does it look like it's heading right for the island?'  
  
The falling star grew bigger as it neared the island.  
  
'I really hope that does NOT land on this island.' Jose said,'  
  
The UFFO (Unidentified Falling Flaming Object) whistled as it sailed over the treetops and over the survivor's heads. It was not horribly close, but closes enough that Jose felt the heat radiate off of it.  
  
'Maybe it wont hit the ground.' Mihoshi offered.  
  
There was a large explosion that made the ground jump under the survivors and Jose's feet.  
  
'And maybe I wont sacrifice you to the dark lord.' Jose grumbled 'you guys stay here. I'm going to go see what hit.'  
  
Jose pulled a P2K out of his pocket and headed off down a path.  
  
The survivors stood there and watched him go.  
  
'You're not going to follow him?' The cameraman asked.  
  
'Oh, we were planning on it, but we want to give him a head start/' Katsuhito said.  
  
'So we can show up at JUST the right time to witness something novel that might not have happened if we did not show up.' Ryoko added.  
  
'It's a kind of science I suppose.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'I see.' The cameraman said 'so how long do you intend to wait?'  
  
'About now.' Katsuhito said as they began to run off in the direction of the crash site.  
  
If it were anything else, whatever hit the ground might have been hard to locate. But this UFO had created a good amount of smoke that came along with it. The smoke was so thick at one point that the ground the survivors were walking on was not visible.  
  
'Ow!' Mihoshi yelled.  
  
Katsuhito halted amid the smoke, causing Ryoko to run into the back of him. She swung at his head but hit him in the shoulder.  
  
'Use your brake lights.' She mumbled.  
  
'What the hell did I trip over?' Mihoshi asked as she stood up. 'It feels like a bottle.'  
  
Mihoshi held onto the bottle and walked left, out of the thick haze. Indeed it was a bottle, but not an ordinary one. It was an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.  
  
'What in the world is this?' Katsuhito asked as a steady wind rolled in and took the smoke with it.  
  
In the path, imbedded in a few trees and generally scattered were other such empty bottles of alcohol.  
  
'Where did these come from?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'I have no idea.' Katsuhito responded 'but the trail of them keeps going.'  
  
The three survivors continued up the path, occasional having to deal with smoke. The survivors walked for a few more minutes, then they began to hear Jose yelling.  
  
'No gunshots yet.' The cameraman said 'That's a good sign.'  
  
'What did he just yell?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
'I have no idea.' Ryoko said 'Keep quiet so we can hear him.'  
  
The survivors walked in silence and were now able to hear Jose and his rants.  
  
'I said give me that bottle!' Jose was shouting 'What am I going to do with you? I don't have any more room to house more- Hey! How many more of those do you have in there? Give-me-that-'  
  
There were sounds of a short struggle, then the shattering of a glass bottle. Jose must have been ahead somewhere.  
  
'Oops.' Jose said, still out of visual range 'Hey, what are you doing? No, put that down. Ah! You almost killed me, you lush! Eek! Watch it! Ow!'  
  
Sounds of Jose running. Something novel indeed. Along with the sounds of running, someone was audibly making an effort to swing something. Something along the lines of a flaming Magna sword.  
  
The survivors pushed their way through the brush. At first glance, all they saw was Jose's back. He was standing behind a tree, dodging something that was on the other side.  
  
'Breath!' Jose yelled 'Take it easy! I'm sorry about the alcohol!' Jose reached into his back pocket and pulled out a silver hip flask 'Look, it's all I got. Take it.' Jose tossed the flask.  
  
The survivors stepped out and behind Jose.  
  
Jose sighed and turned to face the survivors.  
  
'Now that was a close one.' Jose said.  
  
'What was that all about?' Ryoko asked.  
  
'See for yourself.' Jose said as he pointed to the general area of 'behind the tree'.  
  
The survivors moved up next to the tree, but did not comprehend what they saw.  
  
In the center of a smoldering crater stood a beautiful woman. She was a little shorter than Jose. That was for sure. She wore woven sandals, more than likely hemp rope. A long white dress adorned her, complete with a very low cut neck line. She had long blond hair and very big (anime style) blue eyes. Strange enough were the wings on her back.  
  
'She's gorgeous.' Ryoko said.  
  
'Now that's a woman.' Katsuhito panted.  
  
'She's an angel.' Mihoshi said.'  
  
'She's also drunk.' Jose added.  
  
The survivors turned to look at Jose. He only nodded. Turning back to see the angel, they witnessed her take another drag from the flask, stumble and finally right herself with the sword.  
  
'Who is she?' Mihoshi asked.  
  
Jose walked past the survivors and down the bank of the crater. He stopped just behind the tipsy warrior and held her upright by the shoulders.  
  
'Survivors,' Jose said 'I'd like to introduce you to my guardian angel, Serra Angel. Serra, the survivors.'  
  
The survivors waved.  
  
Serra shifted and put one arm around Jose's shoulder. Slurring, she said:  
  
'This guy. This guy here. This is the guy.'  
  
'Indeed.' Jose said.  
  
'What is she doing here?' Ryoko asked quietly.  
  
Katsuhito shrugged.  
  
'So tell us Serra,' Jose said as he took a step back 'What ARE you doing here?'  
  
Serra turned to face Jose and shook her head violently back and forth. Blinking, she was stone sober in a second.  
  
'I was just out and about.' She said 'Just another great day in the realm, so I figured 'why not go out for a drink?' So I headed out and ended up here.'  
  
'A few my ass.' Katsuhito whispered.  
  
'Well, did you plan on staying long?' Jose asked 'I kind of have a game going on here.'  
  
'I know that.' She scoffed. She leaned in closer to Jose. 'Why do you think your XJY suit charged so fast? You would have been dead if I was not sober at that second.' She said quietly. She moved back again and resumed her smile. 'So what's the plan you're hatching?'  
  
Jose recalled his fun with the Special Ops agent Hunk. That would have turned out bad, Jose dead bad anyway, but the battery DID charge just in time.  
  
And it DID charge fast.  
  
Something strange was happening to Jose. Something in his mind started moving. A picture if you will. Gears were moving correctly, boilers were working, all cylinders were firing. It was an idea.  
  
'Serra,' Jose said 'Could I talk to you?'  
  
Katsuhito and Mihoshi sat on each side of Serra. They sat at a long table on stools. Jose stood on the other side of the table, cleaning some glasses with a white cloth.  
  
'We're doing WHAT?' Katsuhito bellowed.  
  
'I don't believe this.' Mihoshi said 'My mom would kill me.'  
  
'And I think it's a great idea.' Serra said as she munched on some pretzels. 'I feel honored that I am a part of this.'  
  
'Oh, you'll both enjoy this.' Jose said 'Besides, it will give me a chance to get a good laugh.'  
  
'Jose,' the cameraman said 'we're back on.'  
  
'Welcome back to Tenchi Survivor.' Jose said happily 'If you are just joining us, this is my guardian angel Serra.' The camera moved over to Serra. She waved. 'Today's challenge will be a fun one. The survivors were already filled in, but let's get you tuned in. The game is called Match Drink. It's simple really, Serra will take a measured amount of an alcohol of her choice, and the survivors must match that amount drunk.'  
  
'This is devious.' Ryoko said from off-screen.  
  
'Whoever can not finish the booze gets booted off the island.'  
  
'I almost fear for my own safety.' Katsuhito said 'Serra here looks like a pretty hard drinker.'  
  
Serra answered by putting on a hat that read:  
  
'Beer, it's what for breakfast, lunch and dinner.'  
  
'I think I'm in over my head.' Mihoshi said.  
  
'I think we both are.' Katsuhito agreed.  
  
'Survivors,' Jose said 'Serra, let the game begin.'  
  
Serra picked up a drink list and looked it over. It was a fairly good sized list. Over 112 beers, 64 mixed drinks and a ton of other various things. Serra could finish this off in her sleep. She adjusted her dress that got tangled in her sandals. Shifting around, she hitched them up a little, exposing her lower leg. On it was a tattoo.  
  
"I 'heart' Jack Daniels." Katsuhito read. 'I'm partial to Mr. Johnny Walker myself.'  
  
'I have a thing for Southern Accents.' Serra admitted 'Hey!' she yelled to Jose 'Let's get some service down here!'  
  
Jose hopped down to her side of the bar and wiped up nothing with a clean rag.  
  
'What can I get for you?' Jose asked.  
  
'Don't be cute.' Serra mumbled 'Flaming Jesus, and make it quick. My alcohol levels are low.'  
  
Jose pulled three shot glasses out from under the bar. With them, two bottles of alcohol.  
  
'One part Vermouth,' Jose said as he added the alcohol to the glasses 'and three parts whiskey' Adding the 134 proof alcohol, Jose set the shots in front of the Survivors.  
  
'I see the Jesus,' Serra said 'but I don't see the flaming.'  
  
Jose dug into his pocket and pulled a cigar tube.  
  
'Cuban.' He chuckled.  
  
Setting it on the table, Jose reached into his other pocket. After sorting through who knows what, Jose held up a pocket torch. Jose lit it and went glass by glass lighting them on fire.  
  
'Pretty.' Mihoshi marveled.  
  
Serra picked hers up and held a hand over the top. White mana flowed out of her palm, extinguishing the flame.  
  
'Cheers.' She said as she tossed the drink back. She replaced the glass mouth down. Jose picked it up and tossed it in the sink.  
  
Mihoshi made a move to put her hand over the fire, but Katsuhito reached behind Serra and tapped Mihoshi on the shoulder.  
  
'Don't.' He said.  
  
Mihoshi blew it out instead, Katsuhito doing the same. They both leaned back and took the shot. Placing the glasses on the table, Jose ran by and scooped them up. Tossing them in the sink, Jose prepared for the next order.  
  
'OK,' Serra said 'Let's try a glass of the 38' Latour.'  
  
Jose nodded and brought up three wine glasses. Out of a wine rack, Jose pulled out a bottle that looked quite dusty. The label on it was faded, but sported some German writing on it, including an old Swastika seal.  
  
'Stored in Germany during WWII, this bottle was stolen from France and moved to Germany during the war. It sat in Hitler's wine cabinet for 4 years, and then was stolen BACK to France as contraband. It was, many years later, sold to me for a very high price.'  
  
'Spare me the history lessons and give me some of that damned wine.' Serra said.  
  
Jose filled the small glasses and placed them in front of the players.  
  
Serra sat there for a few minutes and enjoyed the aged wine. Mihoshi and Katsuhito did the same.  
  
Nothing beats Nazi alcohol.  
  
'That was great.' Katsuhito said after he had finished his glass. 'I came far from hating that.'  
  
'It WAS good.' Mihoshi agreed.  
  
Serra picked up the list again and looked it over.  
  
'What's next?' Jose asked.  
  
'You know what I could really go for?' Serra asked.  
  
'No.' Jose said 'tell me.'  
  
'A Holy Bartender.' Serra said.  
  
'A what?' Jose asked.  
  
'You don't know what a Holy Bartender is?' Serra asked, sounding amazed.  
  
'I can't say I do.' Jose admitted.  
  
Serra turned around on her bar stool and rested her chin in her hand.  
  
'He doesn't know what a Holy Bartender is.' Serra said in shock 'I'll show you what one is.'  
  
Serra whipped around and held a Mac-10 under Jose's chin.  
  
Jose closed his eyes and tried not to laugh at the play on words, despite the fact his life was on the line.  
  
Serra cocked the auto pistol and Jose swallowed hard.  
  
'Yeah, right.' Serra said laughing. 'Killed by your own guardian angel. That's a good one.' She put the pistol back to wherever it came from.  
  
'Yeah,' Jose said 'Good one. All weapons aside, what do you want?'  
  
Serra slapped the list on the table.  
  
'Scorpion Bowl.'  
  
Katsuhito and Mihoshi dropped their heads on the table.  
  
A Scorpion Bowl, Mai Tai, Blue Gender, Alien Secretion and a quart of Russian Vodka later, Serra was her usual drunken self.  
  
The survivors were faring much worse. Katsuhito looked like he had been hit by a train, and Mihoshi, feeling much too hot, had just been stopped by Ryoko in an effort to remove her shirt.  
  
'Think she's pretty cute, huh?' Serra asked Jose quietly when he came by to clean up some spilled alcohol.  
  
'What?' Jose asked in a startled tone.  
  
'Oh, you don't have to admit to it. I know how you think and see her.'  
  
Jose glared at Serra.  
  
'Don't worry. I'm not about to tell her, but I will tell you one thing.'  
  
'What's that?' Jose asked.  
  
Serra leaned closer to Jose. Jose did the same.  
  
'She DOES think you are a nice kid, but she is not the one for you.'  
  
'Well I know THAT.' Jose said with volume, attracting the attention of the Survivors. He lowered his voice again 'I know that.'  
  
'Yeah,' Serra continued, draining her Triple Black 'but I DO know who the right one for you is. Your perfect match so to speak.'  
  
'Who?' Jose asked, eyebrows rising slightly.  
  
'Well, I can not give you a name, but I CAN tell you that she was on the island for a short time before she left.'  
  
'She got BANSHED!' Jose yelled.  
  
'Oh please. Ayeka was meant for Tenchi and Washu was a genius.'  
  
Jose shifted his eyes left and right. In confusion and lack of positive tone, Jose asked very quietly:  
  
'The little girl?'  
  
'No!' Serra yelled as she shoved Jose into a rack of booze. The Survivors looked at him only briefly before returning to their Smirnoff. 'Don't be disgusting.' Serra added.'  
  
Jose righted himself and leaned back toward Serra.  
  
'Was it Tenchi?' Jose asked repulsed by the thought.  
  
'Forget it.' Serra said 'You are so dumb. Now let's see, what do you recommend?'  
  
Jose collected the bottles of Black that the survivors had finished. Returning to Serra, Jose looked around to make sure no one would hear him.  
  
'Vat 69.' He said.  
  
Katsuhito perked up at the mention of that alcohol.  
  
'Vat 69?' Serra asked 'Never heard of it.'  
  
'Surprising.' Jose said 'It was a type of alcohol made in the 30's. It's almost impossible to find now.'  
  
'I remember that stuff.' Katsuhito said as he stared into the sun. 'It's been 62 years since I have last had that. I met a woman the first night I had that. It was quite the night, I tell you. I think I got a son out of that deal-'  
  
'Wonderful.' Jose said, ending that one. He uncorked the bottle and poured it into three glasses. Before it hit the table, Mihoshi grabbed the glass and downed its contents. Once the glass was back on the table, Jose collected it. Mihoshi reluctantly drank it, already feeling the affects of too much booze.  
  
Katsuhito drained the glass and happily set it down.  
  
'Boy, it's been a while since I tasted that.' He slurred. He turned his head to look at Serra, who looked at him. 'Know what ELSE I haven't tasted in a while?'  
  
Jose 'accidentally' dropped a glass behind the bar, halting the indecent conversation.  
  
'I got an idea.' Jose said 'How about I give you something out of my own stash?'  
  
'You make your own booze?' Serra happily inquired.  
  
'Not me, a friend of mine.' Jose sunk below the bar and began banging around looking for something. The survivors leaned forward to watch, but they did not make it far due to the amount of alcohol in their bloodstreams. Serra found a bowl of peanuts and began working on those.  
  
Jose stood back up and was now wearing a gas mask. He lifted up a small barrel and set it n the counter.  
  
'This stuff,' Jose said thought the mask 'Would strip paint off a wall.'  
  
Jose placed out three mugs. Pounding a stopper into the side of the barrel, he hauled up and placed a mug under the spigot. Twisting the top, a steady flow of tan liquid came out. Once the mug was full, Jose slid it to one side. It bubbled and churned like a sulfuric swamp.  
  
'What is-hic-that?' Mihoshi mumbled.  
  
'Phil Cassidy's Boom Shine.' Jose reported 'Made it in a back shed in Vice City. It's shipped here to me so I can do whatever I want with it. From drinks to fire bombs, this stuff is powerful.'  
  
'I don't feel too good.' Katsuhito mumbled.  
  
Jose zipped over to where Katsuhito was sitting and took off the gas mask.  
  
'You can't give up yet.' Jose said 'Mihoshi over there says that she's going to win this round, then the game.'  
  
'She did, did she?' Katsuhito demanded angrily. 'Serra!' He yelled to her. 'Drink that Boom Shine!'  
  
Serra shrugged and raised the glass. Taking a smell of it, she immediately, held it at arms length. She rubbed at her watering eyes.  
  
'Jeeze,' she said 'That is some powerful stuff. Even for me.'  
  
'That is defiantly not good.' Katsuhito observed.  
  
'I'm not feeling too hot.' Mihoshi informed everyone.  
  
'Bottoms up.' Jose said to Serra.  
  
Serra hesitated and looked at the glass again. It was a sick looking brew. It had chunks of SOMEHITNG floating in it. More than likely barrel bits that came off of its container. Even the head was a tint of yellow. Oh well. She was never one to complain about free alcohol of ANY sorts.  
  
Serra threw her head back and downed the probably blinding concoction.  
  
She began to cough pretty badly. She replaced the mug, almost dropping it due to intoxication. She was coughing so bad that she had to spin her back to the bar and put her hands on her knees.  
  
'That is not too reassuring.' Mihoshi offered as she gripper her head in pain.  
  
Serra made a fist and pounded on her chest, possibly trying to restart he heart. After 4 or 5 good hits, she fell off of the seat and onto the ground.  
  
'Now you have done it.' Katsuhito warned.  
  
'Can you kill and angel?' Mihoshi muttered.  
  
'I guess so.' Jose said quietly.  
  
Serra sat up and turned to look at Jose.  
  
'Thanks.' She said sloppily 'I think I needed that.'  
  
Jose faked a smile and looked at his survivors.  
  
'I guess it's your turn.' He said.  
  
'I don't believe this.' Ryoko said from off screen. The camera swung to picture Ryoko who was keeping herself busy with her beam sword. 'They are clearly one step away from alcohol poisoning, and you are still going to make them that crap. Boy am I glad I'm over here.'  
  
'Let's go survivors. This could very well decide who goes and who stays.'  
  
'O-h-h-h, my head.' Mihoshi repeated.  
  
'Over the lips and past the gums,' Katsuhito said 'Look out liver, because here it comes.' That said, Katsuhito finished it in one go.  
  
Mihoshi spun right on the bar stool.  
  
'Are you alright?' Jose asked her.  
  
She vomited her response.  
  
'Yeah,' Jose said sadly 'That's what my last girlfriend said too.'  
  
Katsuhito's eyes crossed and he began to rock back and forth.  
  
'Timber!' Serra shouted.  
  
Katsuhito fell back first onto the bar, landing in a bowl of salted peanuts. He began to snore.  
  
'That must have been good.' Serra slurred.  
  
Mihoshi retched a few more times, but nothing came out with the noise. Evidently, all that alcohol had beat her up pretty bad. She groaned and put an arm over her eyes. She was sweating horribly.  
  
'You can't quit now.' Jose said 'Katsuhito has a full glass over you.'  
  
Katsuhito continued to snore.  
  
'He's going to hurt in the morning.' Serra advised.  
  
Mihoshi made a feeble effort to pick up her mug. She missed it a few times, trying to find her way through the blue fog she was seeing. It did not work. The ground was wavering again, and the fluorescent lights hanging from the Christmas tree were laughing at her. A little pink can rolled its way down the bar to her. It was a can of something. It stood on end and opened a hinge in the middle of it to reveal two robotic eyes.  
  
'Gene!' It yelled 'Get up Gene!'  
  
Mihoshi batted it away, really hitting nothing.  
  
'Damn Long Ears.' She said 'Trying to take Easter away from Jesus.'  
  
'I don't think she's feeling too well.' Serra sad in a concerned tone, sober in a second.  
  
'Hey,' Mihoshi said to Serra 'I feel fine. Don't take me drunk. I'm not home.'  
  
Jose looked annoyed with having to put up with her drunken ramblings. Could have been worse though. She could have been yelling at a wall and then wanted to so swimming at 1 AM.  
  
'Are you going to finish that drink or not?' Jose demanded.  
  
'Who's my guardian angel?' Mihoshi asked as she fell onto Serra 'Is he cute?'  
  
Serra pushed her back upright.  
  
'I don't think she's going to drink that.' Serra said 'She's done here.'  
  
'Are you done Mihoshi?' Jose asked 'Are you going to drink that?'  
  
'Ja,ja,ja-a, Ja-a-a-a.'Mihoshi sang in sloppy German.  
  
'I'll take that as an 'I'm done'.' Jose said 'It looks like Katsuhito advances.'  
  
'Hey!' Mihoshi yelled at the invisible barmaid 'Frauline! Comen ze here!'  
  
'What's she saying?' Serra asked as she grabbed Mihoshi.  
  
'She said 'Look, I washed for supper'.' Jose joked. He began to laugh.  
  
'I'm going to bring Mihoshi to an extraction point.' Serra said 'I saw one when I flew over.'  
  
'You mean fell over.' Jose said 'And don't bother. I'LL take her to the docks.' Jose made a move in Mihoshi's direction, but halted when Ryoko stepped in his path.  
  
'Serra will take her.' Ryoko said 'You I don't trust.'  
  
'And I don't blame you.' Serra said as she picked Mihoshi off the ground. She mumbled something again.  
  
'Oh well.' Jose said 'can't say I won't miss her.' Jose watched as Serra carried Mihoshi off. Jose looked over to Katsuhito who was still sleeping in the peanuts. Jose moved down to the end of the bar. 'Hey, wake up man.'  
  
Katsuhito continued to snore. Jose poked him.  
  
Wake up, damn it. You won.' Still more snoring. 'Ok, we'll play that way.' Jose picked up a bucket from the floor. Seeing it was full of melted ice, now very cold water, Jose tossed it at Katsuhito who woke up quickly, a peanut stuck to his face.  
  
'Stay away from my wine! I'll kill you!' He yelled suddenly. Looking around, he saw that it was only Jose in front of him. 'What was that for?' He demanded drunkenly.  
  
'That was a wakeup call.' Jose said 'Wake up. You won.'  
  
Katsuhito looked around, shielding his eyes from the sun.  
  
'I'll be damned.' HE said 'I DID win.'  
  
'Now get out of here.' Jose said 'I'm closed.'  
  
Katsuhito nodded. Ryoko slid into view and tossed another bucket of cold water at Katsuhito. He spluttered and spat again.  
  
'What the hell was THAT for?' he shouted.  
  
Ryoko shrugged.  
  
'The smell.' She said.  
  
Katsuhito stood up and he and Ryoko headed back toward their camp, leaving Jose behind to clean up.  
  
Jose began wiping down the bar. Picking up the rogue peanuts, Jose poured himself a shot. Drying off the bar, Jose mumbled something about the survivors throwing up all over the place.  
  
The camera pulled back and showed Serra walking up to the bar, thought no one was around. Jose pointed to a 'closed' sign. The picture of them now was the both of them shouting, no audio heard. Serra took out her sword again and started waving it around. The last shot was of Jose pulling out a bottle of Guinness.  
  
End of Day 18 


	11. Day 19

Tenchi Survivor

Day 19

Jose Mendola

Authors Note: So I was looking through all the junk I had to move back into my dorm, and I found all my note books. I had originally planned on finishing this before I left for Kuwait, but as you can see, that fell to pieces…. And now, to make up for lost time, I'll see if I can get this done before I go home for leave…. 20 measured days. OR, if I get really slowed by whatever, we'll try and have this done before I go to Korea. Wonderful to see that you are still reading this…. I DO hope your interest has not faded… Enjoy.

Legal Notice: I do not own any of these characters, their names or their affiliation with one another. They are copyrighted named of someone that is not me or related to me. The idea of Survivor, (though a tired one) does not belong to me either. With that in mind, KEEP in mind that I am an unoriginal bastard that has nothing better to do than pound out fics for his own enjoyment.

It had been 2 days since Jose had held the last banishment challenge. No one had seen him since, but 12 hours ago, Ryoko had seen Serra take off. With any type luck that she had left, Jose would be a bloody pulp and in such a bad condition that the remaining survivors would have to leave the island right away. Ryoko had no dive to finfish this game indeed. She kicked around in the shallows of a cove to find something that she might have been able to turn into lunch. She was not a picky person at this point, and she had almost settled on the fish she found floating.

Katsuhito had been helped to the shelter the night after the drink off. Since then, he had not been up too many times except to relieve himself. After some time out of the sun and in bed, he was once again up and moving. All was well as long as he stood up slowly, moved slowly and did not breathe at anyone. The lingering affect of all the alcohol, aside from how bad he felt, was his mouth ranking in taste of somewhere between water treatment plant and Boston Taxi floor. Sure, it OCULD have been worse, but this was bad enough. At the time, Katsuhito was looking for mangos to eat and press into a hangover killing drink.

'This sucks,' Ryoko said 'NOW who am I suppose to complain about my 'girl' problems to?'

'Not me.' Katsuhito offered. 'Unless it involves girls in almost nothing, keep me out of it.'

'You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?' Ryoko asked.

'Not if I can help it.' Katsuhito sighed.

They continued looking around for food, eventually coming back tot eh camp with a few small fish.

A Fire was started and the Survivors began cooking.

'Are we out of water?' Ryoko asked.

Katsuhito picked up a rock and looked under it.

'I guess so.' He said with all sarcasm he could possibly fit in.

Ryoko ignored the comment and went to the shelter. Pulling out two wooden buckets, she tossed one at Katsuhito.

'We need water.' She reminded him 'Let's stock up before we eat.'

'But I'm so tired.' Katsuhito said 'Besides, I'm comfortable.'

Ryoko closed her eyes and sighed.

'If you do not get moving RIGHT now, I'm going to line your bed with poison ivy as you sleep.'

Katsuhito pondered his options. Not one to favor itching, he got up with the bucket and moved.

'To the spring.' He said with fake enthusiasm.

Jose was walking down a path, singing to himself.

'Hear the song of the falling rain, coming down like an Armageddon flame. The shame, the ones that died without a name. Hear the dogs howling out of key, to a hymn called Faith and Misery' Jose crossed himself.

Jose's phone rang and interrupted his next verse.

Jose checked the screen and flipped the phone open.

'I know, I was up for 24 hours serving Serra after the banishment. Yeah, I know, there was nothing I could do. She JUST left. So what's the plan now? No, that's crazy. We're going by my plan. Look, I don't care what JEFF did for his last survivors on NBC, this is JTV. Alright, tell you what, if –IF- something was to happen to the shelter, THEN I could go on with the rest of the plan?'

Jose walked into the survivors came while the coo owner of JTV kept talking. A fire was burning and no one was around. Jose smiled to himself and pulled out his Zippo.

'So, IF something happened, I could go on as I had planned? Great.' Jose lit the lighter and watched the flame in a trance. 'I got to go. Something just came up. I'll call you back later.' Jose closed the phone and replaced it in his pocket. 'Step one,' Jose said to himself 'Saying goodbye.' Jose dropped the lighter at the base of the shelter. 'On holiday!' Jose yelled.

The two remaining survivors, buckets loaded, were heading toward the jungle line that was near the campsite. There was a funny smell in the air.

'What is that?' Ryoko asked 'It smells like burning trash.'

'There's a lot of smoke too.' Katsuhito pointed out. 'I don't like the looks of this.'

The survivors arrived at the site and almost dropped their buckets at what they saw.

Where their shelter had been, only a black circle remained that contained smoldering tinder's, logs and some other melted things. Jose was standing next to the chard remains with a garden hose, soaking down everything that might still be hot.

'What the crap happened here?' Ryoko demanded 'Our shelter!'

'Our STUFF!' Katsuhito added.

'Well look who's back.' Jose said 'Mr. and Ms. Don't keep an eye on the fire. See what happens when you leave a fire unattended?'

'So what's going to happen now?' Katsuhito asked.

'Well, when I showed up here, I had a revelation. This loss will be the first of the Super 6.'

'Super 6?' Ryoko and Katsuhito echoed.

'The final challenges will be a return of the banishments that the other survivors had to go through. This on, the first, shall be in remembrance of the first survivor to go, Sasami. Asked to leave because she was underage, the same way you said goodbye to her, say goodbye to your home and all your belongings.'

The survivors stared at Jose.

'Oh, and shelters of any kind are now illegal. NO BUILDING SHELTERS.'

'Damn.' Katsuhito grumbled.

'So with the first one taken care of, only 5 more to go.'

The survivors turned from the smoldering wreckage and went back to their fire pit. The logs that had burnt were glowing, giving off faint heat and producing small wisps of smoke. The two survivors went about cooking their food while Jose continued to saturate the cinders.

'This sucks.' Ryoko announced. 'No shelter, no decent food, and no one to talk to.'

'Hey, I'M here.' Katsuhito offered.

'You don't count.' Ryoko sighed.

Katsuhito shrugged; happy he would not be subject to her ramblings.

Jose walked over to the two survivors, hose in hand.

'What's going on over here?'

'Not a damn thing.' Ryoko replied.

Jose looked at his surroundings.

'So what do you have out here for food? I'm hungry.'

Katsuhito stifled a cynical chuckle and point at a tree loaded with coconuts.

That's it?' Jose demanded 'Can't a guy get a decent burger around here?'

'We'd be happy to give you some food,' Ryoko began 'but seeing as how we have practically nothing, that's exactly what you'll get.'

Jose put his hands in his pocked and nodded.

'Ok then.' Jose said out loud 'Then I'll tell you what, I'll go get us some food. Once I get back, I'll make you guys another meal, deal?'

Ryoko and Katsuhito both looked alarmed.

'What?' Jose asked.

'The last time you made any of us food,' Ryoko started 'You cooked up that spaceship for a cat, Ryo-ohki.'

'Oh, give it up.' Katsuhito shot in 'besides, all those vegetables that foul smelling creature ate just fattened it up anyway. That's why I let it stay in my house. I was planning the same thing from the beginning. It was good food anyway.'

'In all honesty,' Jose said sounding pleased 'I was thinking of opening up an original restaurant chain after this that specialized in serving Ryo-ohki and Menchi.'

'That would be GREAT!' Katsuhito said, much to the dismay of Ryoko 'And if we went into business together, Your cooking, my book keeping ability, why, we could rule the world.'

Ryoko faulted over onto her side.

The conversation continued until his phone rang.

'Hold on.' Jose explained 'I need to take this.'

Jose went about babbling into the phone while Ryoko conversed with Katsuhito.

'You have to be joking.' Ryoko said 'You think that's a good idea?'

'Hey,' Katsuhito said in defense 'If I make it out of here alive, I'm going to need a place to work.'

'But with Jose running the place? How a good a business man could he be?'

'I heard he once started off with a cardboard box and a pitcher of lemonade and he now owns the Dells Frozen Lemonade family franchise.'

'His last names' not Dell.' Ryoko pointed out.

'Come to think of it, 'Katsuhito said as he pulled a flask out of his pocket and began to unscrew it 'you might be right. Perhaps I'm just crazy.' He took a shot, capped it and replaced it.

'Just possibly.' Ryoko agreed.

Jose walked up to the two survivors, phone still to his head.

'No, no.' Jose said 'thank YOU. No, I'll be able to make it this year. Yeah, I JUST got back from Kuwait. Yeah, I'm not sure about next year. Or the year after that. I'll try to make it again, but no promises. OK, nice to talk to you too. Take care. See you in May.' Jose closed the phones and looked at the survivors. 'Anime Boston Director.' Jose said in hopes someone cared 'Thanked me for showing up the first two years and making plans to return this year. Now where were we?'

'We were talking about running a business.' Katsuhito reported.

'Here we go again.' Ryoko sighed.

"Oh yes,' Jose said, coming back to reality. 'I was about o break out the next memorial challenge. Follow me please.'

'Damn.' Katsuhito sighed.

Jose led the survivors down a path a ways into the jungle. The path was regularly traveled; both shoed and shoeless foot prints lined the road. Along the path, a new addition.

'What's with the torches?' Ryoko asked.

'You see,' Jose started 'The real game represents the survivor's time on the island, and once someone is banished, their torch is extinguished. I, however, don't pass up a chance to play with fire when I get it.'

'Sounds like a plan.' Ryoko said 'a bad one.' She added to Katsuhito.

Jose led the survivors to a large, almost clear area. The trees in the area were al chard black. The vegetation in the area was sparse at best, but it was making a comeback. The air smelled of an old, wet fire, and there was a 50 foot trench that ran 3 feet deep.

'Good god,' Katsuhito started 'this is the site of that big fire we had on the island a while ago.' Both survivors looked around in awe. Since the day of that fire they had all fought, none of them had been back to visit this part of the island. Up until now, they had forgotten about it.

In the middle of it all, three water reserve towers stood. Connected to them, an absolute MESS of pipes, and three chemical showers. None of the tanks were marked in anyway. They were all about 6 feet tall, off the stilts and were a sick OD green color. Above all of this, scaffolding and a white curtain.

'What the hell is going on here?' Ryoko demanded.

'This is the second Nostalgia Challenge.' Jose said 'This one haunts our memory from the time Ayeka was challenged to shower in that creepy house up on that hill.'

'Why do you keep changing the challenge titles?' Katsuhito asked 'Nostalgia challenge', remembrance challenge' I don't get it.'

'Because I can't remember what I called it last time.' Jose said.

'Isn't this scripted?' Katsuhito asked.

'You'd think it would be.' Jose said 'Monkeys at keyboards I tell you. Now shut up and listen. What we have here is the next challenge. This one consists of taking a shower, bringing back the idea of the lovely Ayeka. Please note the chemical showers behind me. Two of the three are hooked up to water. Either of you care to guess what the third is hooked up to?'

'Battery acid.' Ryoko answered cynically.

'Rock on indeed.' Jose said 'Battery Acid it is.'

Katsuhito stared at Jose wide eyed while Ryoko slapped her forehead, cursing her good guess.

'The object here is to step under the chemical shower, pull the cord and survive the shower. Now, if it turns out that you are too dead to shower, you don't move on to the other challenges. Sounds fair, no?'

'So how do we decide who goes first?' Katsuhito asked, plan already formulating in his head.

'Well,' Jose started 'Because I'm a firm believer in ladies first, Katsuhito, you're up first. I'm throwing that belief out the window.'

Katsuhito's plan fizzled out. Jose chuckled evilly.

'I have every potential to win.' Ryoko said to herself 'All I have to do is pick the one that Katsuhito went under, or make it a 50-50 shot. This is easier than confusing Mihoshi with 'Who's buried in Grant's tomb'.

'And Ryoko,' Jose said 'Before you go thinking that you'll just walk under the same on that Katsuhito uses, the tanks will be changed behind a curtain.' Jose pointed tot eh right and the camera followed. 'These guys here will rearrange the pipe connections within 10 minutes so your pick will be absolutely random.'

The workers waved.

'Indeed.' Jose said.

Ryoko looked at Jose at an angle. Jose answered the unasked question by pulling a laminated card out of his pocket and holding it out to Ryoko.

'Terra Ghost Certificate of Graduation.' She read 'Trained and passed in Marksmanship, Telepathy and stealth. Figures.'

'Now,' Jose began again 'Katsuhito, you may begin when ready.'

Katsuhito adjusted his weight onto one leg and scratched at his chin in deep though. After a minute, she changed weight to the other leg, tired of the first angle.

'Do pick carefully.' Jose reminded him 'One out of three could very well kill you, and I'd hate to have to send you home dead. Either way, I'm sure this will work out well.'

'And if it doesn't,' Ryoko started 'do we get tossed in body bags and buried by our friends?'

Jose walloped her with a hefty stick he had found on the ground.

'No dummy.' Jose said 'I'll torch your bodies in a funeral pyre built to honor the dark god Morrigan.'

'Tasteful.' Ryoko scoffed.

Katsuhito had meanwhile picked the shower he was going to bet his life on. He settled for the one on the far left. Sure, the middle one and the right one were not without their charms, but Katsuhito had a good feeling about the left one.

'All set, Jose.' Katsuhito informed the loveable host.

Jose turned away from Ryoko who was shaking from anger after being hit with a stick. Jose faced Katsuhito.

'Yes?' Jose asked.

'I'm going for the one on the left.'

'Excellent choice.' Jose said with mock enthusiasm 'Best of luck to you. Now strip.'

'What?' Katsuhito demanded.

'Lose the clothes.' Jose repeated. 'I'm not going to risk my survivor's health by having them walk around in wet clothes all day. Let's go. Down t your shorts.'

'When did we get to county jail?' Ryoko asked.

'I feel like I'm taking gym again.' Katsuhito grumbled as he untied his robe. 'And having Jose less than 10 feet away is NOT making this any kind of easier.'

'Cram it.' Jose said 'I'm not enjoying this anymore than you are. Yet.' He added glancing at Ryoko. 'Now hurry up.'

Katsuhito reached to untie his robes belt, but stopped when he saw Jose still existed. He turned his back to Jose.

'Knock it off!' Jose yelled 'It's nothing I haven't seen before! For the love of god, you have boxers on!'

Katsuhito gathered up his pants and folded them neatly on top of his robe. He turned back to face Jose, crossing his arms over his shorts.

'I hate you.' Jose said.

Katsuhito moved over to his chosen shower. He looked it over one more time, evaluating his choice.

The shower itself was a simple setup. It was a small cylinder, missing a quarter of its circular shape. There was a plastic shower head connected to a pipe that ran through the tube and out the back. The water flow control was simple. It was a small metal pull bar that ran up to a horizontal pipe. It would open the pipe, allowing whatever was connected to that line to flow out and onto Katsuhito.

'Here goes nothing.' Katsuhito told himself.

Jose watched as Katsuhito reached for the pull bar. Ryoko turned away, not wanting to see her crush's grandfather disintegrate in front of her.

'I wonder which one he picked.' Jose said out loud. 'This will defiantly be an interesting challenge.'

Katsuhito gripped the handle and closed his eyes. With any luck, the possible death would be quick and painless. Then again, with any MORE luck, Katsuhito would live long enough to survive and win this so he could hire a hit to off Jose.

Katsuhito exhaled due to that great though. He relaxed and allowed his arm to fall to rest. The only problem was, he still had his grip on the handle, so when his arm fell, the valve opened and the pipe opened.

Somewhere behind the shower, pipes clanked and pressurized something filled the network of pipes Katsuhito opened.

Katsuhito lifted his head and looked at the showerhead where his possible death would meet him face on. Katsuhito closed his eyes.

'Fuck.' Jose mumbled 'He picked the safe one.'

Ryoko exhaled her relief.

Katsuhito breathed heavily once he realized he was not being eaten alive by acid. It had been a long time since he had enjoyed a shower.

'Can I get some soap over here!" He yelled to Jose.

'Of all the rotten luck.' Jose said 'And I wanted a skeleton too.'

'Yeah, what a shame.' Ryoko said 'Really sucks.'

'Hurry up in there!' Jose yelled at Katsuhito 'We still need to get Ryoko through this!'

Katsuhito waved Jose off, dismissing the order.

'Fine.' Jose said 'If that's how you're going to play.'

Jose turned to the left to face the water temperature control device. Looking back to make sure Katsuhito was still in the shower, Jose readied the lever to shut off the hot water.

'Watch this.' Jose said.

'You're a horrible person.' Ryoko said to him.

Jose jerked the lever, shutting down all hot water. There was a loud clunk, then the sound of running water nearby.

'Y-e-e-e-eow!' Katsuhito yelled from the shower. The camera swung over to view the commotion. 'COLD!' Katsuhito yelled as he ran out of the shower and across the sand.

He stopped short of Jose, teeth chattering. Jose handed him a towel.

Jose reached up and grabbed a rope that was probably hanging from nothing. The curtain that was hanging over the three showers fell to close the view of them. Jose pulled a radio from his pocket.

'Go ahead. Work time.' Jose said into the radio. 'You have about 10 minutes.'

The radio crackled some kind of response. Immediately afterwards, there were sound of pipes being banged around and things moved.

Jose kicked the loose clothes to Katsuhito. He hastily picked them up and began to dress.

Jose had a 10 minute discussion with the survivors about the Evil that is the FCC and the much related topic of Howard Stern., Jose's hero.

The curtains were pulled back, shower tanks switched and at the ready. Jose turned to look at the handy work. Content, Jose turned to face Ryoko.

'OK, Ryoko,' Jose said, shark smile and all 'Your turn. Deposit all clothes in the box and make a choice.'

Katsuhito turned away, not wanting to be a part of this one.

Ryoko stared at Jose, far form amusement. Jose must have been serious, for he did not smile his innocence or move.

Ryoko got the same hint and vanished.

'What the hell!' Jose yelled, startled.

'I believe that she did not like the idea of stripping down in front of you, let alone in front of a nation wide audience.' Katsuhito offered.

'Unbelievable.' Jose said 'that's the same amount of action I got living in the apartment.'

Katsuhito looked confused.

Do you think I scared her off, or the camera did?' Jose asked.

'Honestly?' Katsuhito ventured.

Ryoko faded back into reality a few feet (outside of arms reach) away from Jose. She had changed into a simple coral green two piece bikini. It matched her hair quite well. Not to mention the rest of her.

'Don't.' she said, pointing to Jose 'I'll kill you before you can even THINK it.'

'Nuts.' Jose said.

Ryoko began to walk toward the chemical showers. Jose's gaze followed her.

Ryoko threw a hand behind her, hurling a small ball of pink energy at Jose. The ball impacted on a tree, causing it to burst into flames.

'I can't help it.' Jose said to Katsuhito 'She's a girl, I a bikini, walking WAY from me.'

Ryoko halted in front of the showers. One of the three held her fate. The other two would allow her to continue on with her quest and possibly end up on top. On top of what? Tenchi? This would be a tough choice, but one way or another, things had to happen fast.

'Any time now!' Jose shouted to Ryoko.

She flipped him the bird.

'I think she likes you.' Katsuhito laughed.

Ryoko considered her options. Evidently, something had happened top the pipes. They had been changed, or switched around or something. The game was indeed dangerous. God only knew what Jose would do with a clean skeleton. Probably keep it on display at his house or sell it to a university for a prop.

'I wonder what I'm going to do to get out of this one.' Ryoko said to herself. Ryoko got an idea. It was against everything she believed in and thought moral, but it was worth a shot. It was a cheap and sleazy shot, but it's not like she was going to TOUCH him.

'What the hell is taking so long?' Jose demanded 'pick one and get in!'

Ryoko closed her eyes and exhaled, preparing herself for what she was about to do.

From where Jose stood, it looked like Ryoko had dropped something.

'Huh?' Jose mumbled.

Ryoko bent from the waist to look for what she had 'dropped'. Things shifted according to plan.

Jose fell on his back, bleeding from the nose.

'Holy hell.' Katsuhito as he succumbed to the same nose bleed epidemic.

Ryoko righted herself and looked back. Good, Jose was down and out for a short time. That would give her a few minutes to choose her path.

Jose regained his feet a few minutes later. 'Adjusting' himself, he looked around.

'Thanks.' He said as he wiped at his nose 'I needed that. Have you picked the shower you are going t place your bet on?' Jose asked. 'Keep in mind; this could be the deciding factor on who wins the game.'

Ryoko turned to face Jose. She answered him by fixing the bottom half of what she was wearing by running her thumbs along the elastic seams and letting them go with a snap. Jose flinched. She turned around again to face the showers.

The right one. It was ALWAYS the right one that was good, but that was too obvious. Then again, it WAS the right one. The middle one was not without its charm, but no one EVER picked the middle. And the left one? Forget it. It was the LEFT one.

Ryoko closed her eyes and nodded.

Defiantly the right.

Ryoko walked to it and stepped in. She reached up to haul on the handle, and then stopped.

'What the hell?' Jose sighed.

Ryoko stepped out of the right shower and walked over to the left one and stepped in.

'Is she crazy?' Katsuhito asked 'I was JUST in that one. No WAY is it safe a second time.'

Jose scowled behind his sunglasses.

Ryoko looked at the floor and hauled on the handle.

More sounds of pipes rattling and water moving. Seconds later, water cascaded over Ryoko.

'Thank god.' Katsuhito said 'I'd hate to win like that.'

'Fuck me in the mouth.' Jose cursed to himself. 'I though I had her.'

Ryoko sighed, happy to be alive. She was not sure where the notion came form to change showers, but she was happy she listened to it, less she might be dead right now.

Jose walked over and put a watermelon in the right hand shower.

Ryoko stepped out of hers, threw a towel on. No need to egg Jose on after all.

Jose pulled the line in the shower and stepped back.

Again, the sound of clanking pipes and moving liquid and out the showerhead.

Instead of water coming out, a neon green liquid exploded forth and turned to vapor the second it hit the melon. It took a minute for the steam to clear, but once it had, there was nothing left where the melon used to be.

'Yikes.' Katsuhito said 'I'm glad I didn't get that one.'

'And I'm disappointed that no one did.' Jose said.

Jose walked behind the showers and started talking to the workers in broken Spanish. It seemed that most of them got right to work. A few of them might have even understood Jose too well. After a few more tries and a few Brazilian words, pipes were detached and the set was being deconstructed. Jose walked back out tot eh Survivors.

'Immigrants.' Jose sighed. 'The country would fall apart without them, but I would not have to speak so many languages.'

'Speaking of Languages,' Katsuhito started 'Why do you understand us?'

'What?' Jose asked.

'Are we subbed or dubbed?' Katsuhito asked.

Jose shrugged and Ryoko hit Katsuhito on the shoulder.

'Does it matter?' Ryoko demanded 'If we were talking in our own language, Jose would not understand a-word-of-it-'

'I don't think he can understand us.' Katsuhito said in his native Japanese. 'This might work.'

'I don't think so.' Ryoko said in Japanese. 'Say something again and look at your feet.'

'What?' Katsuhito asked as he looked at his feet. 'Aw, crap. We speak in English and we're dubbed. We switch it up to Japanese and we're dubbed. I hate this place.'

'We both do.' Ryoko said in English, her voice changing 'And I don't sound like this.'

'Does no one here read Japanese?' Katsuhito demanded in English.

'Give it up guys.' Jose said, French subtitles showing up beneath him for some reason. 'Either way, I'll be able to tell what you are saying.' Jose looked toward his feet and saw the French words disappear. 'What the hell?' Jose demanded, the words now showing up in Spanish. 'Whatever.' He said.

'So what's our next game?' Ryoko asked, no words accompanying her.

'Yeah,' Katsuhito said, no words for him either 'I want to get this over with.'

'OK,' Jose said, Korean typing under his feet. 'We should go. I'm pretty sure the next challenge is almost done being set up.'

Jose began walking, but ran shin first into the Korean Characters. They bent out at a slight angle. Jose walked in a quick circle, stomping out the pain. Facing the bent words again, Jose frowned at them and angrily kicked them, sending Korean characters scattering over the path. Jose limped off; the survivors followed him as they stepped over the scattered characters.

'Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, wrestling fans of all ages, MBYW PROUDLY brings to you, it's first ever live broadcasted bout. Mendola Backyard Wrestling is pleased to present its first, and probably LAST weapons match!'

The camera is pulled back and Jose is seen wearing a black and white striped ref shirt. Standing in the middle of a crudely built wrestling ring, Jose held a microphone.

'This is the Tenchi related challenge, playing off the idea that he was PUNCHED and lost because of it. The rules here are real easy. There are no rules. Contestants will win by either pin fall or TKO. That having been said, let's bring out our first contestant.'

The lights that did not exist dimmed. Seconds later, pyrotechnics went off.

A bell tolled and the song, minus the lyrics to Maxwell Murder began to play.

'Making her way into the ring,' Jose said over the microphone 'Weighing in at- well, we have no idea how little she weighs. And measuring 5' 11", Ryoko!'

Ryoko hopped up on the ring apron, waved to the nonexistent crowd and hauled herself over the top rope. She walked over to Jose and took the microphone from him.

'I'd like to start off by saying I hate this idea, but I'm going to enjoy the fight.' She handed the microphone back to Jose.

'And her opponent,' the lights flared red and flames shot out of the tops of palm trees (how funny would that be?) 'Katsuhito Misaki!'

'Motorbreath' kicked up and Katsuhito rant o the ring, kendo stick in hand. Sliding under the bottom rope, Katsuhito stood up and swung at Ryoko.

The stick connected to Ryoko's back. It made a loud cracking sound. Ryoko fell to her knees, holding onto the second rope.

Crack! Crack! The stick landed two more hits on Ryoko. Katsuhito raised the stick again for a power swing. AS he swung downward, Ryoko rolled out of the way. The stick hit the top rope, and in a very well played action of exaggeration, the stick came back and hit Katsuhito on the forehead.

'Wonderful!' Jose yelled form a table he had snuck off to as Katsuhito played tot eh hit and staggered around.

Ryoko ran across the ring and rebounded off the ropes. Building momentum, she ran at Katsuhito.

Katsuhito turned just in time to catch a dropkick to the head. As Katsuhito fell back, Ryoko recovered to her feet.

'Excellent offensive move by Ryoko!' Jose yelled 'If this keeps up, Ryoko will have this match in the bag.'

Ryoko began to stomp at Katsuhito, and then made for the turnbuckle. She climbed tot eh second rope and stopped. Gripping the top rope, she bounced on the second rope to build up some power. Two springboards later, she jumped up and pushed out with her arms, she straightened herself out so she would land in a pin. That was the plan anyway.

As soon as Ryoko was a slave to gravity, Katsuhito put his knees up.

Ryoko landed on his knees stomach first and bounced off.

Jose laughed.

Katsuhito righted himself and jumped out of the ring. Once on the ground, he threw the ring apron back and started rooting through the things beneath the ring.

The lights went out again and the sounds of Katsuhito searching for something ceased. The only sound was Ryoko trying to get her breath back.

'What the hell is going on?' Jose demanded form his table.

Coal Chambers 'Loco' came over the speakers and black lights were flipped on. Next to Jose, a bare bulb hung from nothing. It flickered in a burning out fashion as it swung back and forth lightly.

A dark Cloud of something appeared under the light. Jose turned his head as the cloud thickened. When Jose turned back to see what had happened, or where the cloud came from, there was a very odd looking woman there. She was at least Jose's height, wore black leather-like pants and a torn up, dirty tunic. Scars covered her exposed skin and face. Her hair, odd enough, was wrapped in tight braids that were as clean as Jose's mudding boots. She clapped Jose on the back and smiled. A dark cloud remained buzzing around her head.

'Jose!' she said happily as the lights went back on 'Nice to see you again! What brings you here?'

Katsuhito continued rummaging while Ryoko got back to her feet on the ropes opposite him.

'Fulla Braids!' Jose yelled happily as he stood up 'Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to my co-commentator, Fulla Braids!'

Braids smiled and waved the comment off.

'So where have you been?' Jose asked braids.

'I just got in from Flushing.' Braids said laughing.

'Woah, hey.' Jose said 'so what do you think of flushing New York?'

'I think it's a good idea.' Braids said Laughing.

Jose scowled.

'That's not cool.' Jose said as he turned his attention back to the ring.

Katsuhito had pulled out a trashcan and turned around to climb back into the ring. At chest level, the can made a good target for Ryoko who baseball slid into it.

Impacting on Katsuhito, the can dropped as he fell backwards.

'Beautiful offensive move by Ryoko.' Braids cheered.

Ryoko climbed out between the ropes and stood on the apron, opposite of Katsuhito.

Raising her right elbow, she slapped it four times with her left hand. She took off running down the apron.

'Now I've seen this before.' Jose said 'If she lands this, Katsuhito might be in trouble.'

Ryoko jumped off the apron at a run and flew elbow first at Katsuhito.

Ryoko scored a hit by landing her elbow right on Katsuhito's chest. He jolted from the impact and began gasping. Ryoko, taking a hard hit as well, rolled away from him in pain.

'Wonderful hit!' Braids said 'But it looks lie they are both suffering form that one.'

Katsuhito struggled to his feet, only to fall back to one knee. Ryoko slid her self halfway under the ring in hopes of finding something to take Katsuhito out with.

Jose stood up, bringing the Microphone with him. There could be a pin soon, so he had to be ready.

'Katsuhito's back up!' Jose Informed 'He's back up and looking for Ryoko!'

Jose followed Katsuhito as he staggered around the ring, looking for Ryoko. Un-bloodied but bruised, Katsuhito plodded on.

Just around the corner, Ryoko stood up. She appeared to be unarmed. Katsuhito charged, Jose on his heels.

As soon as he rounded the corner, Ryoko fired.

Brandishing a dry chemical extinguisher, Ryoko opened up on Katsuhito. She was unaware that Jose was behind him. She continued until the fire extinguisher was empty.

Blinded by the chemical cloud, Katsuhito doubled over and coughed. Jose stood frozen as the powder settled over him.

'And Jose looks like a powdered donut!' Braids cackled.

Taking the advantage of the time, Ryoko dropped the empty extinguisher and kneed Katsuhito in the stomach.

Katsuhito jumped with the hit and Ryoko caught him in the same position, delivering two more of the same strikes and then let Katsuhito fall on his face.

Jose shook the powder off himself and coughed.

Ryoko rolled Katsuhito over and covered him for a pin. Jose fell next to them.

'One!' Jose yelled, slapping his hand on the ground 'Two!'

Katsuhito kicked out of the pin.

Ryoko beat Katsuhito to his feet and tied up with him. The weight shifted between the two a few times. At one point, it looked like Ryoko had Katsuhito at an advantage, but then Katsuhito evened it out.

'It looks like this could go either way now.' Jose said.

'The brutality itself so far in this match is amazing.' Braids said 'I have no idea what to expect next.'

Katsuhito eventually won over in the lock up. Catching Ryoko's head between his legs, he grabbed the sides of her pants and hauled. Falling down to a sitting position, Ryoko caught the ground head first. Katsuhito Rolled away.

'Well executed Pulling Pile driver.' Jose said.

'Easily a trademark move.' Braids shot in.

Ryoko was now on her back. Katsuhito moved up to her head. Sitting her up in front of him, Katsuhito placed his palms on each side of her head. Slowly adding pressure, he went for a simple submission.

Jose kneeled down next to Ryoko as braids chanted 'Head squeeze! Head squeeze!'

Ryoko looked to be in a decent amount of pain.

'All you have to do is tap something Ryoko.' Jose said 'Just tap something and this will end right now,'

Ryoko tried to shake her head no.

Katsuhito, still putting the hurt on, did not see Ryoko grab the Microphone from Jose. She swung it back and over her head, Connecting with Katsuhito's forehead and producing a lout feedback over the speaker system.

Falling backwards, Katsuhito probed the spot with his hand where he had just been hit. Looking at his hand, he saw that there was blood on it. Not a lot, but defiantly his own.

Ryoko had drawn first blood.

She jumped to her feet and shook away the pain of compression out of her head. She then went over to Katsuhito and dropped a few hammer blows on his back.

Katsuhito went on the defensive and lurched forward, driving his shoulder into Ryoko's gut. The momentum carried her back, Katsuhito on top of her. Sitting up, now straddling Ryoko's chest, Katsuhito shoved a fist in the air.

'Ultimate Punching.' Braids groaned as he went to town on Ryoko's head.

Katsuhito brought a flurry of lefts and rights upside Ryoko's head. In all reality, if they were not so random hits, they could have been fended off, but Katsuhito would fake with a right, fake a left then hit with a right. With no rhyme or reason to the pattern, many of the hits landed on their target.

Katsuhito landed a lot of good hits until he stood up.

Rising to the side of Ryoko, Katsuhito put one foot on her breastbone, brought both arms up and flexed them. A specialty pin of his.

Jose fell to the ground and began the count.

'One! Two! Thr-'

Ryoko jerked a shoulder up at the last second.

'Good god!' Braids yelled 'who could get up after that?'

Katsuhito, tired of screwing around, ran to a side of the ring and tossed up the apron. Rummaging again, he began looking for weapons.

'And into the ring comes- a 2x4!' Jose informed 'And following that, a trashcan! And- what the hell is that thing?'

Katsuhito had hauled out a ladder. It was made of yellow plastic with aluminum rungs. It topped off at about 12 feet tall.

Katsuhito held up the ladder so it was vertical. Content with his weapon of choice, he slid it into the ring under the bottom rope. Diving under the ring one more time, Katsuhito came out with a baking sheet.

'I'm not exactly sure where that came from.' Jose said 'But I can't I can not begin to tell you what else is going to happen.'

Katsuhito slid into the ring with the pan. Once in, he dropped the pan for the ladder. Setting it upright, Katsuhito extended the legs and locked the clips. He shook it once to test it, and then turned to face Ryoko.

While gearing up the ring, Ryoko had returned to her feet. She had now climbed the apron, standing on the outside of the ropes. AS soon as she had cleared her head, mostly anyway, Katsuhito had been on the opposite side of the ropes to greet her.

Thinking fast, Katsuhito took hold of the middle rope and drove his shoulder into Ryoko again, leaving her open for an attack. Reaching over the top rope, Katsuhito took Ryoko by the pants and hauled up and over, stopping when she was vertical.

'Incredible!' Jose shouted 'Katsuhito has Ryoko at a 90 degree angle, setting her up for a backdrop!'

Braids swatted at the cloud buzzing around her head.

Katsuhito dropped back and landed Ryoko on her shoulders. The ring shook and Ryoko bounced.

Katsuhito slowly got to his feet. Ryoko was still on her back, breathing looking difficult for her. Wiping the blood out of his eyes, Katsuhito looked at the top of the ladder, then at Ryoko.

'No way!' Jose said 'If he's planning what I THINK he's planning, this will be the end of the match!'

'Wahoo!' Braids yelled as she ran back and forth across the table she and Jose were sitting at 'This is the best thing since the Pits!'

Katsuhito brushed his hair back and started to climb. He got a few steps, then looked at the ground and descended.

'Boo!' Braids yelled 'I didn't pay a dime to get there and I feel cheated!'

Touching the ground, Katsuhito ran over and picked up the sheet pan that he had pulled out from under the ring. Pan in hand, he began to climb again.

At one step from the top, Katsuhito raised both hands over his head in defiance. Holding the sheet pan with one hand, he held it so it was under his forearm, adding to the pain he would inflict. He climbed tot eh top of the ladder and stood.

'Not a step.' Jose reminded him.

Ryoko had managed to open her eyes. She saw that she was an open target, so she decided to change that. Just managing to roll over, she grabbed the discarded kendo stick. With a little more effort, she managed to make it to her knees.

Figuring it would be better to NOT be caught under a reinforced elbow drop, Ryoko lunged into the ladder. It shook, but did not fall.

The ladder under Katsuhito shook suddenly. Almost losing his balance, he righted himself and saw Ryoko standing up below him. It was now or never. She had her head wide open, and this would end it, if not her as well. Katsuhito raised the pan over his head and jumped.

Things were going just as Ryoko had intended. Katsuhito was falling. Pan over his head and chest wide open. Moving quickly, Ryoko stood and swung the stick. It connected with Katsuhito's ribs. He let go of the pan while still in fall and landed on the ground in a roll.

Ryoko staggered and fell over. Katsuhito rolled on the round in pain.

'Never in my life have I seen anything like this.' Jose said 'Katsuhito is unable to move, and Ryoko has fallen to fatigue!'

'The last thing I saw that was THIS entertaining,' Braids started 'Tsabo Tovac was doing a floor show at the Foxy Lady!'

'Ew.' Jose said, cringing.

Ryoko caught her breath and stood back up. She shook her head to clear it, and looked around. There was a trashcan against the ropes, and there was Katsuhito on the ground. A fairly good combination if ever Ryoko had seen one.

Ryoko took the ladder and shoved it over the top of the ropes. It clattered to the ground near Jose and Braids. Ryoko kicked the trashcan, sending it rolling on its side to the middle of the ring. Content, she went over to Katsuhito.

Taking him by his long hair, Ryoko pulled him over next to the can. Her intentions were bad.

Less than a few feet form the can, Ryoko's plan came to light. Grapple from behind and finish him off with a bridging German Suplex onto the can. It was a surefire plan. Unless-

Something went wrong. Katsuhito surprised everyone when he tried to get her into a scoop slam. Ryoko was over his head before she knew it.

'Unbelievable!' Braids yelled 'Katsuhito has gone on the defensive and has Ryoko set for a scoop slam!'

At the peak of the lift Ryoko was in, just before she was slammed on her head, she kicked her legs and shifted her weight. She slid behind Katsuhitos back, feet first, and held him in a reverse hold. A perfect setup for a German Suplex, but the can was in front of them.

Katsuhito threw a weak elbow behind him, aiming for any part of Ryoko. Ducking and returning to the hold, Ryoko used Katsuhito's momentum to allow him to spin, getting him into a strong front grapple. With the perfect setup, Ryoko took action.

Ryoko took the opening to drop down and grab Katsuhito behind the knees. She hauled, and Katsuhito fell onto his back. Ryoko bent over and forced his knees on her shoulders. Grabbing by the side of his pants, she hauled him up.

'I- don't believe it-' Jose said, as Ryoko, with much difficulty, lifted Katsuhito up in front of her.

With Katsuhito sitting on her shoulders in a reverse fashion, Ryoko took a step forward.

'Incredible!' Braids hollered. 'This could be It! What a display of power! What a show of-'

'Holy shit!' Jose yelled.

Ryoko spun in place once and stopped in front of the trashcan. With that, Ryoko threw Katsuhito down back first, on top of the can, bending forward with him.

CRUNCH! The can was obliterated. So was Katsuhito's game.

'Spiral Powerbomb!' Jose shouted 'Powerbomb onto the can! This is over!'

'Amazing!' Braids crowed 'Just amazing.'

Ryoko let go of Katsuhito's legs and looked around.

Katsuhito was in a bad way. He was on top of a demolished can, kicking slightly from time to time. As it seemed, he was out cold.

Ryoko took the chance. She hooked his leg, rolled across him, leg under arm, for the pin.

Jose dropped and began to count.

'One! Two! Three!' Jose pointed at Braids.

Braids picked up a stick and pounded on the gong that was behind her. We had a winner.

Jose stood up with Ryoko and raiser her arm over her head.

'Ladies and gentlemen!' Jose shouted 'The champion of MBYW!'

Maxwell Murder kicked up again and Ryoko made her way out back.

'And that ends today's challenges.' Jose said 'Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the last of the challenges and the day after that, the FINAL VOTE! Remember kids, don't try anything you have seen here at home, unless your parents wont find out. Tune in next time!'

End of Day 19


	12. Day 20

Tenchi Survivor

Day 20

Jose Philipe Mendola

Authors Rant: One more day. Man, is it going to be weird not working on this.

Legal Note: As to date, I still do not own either the survivor name or concept, or the characters of Tenchi Muyo. These both are copyrighted materials of their respected owners and affiliations.

Quick Notes: This chapter was, like many others, fueled, written and typed on Vodka, Red Bull, and a few No Doze pills…. A deadly combination, I'm sure. Remember, Jose does not condone those actions. On another note, this chapter was originally drafted two years ago, while I was in Europe for the summer. Since then, a few things have changed. Due to the heavy editing that it would require, many paragraphs and lines have NOT been changed, those that know of my previous heartache will pick up on this, but I shall press on, forget my troubles and still give away the pathetic secrets to my failed love life. Apologies in all respects, but not about the fact I say now what I do about you. Only small instances will be changed on the fly. Noreen, you stupid bitch, I still hate you. Enjoy!

And now, on with the show.

The road to recovery for Katsuhito was a long and hard one. Reconstructive surgery was needed on his back, rehabilitation for a busted leg, and stitches for a gash suffered on his forehead. Harder still was living with the revenge he wanted on the ever celebrating Ryoko. That was a deadly game on its own.

'Revenge?' Jose demanded 'Rehab? Stitches? What are you talking about? All he needed was a bandage on his head and he was all set!'

Look, I'm just trying to liven up the story here.

'Well knock it off. I'm trying to do a survivor parody here.'

Damn, sorry.

'Yesterday, things went well. The ring was torn up by a great match between Ryoko and Katsuhito. After Ryoko delivered a powerbomb onto a trashcan. More than that though, the events that led up to the match. First that morning, the survivors went down in a blaze of glory. Well, more or less, just a blaze. After leaving their fire unattended, the hut was engulfed in flames. First challenge in a survivors honor, saying good bye, as we all did when Sasami first left. After that, a showering game in memory of Ayeka. Unfortunately, that was rendered useless as neither of the survivors got the acid bath as planned. And finally, because of the quick thinking and the sorts of, a weapons match went down. We all know how that ended, so we'll just jump into today's challenge.'

Jose waved the cameraman after him.

'Come with me, we'll go and pay the survivors a visit.'

The survivors camp was far from bustling. Or a camp for that matter. Ryoko and Katsuhito were both under shrubs taking it easy.

Funny thing was, even after the match yesterday, neither of them had harsh feelings for the other. I'm not saying they were ready to marry each other, but they were on good terms.

Jose arrived in time to ruin their good moods.

'Ok gang,' Jose announced 'Time to start today's challenges.'

Katsuhito reluctantly got up, as did Ryoko who grumbles something in the process.

Coming out from under their plants, the survivors stepped into the 11AM sun. It was quite warm already.

'So what survivor are we honoring first?' Ryoko asked

'You both are indeed in luck.' Jose said happily 'First survivor honored today is Mihoshi.'

'Woo-hoo!' Katsuhito cheered.

'With only one catch,' Jose added 'It's not liquor of any type.'

'What?' Katsuhito demanded 'What kind of memorial game is this? What a load of bull sh-'

'What's the name of the game?' Ryoko asked, cutting Katsuhito off.

Jose smiled a shark smile.

'Taste and I.D.'

"Taste and I.D'?' Katsuhito repeated 'What the hell kind of a game is that?'

"It's real simple.' Jose said 'All you have to do is sit at that table taste every liquid we give you and identify it.'

Jose gestured behind him. The survivors looked.

Behind Jose, a long table was set up on the beach. On the table, two rows of cups lined each side. There must have been close to 300 individual liquids occupying opaque Styrofoam cups. This was going to be a bad day.

'So I take it that we are supposed to start on this end?' Ryoko asked.

'Either end.' Jose started 'Either way, you both start at the same end at the same time.'

'I'm afraid of getting killed.' Katsuhito said flatly.

'Now hold on a minute,' Jose said 'You have my WORD that nothing in ANY of these cups can kill you.'

'Jose's word,' Ryoko started 'That's a laugh.'

'If there is anything hazardous in any of those cups, I hope to be struck dead by lightning.'

Jose cringed and looked up toward the sky. No storm clouds, no rogue lightning bolts, no ball lightning. Just clear blue sky.

'Whew.' Jose sighed 'ok survivors, line up!'

Katsuhito and Ryoko stood at one end of the table, ready to start when directed. Both survivors were sweating, and not because of the heat.

'Survivors,' Jose said 'you all know the saying, so let's go over it one more time!'

Ryoko and Katsuhito exchanged looks of confusion.

'Don't-Get-Eliminated!' Jose yelled solitarily.

'Isn't that the catch phrase for Most Extreme Elimination Challenge?' Ryoko asked.'

'Ha-ha-ha-ha! Shut your mouth.' Jose laughed in a horrible dub. 'Now let's get cracking!' Jose cheered, back to normal. 'Survivors, begin tasting!'

Both survivors picked up the first cup. Hesitantly, they both tasted the smallest amount.

'Not too bad.' Katsuhito said as he finished the mystery liquid 'I had almost expected to die on the spot.'

'Cherry Coke.' Ryoko said 'A nice way to start out I suppose.'

'I agree.' Katsuhito said 'Let's move on, shall we?'

Jose nodded and the survivors moved down a cup. Ryoko was a split second ahead of Katsuhito to taste the liquid.

As soon as she did, her eyes crossed. Katsuhito did the same, but a second after; he was hit by the spray of Ryoko blowing it out of her mouth. She fell over before Katsuhito could soak her in the same fashion.

Both of the survivors coughed and gagged in disgust.

Jose smiled in content.

'Sour milk.' Katsuhito proclaimed.

'Defiantly.' Ryoko gagged.

Jose chuckled evilly.

'Come on, let's get a move on. Only 298 more to go.' Jose encouraged.

The survivors staggered to their feet and moved on. They knew it was useless not too. They had signed onto the island, and they were playing for a million and a trip for two to anywhere in the world.

Ryoko and Katsuhito both took the next mystery drink with caution.

That was pointless, as it turned out to be flat tonic water.

'Something to wash the milk taste out.' Jose reasoned over complaints.

Katsuhito scraped at his tongue with his fingernails as Ryoko spat up a storm.

This continued normally for the next 76 cups. One or two were good, and then something like vinegar or Taunton water would be thrown into the mix.

At one point, around cup 142, both Ryoko and Katsuhito picked out one substance before it came anywhere near their faces.

'JOSE!' Ryoko screamed.

'Man that is SICK.' Katsuhito scolded.

Jose only laughed because he was found out.

'In all of my life, I have never seen anything so disgusting.' Ryoko shouted. 'And to think you planned this!'

'That IS going too far.' The cameraman threw in 'Even for you Jose.'

'Pass.' Katsuhito said as he threw it behind him. Ryoko did the same.

As the survivors neared unknown liquid number 272, things had gotten slowly worse.

From dishwashing liquid to fish oil, yak blood to Crystal Pepsi; it was just a rough time to work off of.

At one point, Katsuhito was ready to throw in the towel. This was after a taste of onion extract. And he though the hot sauce was spicy. As for Ryoko, well, Ryoko had passed out for 10 minutes.

But let's forget about the survivors for a few minutes and dive into Jose and his mind.

Ever since he had been granted the money and time to run this show, a lot of things had been running around in Jose's mind. Not only what kind of evil to unleash upon the survivors, but more of a different matter.

Sure, torturing the survivors was a top priority, but it was not the only thing that kept Jose up at night. And neither was the thought of Mihoshi. All the time anyway.

No, what was on Jose's mind since day one was the last day on the island. It's not that he hated it here, Jose loved it. The clean air, the cool breezes at night, hot days, and the fact he was away from the family.

Jose spent a lot of time dwelling. Different things really, like what kind of alcohol went best with dinner, Jose's much better half (It HAD been a while since he had seen his favorite Bostonian Masochist), the price of tea in china, but most of all, the farewell song.

Every reality show had a good ending theme. It was a known fact. Jose had been feverishly searching for a song in hopes that one would stick out well. He was not about to be outdone by the new popular show 'I want to be a Zoo Wrangler'. 'Jungle Boogie' was their end theme, and 'Jungle Boogie' kicked ass.

Katsuhito's groan of displeasure interrupted Jose's train of thought.

'Tobacco juice.' Katsuhito gagged.

'I REALLY hate this game.' Ryoko added between retches.

Life was good. So was torturing the survivors.

'Motor Oil,' Ryoko mumbled 'defiantly motor oil.'

'USED motor oil.' Katsuhito corrected.

By this time, the survivors were so whacked on different liquids; they did not notice they had reached the end of all the cups. A profane number of mystery liquids later, both survivors were bleary eyed and pale. A perfect outcome for a pointless challenge.

'Well survivors,' Jose started 'Luckily this had nothing to do with any form of banishment. If it had been based on banishment, the game would have ended here, the million back to the network and I would have a nice trip to myself and anyone of choice.'

'What did we do that would have gotten us kicked off?' Ryoko asked in a zombie like tone.

'It's what you didn't do.' Jose answered.

'Huh?' Katsuhito grunted as he looked around 'Who said that?'

'The problem was,' Jose began 'that you only TASTED the liquids that were put in front of you. The projected plan was for you both to DRINK them.'

'The flesh of fallen angels!' Ryoko yelled as she stared at the sun.

'And the killer was smiling.' Katsuhito claimed.

'The crew will get this cleaned up, so let's get moving. AS soon as Ryoko is over her seizure, we'll set up for the last challenge.'

'What's the last challenge?' Katsuhito asked.

Jose pulled a short green tube out of his pocket and pulled off the black stopper. Holding the tube upright, a cigar slid out and into Jose's hand. Jose bit off the tip and spat the wad into the sand. Pulling a familiar Zippo out of his pocket, Jose lit and brought it to the tip of the unlit cigar. Taking a few puffs, the tip glowed orange.

Jose exhaled and a fine smell rolled out in clouds. Jose belched.

'Follow me.' Jose said.

Walking down the path behind him, Ryoko and Katsuhito followed in a trail of tobacco smoke that did not smell too bad. It was a dark, rich smell that reminded Katsuhito of his shrine for some reason.

Ryoko walked a foot off the path and hurled. One of the many things she had sampled a short time ago had turned her stomach upside down. Whatever the main cause, it was real bad.

Ryoko spat and walked back onto the path.

It was different. Normally the smell of a cheap cigar made Ryoko sick. But whatever Jose was burning smelt pretty good. It both cleared her mind and relieved her slightly. It reminded her of something, the smell, not Jose smoking, but she could not place the memory.

The survivors had been following Jose for a short time before he was stopped on the path by one of his 'henchmen' and handed a stack of papers.

Ryoko and Katsuhito moved in behind Jose to peek at what he was reading over.

It was a spec sheet that had a few different types of information on it. One was what looked like a weather report, one was a picture of a mountain and some kind of shadow-shrouded figure in both of the pictures, one graph that looked like a brain wave pattern and one was a compiled of a traced line, a map and coordinates. Below all of them, at least two paragraphs summing up what Jose was looking at.

Jose made a pained expression and wadded the papers into a ball.

'What's going on Jose?' Katsuhito asked.

Jose took the cigar out of his mouth and hurled it at his feet.

Ryoko saw the cigar fall in slow motion. It fell in a half turn and impacted into the sand. A small cloud of dust rose. From within the small crater it made, the cigar smoldered. Ryoko stared as the smoke rose off it and coiled into the air.

'Follow this path down to the next beach. I'll meet you there and I'll explain what the next challenge will be.' Jose said quietly.

'Why do I get the feeling that this on might be made on the fly?' Katsuhito asked himself.

Jose eyed Ryoko who was staring at the downed cigar. Not wanting her to lose interest in the matter at hand, Jose brought his foot down on it and ground the cigar into the sand.

'Now get moving.' Jose said.

When Katsuhito and Ryoko arrived at the beach, Jose was already there like he had promised. With him, he had set up a screen, projector and two chairs. If that was not enough, Jose was wearing a white jumpsuit and a yellow hardhat with a black cross on the front.

'Looks like he's dressed for a disaster.' Ryoko observed.

'I am.' Jose replied. And unless we get this challenge done, we'll all be in trouble.'

'So this is it?' Katsuhito asked 'The last challenge?'

'Yes it is.' Jose replied. 'This is the race.'

'Against what?' Ryoko asked.

'Certain doom.' Jose replied cryptically.

'What are you talking about?' Katsuhito asked, sounding a little worried.

Jose motioned toward the seats. Both Ryoko and Katsuhito took one. The lights dimmed (?) and the projector turned on.

The first slide was of a portion of the globe. The island they were currently on was of a small crop of islands off a coast. A red line ran between and across both.

'Our satellites are currently tracking an- abnormality- if you will, that has already moved across a few other islands. If the projected path is correct, we could be in trouble by nightfall.'

'So what is it we are worried about?' Ryoko asked.

'To understand that, you are going to have to understand what it's not, and how to tell if it is close by.'

The slide changed to a few smaller pictures. The first was of a black boiling cloud head.

'Like anything universally evil,' Jose began 'This evil is followed by a cloud.'

Jose extended his collapsible pointer and tapped a picture of dark hooded figures.

'These are its minions. Traveling before it, they are to weaken any defenses someone might have. They are pretty much useless, but I'd stay out of their way.'

'Sounds like a decent job.' Katsuhito voiced.

'Sure.' Jose said 'If you don't mind having your brain removed and replaced with Zorgon's ever whim.'

Katsuhito blinked a few times.

'This is indeed true.'

'So what else is a problem around here?' Ryoko asked cynically.

'The second problem is its counterpart.' Jose answered.

'Is it Hitler?' Katsuhito asked.

'Just as bad.' Jose answered.

'Who is it?' Ryoko asked.

'A creature so foul that I dare not speak her name, normally.'

Ryoko and Katsuhito leaned in a bit closer.

A demon so foul that the name burns flesh off bones, causes the sun to black out and rivers to boil.'

Someone gasped.

'Noreen.' Jose said.

A shudder moved through each survivor. They, as well as the rest of the crew, Pokezack (check his fics!), and the rest of the world. The evil that was Noreen.

A horrible woman that made living and working for Squanto District a nightmare. Too freaking happy during the day, a veritable plague at night. And the weekends.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' Jose began 'The only recall challenge left is a race, and this is a race against time. In the sort time we have left before this storm of wickedness hits, we need shelters up, weapons in place, rations secured, medical aid on standby, AA guns armed and read to go, escape routes and a general plan. Though I would normally have the both of you do it, I fear for my own life now." Jose mopped sweat off of is head. 'Forces, crew members that is, are already setting up. I suggest you both go help them. Now move.'

Jose watched the survivors scurry off and looked around. Not really caring if anyone saw, Jose dug into his pocket and pulled out his leather wallet. In a move never seen done by Jose before, he pulled out a picture.

It was a picture of a very attractive Chinese-American girl. Leaning against a light post, she was clad in blue jeans and a black Sweatshirt that claimed 'I bite'. Her dark hair created a very defined line against her light skin. Not surprisingly, she wore a smile that drove Jose nuts, a casual one.

It had been too long. Jose had been on this island and all over the world. He felt as if he had not seen her in forever.

'It'll be over soon.' Jose said as he slipped the picture into his wallet and back into his pocket. 'I'll be home soon.'

Ryoko set right out to aid in the creation of trenches. The idea was a standard WWI trench. 8 feet deep, supported by cut timber that ran from one key point to another. It was grueling work, but it had to be done. While in the process of widening and expanding trenches, Ryoko would drop crates of supplies and ammo at checkpoints in the trench.

Once one line was completed, she set off to lock down and conceal other sites of importance.

Katsuhito went to the direct aid of placing and supplying an anti aircraft battery.

Whoever had planned the placement of these four batteries had not taken the idea of concealment, accessibility or basic maintenance into consideration. The quad .50's were each in a corner of a squared field. None were in the cover of any trees or drop tarps. The terrain was unstable and not easy to navigate, no extra crates of ammo were stored and spotting them would be easy for any type of enemy.

'So if you are so smart,' a stagehand said to him 'you tell ME where to put them.'

Katsuhito was happy to oblige. Weapons were moved, spread out from one another, supplied, cleaned, manned and accounted for. Jose had hired a bunch of idiots.

Katsuhito made the mistake of looking in the direction of a large black cloud. It was now defiantly closer, and would be over his head soon. They all had to work faster.

Weapons in place, ammo at the ready and supplies stocked, Jose opened the door to his bunker and stepped out into the sun.

Inside the bunker, various computers and maps displayed information on the projected movement of the crisis.

Carrying a folder of papers, Jose made haste to follow up on the supervision of some of the less fortified areas. Things would have to be tightened up fast now. Already this cloud of impending doom had covered the top half of the island. Once another quarter was covered, Zorgon the Destructo-cor would, in theory, make his appearance on the island. Far from a good thing in any light.

One of Jose's projected plans was to move the island a bit to the right min order to just skirt Zorgons path.

Jose had the means to do this, but, like the Polish submarines with the screen doors, it was just not a good idea.

Or their idea for a solar powered flashlight. OR waterproof towels. Helicopter ejection seats. Dynamite candles, lava baths, Draino Lite-

Jose had better stop. He might have had a polish fan 5 seconds ago.

Jose hurried off to check the goings on of his cast and crew. Time was getting very short. Jose made tracks.

Zorgon the Destructo-cor had come. Both behind him and in front of him, storm heads raged. His first robotic foot to hit the island caused the entire landmass to shake. Even on the other side of the island, the ground under Jose jumped. The two survivors with him hit the ground hard.

'Perhaps this is a good time to explain what the hell this Zorgon IS.' Katsuhito offered.

'Mecca.' Jose said in a hurry. 'Basically, a recalibrated Gundam worker bot.'

'Oh.' Ryoko said with a shrug.

Through the sheltered areas half buried and covered with netting and tree stumps, Jose had a sinking suspicion. That being that this thing called a shelter was not safe.

Jose could feel the monstrous beast walking around his island. As long as it kept its distance, nothing too bad would come of it.

Jose reached for a radio while the Survivors reached for viewing monitors. All across the North end of the island, monitors showed a monstrous behemoth stalking the land.

'Outpost one and two,' Jose said into the radio 'Do you read me?'

'Loud and clear.' The RTO said back 'What are your orders?'

'Left ridge, fire onto target, right ridge, do not fire until told to do so.'

Over the radio, the sound of an AA gun locked into place. Jose slid over to a set of monitors.

Zorgon was coming up on the first traps of a lot that were set up. Zorgon began to walk between two plateaus. Jose zoomed in on the AA batteries that were stationed on the flats, masked by trees and drop tarps.

'Left ridge,' Jose said into the radio 'fire.'

The tarp was pulled back; a pair of quad .50's now visible on monitor. The operator cocked each of the four guns and let loose on Zorgon. The other AA gun was a size 20mm, normally used to take down bombers. It too loaded and began to fire as fast as it could.

Zorgon slowly turned to see where the offending weaponry was coming from. His back now to the right plateau, Jose called on that battery to begin its firing.

'Right ridge, drop and fire!'

Two more tarps were pulled away. Under them, missile batteries of 20 lance rockets apiece. One by one, the top of the tube casing popped off and a rocket shot out.

Even as the first two impacted onto Zorgons back, Jose turned to Katsuhito.

'Where are the other light AA guns?'

'Just watch.' He said as he pointed at the screen.

From higher up on the ridge tot eh left and right, two more AA guns targeted and fired on Zorgons head.

Two more rockets impacted on, making an even 18 hits, 9 hits from each 20 armed launcher.

Zorgon turned and caught a rocket in the chest, just stepping out of the path of a second.

Zorgon raised a hand to both missile sites, and Jose saw the crews of the portable sites scamper out of the area.

Multiple heavy weapons erupted from Zorgons hands, chewing up the ground around each site.

'Oh shit.' Jose announced.

The resulting explosion almost obliterated the plateau. 22 remaining rockets blowing up in the same place tends to do that.

The AA guns had silenced to reload. Zorgon though nothing of them. Damaged but still moving, Zorgon plodded on.

The 20mm answered again.

This time, Zorgon pointed at it. The barrel turned red hot and melted.

Letting the harmless AA gun chatter on, Zorgon walked on.

'Now I'm sure you had that planned.' Jose said to Katsuhito.

'Only the part to slow him down. This next part should do some damage.'

Jose flipped the screen over to see another portion of the island. Power lines Jose had never seen before stretched over the jungle.

This time, Ryoko stood up.

'As a tactical advantage, I came to believe that if power lines were out here, eventually Zorgon would come across them. In a move that would aid him in his advance, he would attempt to sever them, hoping to cut off all power. No blades on his body, and a metal alloy making up his structure, one that picks up electricity very easily, he's not about to walk through them. He's going to tear them up.

Jose watched as Zorgon extended his arm below the lines and began to raise them up. They were coming up in his bent elbow.

Ryoko began her explanation more quickly.

'Each line has 20 pounds of C4 every 5 feet on it. And those balls that are normally used to cut down on movement in the wind are 50 pounds of TNT a piece.'

Jose nodded his approval.

'Now push that button when you are ready.'

Jose pushed a flashing red button.

The screen erupted in a flash of white light. Outside, a massive explosion was heard.

Seemingly unphased, Jose stared at the screen.

A white smoke filled the valley where Zorgon had just been engaged. A soft wind was carrying the smoke with it.

Jose exhaled his held breath at what he saw.

Zorgon, scorched form the rockets, now stared stupidly at his severed arm. The blast had severed his right arm at the elbow, sending it somewhere if not in a million pieces.

Conduits and other such machinery and the end of his now shorter arm sparked and flared up. A few dozen less weapons, Zorgons internal mechanisms put out the flames.

The screens around the bunker dimmed and flashed in and out. Red lights flashed in time with a warning bell.

'Captain!' Katsuhito said with a Scottish accent 'We are being hailed by an outside source!'

'On screen!' Jose said.

Katsuhito punched a few buttons and the screens flared back up.

ON screen, a short haired woman was seen. She was blond and had topaz colored eyes. Her mouth was twisted into a crooked smile.

Brushing her short hair back, Jose shuddered as she began to speak.

'Jose,' she said cheerily 'Long time no see.'

'What do you want from me, you twisted creature?' Jose asked.

'What I deserve.' She said coolly 'Attention undivided.'

'I can see why you don't like her.' Ryoko said.

'Ever since your pitiful show started, you have had the attention of this bunch of morons. You were quite the foe years ago, but now you are without your counterpart. Sean has been disposed of for the time being.'

'You monster,' Jose hissed 'what did you do to him?'

'I've averted his attention with a faulty Magic tournament. Now in the middle of Toledo, he has no way of helping you this time.'

The screens flipped back to a picture of a one armed Zorgon beginning to walk again.

Ryoko reached forward and pressed an orange button.

Taking another step, Zorgon fell forward and fell on its front.

Jose looked to Ryoko.

'Trip-line.' She said. She tapped a few buttons and the camera zoomed in on a tight line of thick wire.

(At this point, your author has spiked the notebook he was working out of and danced around the room, to a confused look of a fellow Air Force employee. Half a notebook to go!)

'I'm not about to let her take your place.' Ryoko said 'She seems like a worse person than you.'

'Same here!' Katsuhito said as he strapped on a Kevlar helmet 'No way are you leaving yet. We are here to fight and finish!'

'Thank you.' Jose said as he hugged each of the remaining survivors 'Thanks guys.'

The landing was a hard one. Noreen had slammed her head into Zorgons main control panel.

Blood ran down her face and created a sticky pool on the status screen.

'Get up.' She said.

Some lights flickered and the Gundam began to rise. Slowly, due to its lack of an arm, it finally made it to its feet.

'Go.' She said 'Kill Jose.'

'You know I can't do that Dave.' Zorgon replied in a monotone voice.

'Why not!' Noreen demanded.

'We are currently being hailed by our Lord and Master.' The giant killer robot continued. 'Shall I put him through?'

Noreen sighed and nodded her head.

On a screen to Noreen's right, the face of a man appeared. He had a rough looking beard and moustache that connected in a thin line at the corner of his mouth. HE had thin hair that was, like his beard thing, turning gray.

'Report.' He commanded in an oddly high voice.

'We are in pursuit of Jose right now. Soon, I will have control over his game.'

'You mean WE will have control of his game.'

'Of course, Lord Gary.' Noreen said painfully 'WE will have control of his game.'

'And if you fail,' Gary went on 'Do not bother coming back, less I make sure you suffer through the rest of eternity.'

'I will not fail you my Lord.' She said, ignoring a flashing red light 'Jose WILL fall to me.'

'He had better.' Gary finished, punctuating it with an explosion as he signed out.

Wait, Gary didn't do that.

Zorgon rocked back, almost falling over again. All around the cabin, red lights flashed damage assessments and warnings.

'Second incoming RPG,' Zorgon warned. 'Buckle up, Dave.'

Before Noreen could react, a second RPG slammed into the view port of Zorgon.

Shaking the confusion out of her head, she did a thermal scan for the offender.

She saw Jose and someone else take off into the jungle.

Her eyes blazed with hatred.

'Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!' Jose yelled as Zorgon pounded after him.

Both he and Katsuhito had scored direct hits with a shoulder fired RPG. Having dropped the launcher, they made tracks for two more.

'What now?' Katsuhito yelled after Jose as he jumped over a log.

'Split up and head for the weapons cache! I'll be along in a second!'

Splitting up, Jose looked behind him.

Zorgon turned to follow Jose. The one armed behemoth tromped after him.

'Better me than the survivors.' Jose though.

After 5 minutes of being chased, and a ton of close calls, Jose had come very close to a second RPG. All he needed now was a shot and some space.

A pink ball of energy impacted on Zorgons shoulder, Followed by a flurry of 8 more. Once Zorgons attention was off Jose, another RPG hit direct in the cabin, blasting off a quarter of it.

Enraged, Zorgon and Noreen charged.

Katsuhito was in trouble, and Jose knew it. He was only equipped with one RPG. And nothing Ryoko was doing was affecting the Gundam and its evil pilot too much.

Something inside Jose snapped. Some anger deep inside his brain let go. Maybe it was the though he could loose his show to a greater evil. Maybe it was the face he would probably never get laid by any of the sailor scouts he so wanted. Whatever it was, it broke something in his mind.

Picking up his hidden rocket, Jose took a knee and aimed at the back of Zorgons head. Behind a quarter inch of steel, Noreen sat. If this was to do anything-

Jose loosed the rocket at the marauding giant.

He tossed the launcher away and watched eagerly s the rocket sailed toward its target.

It impacted and Zorgon shudder to a halt.

Gears locked up and conduits flared. Steam poured from its shoulders. Jose stood amid the silence.

Zorgon exploded into action. Arm shooting out, He and Noreen snatched Ryoko out of the sky. Following Katsuhito with his foot, Noreen attempted to stomp him into oblivion.

'NO-O-O-O!' Jose yelled as h pulled a hidden M60 out from under a fake shrub. 'Take THIS, you murdering bastard!'

Jose shouldered the weapon, pulled back the charging handle and let loose.

Armor piercing rounds pounded into the back of Zorgon. Scoring hits along the shoulder and head, Jose pushed on the ammo and emptied the small assault pack.

The gun smoked off and Jose looked over the barrel.

Zorgon released his grip on Ryoko and she fell from the sky and through the treetops. Zorgons feet also stopped pounding after Katsuhito. He took off to recover Ryoko.

Jose dropped the machine gun and stood up. His knees cracked as he did so. Shielding his eyes against the sun, Jose looked up at Zorgon.

The machinery clanked and steamed. A sick black liquid poured out of the joints. A grinding of gears was heard, followed by a pop of rivets.

Jose exhaled and dropped his shoulders. He was so tired. Jose wanted to go home. Go home and see his Miko. And have a pizza. Mmm. Pizza.

Jose closed his eyes and pictured home and what awaited him. It felt like Jose was being lifted toward heaven.

Ouch. That kind of hurts god.

Jose opened his eyes. He certainly was being lifted up, but not by God.

Well, quite possibly a god to someone, but this creature was the veritable Scion of Darkness.

Jose was lifted up to the creatures face. Well, its control panel anyway, and Jose came face to face with his arch enemy. One of them anyway. Well, the other was a serious threat in Jose's absence from home, but both were strong rivals.

Noreen was battered and bloodied. One eye was black and swelled over. A large gash on her forehead masked half of her face in a crimson mask.

'I don't know how you did it,' Noreen started 'but this is going to cost you.'

Jose could feel Zorgons grip tightening. Things started to get dark and fuzzy.

'Any last words?' Noreen asked.

'Just a few.' Jose managed 'the love I had waiting for me at home, though completely physical, was worth it, and will never die.'

'Boring.' Noreen said with a sigh.

'And whatever happens here, she'll know it was the best sex of my life.'

Zorgon tightened his grip. Jose's vision went red.

'Say goodbye, Jose.' Noreen answered.

Zorgons grip tightened a little. Jose could barely breathe again. Much better.

'What's so funny?' Noreen asked.

Jose lifted a weak arm and pointed behind her.

Noreen turned a bullet-riddled hull around. Sounds from the shell of Zorgon protested, but Noreen pushed anyway.

Zorgon made a 180 degree turn.

Fire erupted from his abdomen. Metal plates separated from one another. Wires and circuits fried. The monstrous engine shook violently and locked up. Rivets shot out like bullets, gears fell apart and the upper body shifted.

Jose was a good 70 feet above the treetops when Zorgon let him go. It might have been better if Jose was unconscious or dead when he was falling, but Jose had been spared. At the hands of Zorgon anyway. That was fortunate.

'Danger Will Robinson!' Zorgon squealed as his top half began to fall to earth next to Jose 'DANGER!'

Jose crashed through the treetops, breaking branches on the way down. Vines, twigs and leaves lashed at Jose as he fell. He caught a tree limb to the gut as he fell. Wind knocked out of him, Jose blacked out when he hit the ground.

Noreen crawled out of the wreckage and struggled out of the mass of wires that was once Zorgon. Kicking loose, she saw that Jose was lying not too far from her.

Standing on shaky legs, she spat at Jose. It landed messily on the back of his shirt.

'Your show is MINE!' she yelled. 'You're dead, your survivors are alive enough to continue, and you have no power from here!'

Jose breathed a little, marking that he was still a little alive. 'Oh no,' Noreen said to herself. 'Not this time.' She reached to the small of her back and brandished a .9mm at Jose's body. She laughed insanely as she talked. 'Not again. Sean's not here to save you THIS time! No, not again. Not this time.'

Noreen slid back the bolt, bringing a round into the chamber. If Jose was conscious, he would have been able to identify that the pistol housed 12 hollow tip rounds. Jose had no idea. He was out.

'Nice to know you, Jose. Say hello to God for me.'

The gun fired, a chest cavity exploded. Steel dug through spine, lung and into a ribcage and exited flesh. Blood decorated the nearby area. Lifeblood created a pool. A spent shell lie smoking in the sand.

Noreen fell to the ground. Impaled with a spear that went right through her.

'Not this time.' She repeated before she passed.

Jose lifted his head the slightest. It felt like it weighed a million tons. Jose let his head thump back into the sand. The last thing he though he saw was a Metalgarugumon standing a few yards behind where Noreen lay dead. He might have been holding three more spears.

'Did he make it?' A voice asked. It seemed like it was a million miles away. 'It looks like he's breathing.'

'Don't touch him.' Another voice said 'Ham Bandit said to let the spell take affect.'

Jose saw a white light. He was also standing. Jose hid his shame. He was standing naked. He looked around. The white space had no defined depth or width. Jose was not even sure he was on the ground.

Looking down, Jose saw that there was a marking on his chest. It looked like a few scribbled lines, but they had a purpose, he supposed.

A shadow came toward Jose. A shadow darker than anything imaginable cast by nothing in a world of light. The shadow wore a long cloak and carried a large, wicked blade. It was death.

Death had come for Jose.

Jose recited a bible verse. Death did not feign.

Death neared and raised his weapon. Soul Reaper.

Death swung at Jose and connected with nothing.

It was as if a bar caught his bade and held it there.

The shadow looked at Jose's chest and sheathed the weapon. Reaching further into its infinite void of cloak, death pulled out a large sand timer and flipped it over from empty to full. The sand began to fall slowly. That done, death receded and disappeared into the white of the world.

Jose sat straight up and coughed a mouthful of blood.

Ryoko shrieked and jumped back. Katsuhito did the same.

Jose reached up to his forehead and pulled off a long, thin piece of paper.

Ignoring the blood on his chin, chest and legs, Jose looked it over slowly.

It was a simple character. A few scribbles and a dot here and there. At the bottom, it was signed.

'Mullet.' Jose said groggily 'Mullet.' He repeated.

Jose was helped to his feet by the survivors he had kind of died to protect. Making sure he was ok to stand, the survivors released him.

Jose thanked the survivors for taking part in today's game and thanked them also for helping him. It was real fast and easy. Pretty much good luck tomorrow, sleep well and be ready to play.

Jose was about to leave when Katsuhito stopped him.

Jose turned and looked at him. Nothing was said, but both Survivor and host extended right hands and shook on a good day.

After nodding his thanks, Katsuhito turned and left.

Jose turned and came face to bloodied face with Ryoko. She was holding an envelope.

'He said to give this to you.' She said quietly 'that you would understand it.'

Jose took the letter and slipped it into his pocket.

'I wanted to give you this, and hope you would understand it.' Ryoko continued.

Surprising Jose, and probably herself, Ryoko stepped toward Jose and kissed him lightly on the bruised cheek.

Jose winced.

Ryoko smiled and headed after Katsuhito.

'She wants you.' The cameraman said.

Jose sidestepped and swung at him, connecting with his arm.

Jose walked down the path toward his hut, past the mountains where Zorgons severed arm now stand. Stuck fist up out of the mountain, it steamed off for the rest of the evening, all night and into eternity (a la FLCL).

A letter sat opened on Jose's table.

Quietly, Jose slept peacefully on his bed.

The letter read:

'Jose,

Almost fell for it, but left after I found out it was no one but a boatload of sugar-hyped campers. Did all I could, brought my spear heaving friend. And a Death Ward. Damn good thing I did. Watch your back, only because I'm not going to be able to all the time. Ah, and guess that SCUD missile did the trick right well. No more Zorgon I guess. Stay sharp and I'll catch the end of Survivor tomorrow. Best of luck to you.

Kitchen staff of 02' rules!

D&D when I get back.

-Mullet'

End of day 20

I can see where doing an entire ending on an inside joke might not work too well, but it was fun none the less.

Many thanks to Miko, Sean, Gary, but not Noreen. Burn bitch.


	13. Chapter 21

Tenchi Survivor

Day 21

Final Day

Jose Philipe Mendola

Authors Rant: Here we go, bout time, yes? After 4+ years of production, this is it. The last day of Tenchi Survivor. If any of you still care, you will find out who wins the game, and who will go home with nothing but nightmares. Please, if you are still reading this after so many years, for the love of god, enjoy it. And don't forget to read your bonus material. 50 pages of Survivor goodness. I LOVE it.

Legal note: And after this, I still hold no rights to anything I have created, drafted and posted. Is anyone even worried about this? Did I mention the rating? Upped for language, situations and obscene jokes.

Certain Scenes Defined: So I know I'm going to get this unless I explain it right here, so listen up. I'll delete any e-mail I get that question this segment of this chapter. The dream Jose suffers from in this chapter was a real one I had while drafting this out almost 3 years ago. This was a reoccurring dream that I had while in Europe with the family and an ex. I'm sure I could take a guess as to why I was having this dream at the time, as I was dating someone else while out of country, and the only I could cope with it was to have what did talk to me while asleep. I'm a very messed up kid, I know, but for your entertainment, the dream has now been published, word for reoccurring word, here in the text that follows. While the subject person has changed for one reason or another, said individual has been replaced by the current times appropriate. That said, any further questions should be sent to me via e-mail. And for the love of god, do NOT attempt at the number that is given in this fic. Though another footnote occurs near it, I would be very badly embarrassed if you DID call and DID get a hold of me.

Miko, did I thank you for the mind blowing sex? Thanks again. Best experience of my life.

Warning: At the end of this chapter, BLATANT fan service. This, however, is not the correct term to be used for that particular paragraph or two, as I hate the show I have used more than anything else on this planet and that is saying a lot. Please, do NOT expect any more shit like that coming from me. You will be sadly disappointed.

Mentioning that which I should not: More than likely, 100 of you should completely disregard this, as it does not concern you. I, however, am pissed, alone, and this is how I've chosen to cope:

So this is how I'm going to have to tell you. You knew this was going to happen. I'm not one to say 'I told you so", but I did. Honestly, what guy admits to a woman that his LAST relationship failed because he could not commit to ONE BED? You saw evidence of this yourself last July. However, I don't see why you would be concerned with giving up an 8.5 rock on a 24K band. Who cares anyway? Not like your dating or anything. He's a 'room mate', right? Wonderful choice you made. Hope you can live with it. But whatever, don't believe me, I've only gotten it from three sources. The girl he was SLEEPING with and two other CE guys. As I have been told, there's quite the bit of disrespect for you when you are topic of the week and not his current 'conquest'. But like I said, who cares? 'Room mate.' Best of luck with that. I'd rather return to Utah single and to no one than to someone that slept around on me the first chance they got. And the best part is, you STILL have yet to do ANYTHING serious about him sleeping around. You are a JOKE.

And now, on with the show.

After all they had been through, all the pain, the excitement and everything else, this was it. The Last Day.

The Survivors themselves looked worn out and beaten, like they had trekked across the continent of Europe for 10 days, only finding time for two showers. Dirt was stuck and stained to their necks. If one was to drag a finger over it, little rolls of dirt, moisture and god know what else would be left in the wake. Any exposed joints, elbows, knees and between every part of hand were black. A black stain that was lifted with water, but came from everything. Hair felt gritty and greasy, feet were blistered and exposed skin red and burnt from the sun. Though still in the early hours of the morning and in these conditions, Ryoko and Katsuhito were waiting up excitedly for Jose to show up.

Between people trying to kill him, abusive survivors lack of familiar people, lack of SEX, and all the hours coming up with ways to torture the survivors, Jose slept an easy night. Some superficial bruises and cuts showed form his tangle with a greater evil, but no permanent damage was done. Jose, having stayed in a cabin, showered every morning and every night. His hair had a natural brown/ blond shine, neck smelled of Polo, clothes clean and some pressed and skin tan with the exception of a watch line that was on his left wrist.

The clock showed 7:56, but Jose had been asleep for only two hours. Up all night looking, selecting and eliminating song candidates, he had finally settled on a favorite. In addition, letters were sent to other 'groups', asking their permission to be kidnapped and forced onto the island. But we'll get to that later.

7:58. somewhere in the cabin, an automatic coffee pot turned on and began its daily routine. 12 cups of coffee, extra strong. If Mr. Coffee could think with a free mind, he would know that Jose would be in to get his Coffee in exactly 17 minutes. Water boiled and mixed with grounds. An aroma drifted out.

8:00. Jose's alarm went off, and was obliterated like its 20 brothers. Jose put the black jack back under the bed and jumped up. Grabbing clothes that had been laid out the night before, for this special occasion, Jose headed off to the shower, designated to 15 minutes.

Jose walked out of the bathroom and down the hall to the kitchen. Once there, Jose took a mug, decorated with the 2nd armored division emblem and 'Hell on Wheels' under it picked up a radio and called for his stagehands.

Katsuhito must have fallen asleep at some point. He rolled over and awoke looking out over the beach. It was another nice day. Light clouds drifted slowly over an orange morning sky, waves crashed on rocks and shore. Birds would occasionally dart in and out of his field of vision. Things had not been so bad since Jose torched the shelters. This morning, like many others, he was wet with dew.

Katsuhito looked to his other side and saw Ryoko.

She stood facing the jungle, a new path cut through it. The treetops were lined with blinders, making it dark as night went along the path. Only torches lit the way.

'What the hell is this?' Katsuhito asked as he stood up.

'I don't know.' Ryoko said as she continued to stare down the path. 'It was here when I woke up.'

Katsuhito walked up next to her.

'Well, I have an idea as to what to do,' Katsuhito said as if he was not really sure.

'I think I do too.' Ryoko said. 'Let's go.

The survivors walked down the torch lit path. As soon as they passed into the jungle, it felt colder and damper.

'I don't get it.' Katsuhito said after about 40 feet of path, torches and not much else 'I don't hear any wildlife, animals or hosts.'

'Look.' Ryoko said as she pointed off the path.

4 torches surrounded a bright yellow dinghy. That's all that there was. Walking on, they came to a section of Jose's old cabin wall.

'I get it now.' Katsuhito said 'It's a type of memorial. There's the first two challenge tests.'

A few more feet down the path, candles replaced torches. With them, a sign.

"Silence until instructed otherwise, please" Katsuhito read.

'We're supposed to take the candles with us.' Ryoko pointed out 'There are no more torches up the path.'

Taking a candle each, the survivors walked down an otherwise dark path.

Some distance down the road, a tree stump was loaded with lit candles. They illuminated a picture of the first survivor eliminated, Sasami.

The survivors looked for a minute, and then moved on. Just beyond the picture, a red string was stretched across the path.

A sign read:

'This red string represents the lifeline that the banished survivor had while on the island. Burn through this lifeline like you did when the survivor was here and move on. Conversation may resume afterwards.'

Ryoko leaned forward and burnt through the yarn. It burnt up and the path opened. One way or another, torches along the path flared to life. The survivors put the candles in the sand and continued on.

Part of challenge by part of challenge, they moved through the memorials and pictures of the banished survivors. In the order they were eliminated. Ryoko burned through every piece of yarn along the way.

Katsuhito thought at one point that she might have enjoyed 'eliminating' the survivors, but at one certain point, that changed.

Opening up the path again to candles, Ryoko was held up at one picture. Any other she had come across, she did not care too much about any of them. But there was one line that she could not bring herself to burn. It was hard enough to play without him, and it was even harder to see him go. It was worse to see him with Ayeka.

'I can't do it.' She said quietly to the red string. 'I can't burn this one.' She looked at her candle and back at the string. 'If I burn THIS, it means that I'll have to forget about him and live my life without thinking of him or seeing him.'

Katsuhito stood in deep though before he spoke.

'This is your choice here. You can let ME burn that, and continue on with your life, chasing something that you can never have, or you can burn it YOURSELF, have your moment of self-pity and loss, only to live a free life from now on. I can only act on the choice you make now. I'm free to go either ay. Whatever choice you make here, I will not think any ill of you.'

Ryoko considered her options. Hurt now and live later, or chase after a dream and hurt until she stopped. See Tenchi and hurt, or forget about him and hurt?

It was hard. Hard to make a decision based on love. So many other people had it easier. People in love decided on what to have for dinner, what to name their kids, and what kind of rope to use in bed. Jose would have disagreed, as love was not what he had seen or been a part of. Love was an empty promise filled only by the illusion of being happy until it was a mutual decision of happiness. Love was not a choice whether to forget about each other or not. That was FAR from love. Ryoko WAS young (or looked it anyway), but she was SURE she knew what love was. Love was a powerful thing that could not die, but could it be forgotten? Both she and Jose prayed it could be.

Ryoko bit her lip and looked at the candle in her hand. The burning chunk of wax would decide how she would see who she wanted to be with. The hardest decision she would ever have to make.

Fire burned through dyed wool. Fibers gave way to flame and burnt away leaving behind carbon and smoke. The final fiber burnt away and both ends of the string hit the ground.

Ryoko dropped the candle and followed it down. She cried to herself over the knowledge that her and Tenchi were not meant to be together and never would be.

Jose flipped off the closed circuit television he was using to watch that one spot.

Flipping a tear out of his eye, Jose exited the AV trailer. He had seen all he wanted. It was as sad as he hoped it would be.

Ryoko had calmed down a short time later. Putting on a brave front, she stood up and dried her eyes with the back of her hand. She felt like she had just lost an important part of her life, but at the same time, she felt a lot better.

Even Katsuhito had to admit that it took a lot of Brass to do something like that.

The continued down the path, coming across the last f the banished survivors and the games before them. At one point, three was a ring post and wrestling rope. After that, opaque cups filled with liquid. Finally, pictures, maps and shells from the other day.

Continuing on, the survivors came to a final picture.

Like the rest of the picture frames, this was mounted on a tree and had candles in front of lit. UNLIKE the others, it was an empty frame that held a white background. On the white, printed in red letters was the word 'reserved'

The survivors looked on as the picture did not change or move. Both must have pictured the other there. It was the only way to win. In a sense, kill or be killed.

Someone up the path from the empty picture frame whistled. The survivors looked and they were beckoned to move on.

The survivors would have followed the stagehand directly, but he took off somewhere into the jungle. Now out one candle, the survivors moved on.

Another 150 feet later, a small circle of sunlight filtered through the canopy. In the circle of light, a small table stood with three chairs placed around it.

'I guess this is where we sit.' Ryoko offered.

'You have presumed right.' Jose said from the darkness of the jungle 'Take a seat and I'll be right with you.'

Ryoko and Katsuhito both sat at the table. The seats were made of hard polished mahogany. They had straight backs and no arms. Not very comfortable. The table was tall with a small flat surface. It looked like spackled ebony with carvings around the sides. 4 legs gave it a lot of support.

Jose stepped out of the shadows and into the light. He was now dressed as he normally was. Khaki shorts that ended below the knees, complete with cargo pockets. On him was a new shirt. It was a tan and had a collar to it. It buttoned halfway down from the neck and ended in stitching. Short sleeves and an emblem embroidered on the chest.

'Second armored division, Hell on Wheels.' Katsuhito read.

Standard Yankees hat and new white shoes.

'Are you two ready to start today and finally be done with this game?' Jose asked the survivors.

Both survivors confirmed that they were ready to end today, regardless of what it took.

'That's what I like to hear.' Jose said 'This here will be real easy. We're going to do something we have not done in a long time.'

'Have real food?' Katsuhito asked

'Get a can of Mountain Dew?' Ryoko asked.

'No and no.' Jose said 'we're going to do something fun. We're going to do a survivor interview.'

'Thank god.' Katsuhito sighed 'I almost though you had forgotten about us.'

'No, I hadn't forgotten about you. I was just waiting for the right time to start questioning again.'

'So is one of going to have to leave while the other is being questioned?' Ryoko asked.

'Nah.' Jose waved it off 'You'll both have to sit here and listen to the other. That way, we can compare ideas.'

'Whatever you say.' Katsuhito said.

'I like your attitude.' Jose said as he pointed at Katsuhito 'you first. Tell me, what was your first impression of the island?'

'Oh, let's see.' Katsuhito began 'It all began with a letter in the mail asking if I wanted to be part of a game show. At the bottom of the letter was a phone number. It sounded like a good deal, so I called. Next thing I know, someone crashed through a window and takes me away.'

'Let's jump to the impression you got of the game when you got here.' Jose said.

'Well that's easy. My first impression was this was going to be one hell of a hard game. Right off, the host went through our stuff and got rid of everything that was not desperately needed to live off of. That was easy compared to the tortures he'd put us through. Early calls, pointless games, and odd objectives. If not for the companionship, I think I would have gone insane.'

'That's the kind of thing I like to hear.' Jose said 'so if you when, what are you going to do?'

Well, first, I'm going to take that trip.'

'Well with whom?' Jose pressed.

'You know, I'm not sure yet. I have put NO thought into who I'd take.'

'A qualifying answer. Now, what do you think of your opponent?'

Katsuhito looked over at Ryoko who sat relaxed. She returned the look.

'She is defiantly worth the time and the game. She's a powerful woman who knows what she's doing. If I had to pick anyone, I would want to go against Ryoko. If it were anyone else, it would not have been the same.'

'Well put.' Jose said 'Ok, your turn.'

'Like Katsuhito, I too made a call and was then assaulted and dragged out here. It's bad enough you went through ALL my clothes and put us through everything you did, but the worst part is, after all this pain and displeasure I have been forced through, I really don't hate you as much as I should. In fact, I don't think I hate you at all.'

Jose nodded.

'And if I had a soul, I think I'd go easy on you.'

'First impression of the game was an easy one. I figured the most you could do to us was hold out poled over water and see who could last the longest while balancing. I never dreamed I would have to go up against a giant killer robot. But sure, first glance really fell short of what would be happening.'

'Interesting take.' Jose said 'I'd fall in love with me too.'

'But, I never said-'Ryoko protested.

'No need to explain.' Jose said as he rolled up his short sleeves to his shoulders. 'So if you win, where are you going to for a vacation?'

'Actually, I've always wanted to go to Rome. It's supposed to be real nice out there.'

'You know, I've never been there. I hear its rich in history or something. So who would you plan on taking with you?'

The question hit Ryoko as hard as Jose wanted to. All along, she had been playing to win so her and Tenchi could take a victory tour of Rome. But after today, did the game still have a point to itself? A tear formed behind her eye, threatening to come out.

Ryoko thought back to what she had done earlier and what it had meant. To forget the past was to live a new future. Jose would have been proud. The tear behind here eye receded back into place, not coming out.

'I don't know.' She said unwavering 'I'll have to think about it.' She smiled.

'Puis-je te raccompagner?' Jose asked without thinking. Shit. With any luck, neither Ryoko nor anyone watching spoke fluent French.

'What was the other question?' Ryoko asked, ignoring Jose.

'Err, what do you think of your opponent in this final stage?'

'I really could not ask for a better one. This guy may be old, but he can really put up a fight. I remember whacking him with a chair and him not falling. This guy is nuts. If I could find a guy my age like him, I'd be set for life.'

'Veux-tu m'epouser?' Jose chimed.

'If I was not going up against Katsuhito, I don't think I'd really want to compete.'

'Bonus Question!' Jose shouted 'What do you think of the people that are multi-lingual?'

Ryoko blinked in confusion.

'Well, I suppose it IS admirable if someone has mastered 3 or 4 languages.' She said.

'I've got 5 under my belt.' Katsuhito said 'I took one in school a while ago and picked a few up since then.'

'Is that so?' Jose asked dejectedly.

'German, Japanese, English, French and Spanish.'

'Like I said,' Ryoko went on 'I'm not sure who I'm taking with me, but I have plenty of time to think it over.'

'Excellent.' Jose said 'let's mover on tot eh last part of the interview.'

'This has nothing to do with the clothes I'm not wearing under this thing, right?'

'No, this is far more interesting.' Jose said, missing that one comment and reaching under Katsuhitos chair.

'The hell!' He demanded.

Jose withdrew his hand out form under the chair and placed a new implement of pain and destruction on the table.

'Gentlemen,' Jose began in a gravely Voice 'BEHOLD! A Telephone.'

'I don't get it.' Ryoko said.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' Jose began, this time sounding like himself 'now comes a special time in the Survivor series.' Jose put in a small earpiece. 'This is the time in the show where YOU call in and ask the remaining survivors questions.'

'Did you know about this?' Katsuhito asked Ryoko.

'Not a freaking clue.' She replied.

'In just a few minutes, I'll give out the number to call. Though this call is NOT free, I guarantee I'll see every red cent of what it cost you. BUT, you get to talk to your favorite person, or I suppose you could talk to the survivors.'

'How do you think he gets his shirts on with an ego of that size?' Ryoko asked Katsuhito. He shrugged.

Jose plugged the phone into a line and looked it over. It had a few additional buttons, including hold, lines 1-6, speaker phone and disconnect.

'All set at the switchboard?' Jose asked to someone off camera.

'All 30 lines up and ready to go.' The communications operator replied. 'Ready when you are.'

'Ok kids. Get out the ink pens and something to scrawl on, be it paper, arm or wall. Here's the number to call. One-five-zero-eight-sin-nine-seven-four-two--'

(Please note: Again, please do not attempt to call me. I might answer and I might not, but I'll be horribly embarrassed if you manage to get through to me)

'You really expect to people to call an island in the middle of nowhere?'

Jose shrugged.

'The girlfriend expects me to call FROM here.'

'18 calls on the board.' The operator said.

'Well let's take the first one.' Jose punched a few buttons 'Go ahead caller; you are on live with us here at Tenchi Survivor. What's your name?'

'Steve McNally.' The caller said with a British accent over the speaker phone.

'What can I do for you, Eh! Steve?' Jose asked.

'I got a question for Ryoko.' He said.

'Go for it.' She replied.

How do you sit knowing that the last two survivors are dead and that people have vanished and or died for this game?'

'Talk about a deep subject-' Ryoko started.

'And you are discussing Ryoko's-' Jose was cut off.

'Well, as for contestants dead, I can tell you for a fact that if Ayeka HAD been alive for one more day, I would have killer her myself in her sleep. Then again, I would have pinned it on Jose and his sexual frustrations.'

'Meh,' Jose said with a shrug 'It's happened before.'

'As for Washu,' Ryoko continued 'her and I only got along. It's not like we were best friends or anything. It's a shame that she's gone, but it's nothing I can't get over. And yes, before you ask, I'll go into the Ryo-ohki thing.'

'Cool.' Steve said.

'There were a few things that pissed me off about the death and eating of that creature. One of them is that in its crystal form, it was worth a ton on the black market. Also, I'm upset that I did not fry that thing up and eat it first. That was good food.'

'Well wasn't it your ship? Your ticket out of here?'

'Yeah, but it was wrecked anyway. WAY outdated.'

'Oh, ok.' Steve said 'Thanks again for taking my call.'

'Hey, no problem.' Jose said 'who do we have on THIS line?'

'Hi Jose, This is Janice.'

'Hi Janice, what can we do for you?'

'I wanted to make a request from Katsuhito.'

'Sure, I guess.' Katsuhito responded.

'Will you say, 'I want to father your children."

'Whoa! Hold on,' Jose said 'you DO know that Mr. Morrow does NOT do the voice for Mr. Misako here, right?'

'Does my voice?' Katsuhito questioned.

'In fact,' Jose continued 'Mr. Morrow was invited to visit and do a guest segment and he told us that he was far too busy doing nothing to show up and wanted no part of us. We took care of his schedule though.'

Jose checked the lining of his pants above the pocket. A .38 revolver almost fell out. Jose caught it and stored it back where it came from.

'Indeed, we took care of THAT.'

'I know.' Janice said 'But it's the closest thing I have.'

'Fine.' Katsuhito said with a sigh 'I want to father your children.'

'Happy?' Jose asked.

'Can you say it again?' Janice asked 'I want to record it for the answering machine.'

'Get a life.' Jose said as he hit the disconnect button. 'Ok, who do we have on this line?'

'Hey Jose, this is Hans Pimmell Schmitt.'

'That's not funny.' Jose said 'Can we get someone to SCREEN these calls? What's your real name?'

'Ok, fine. I'm Mark.'

'I don't get it.' Ryoko said

'I'll teach you later.' Jose said.

'My question is for Jose.' Mark said.

'You are talking to him.' Jose replied.

'What? You don't sound Latin. This CAN'T be Jose. You sound like a damn Yankee.'

'Man, where have you been? Jose Philipe Mendola is a PEN name. I'm a scrawny Caucasian with a tan. Now what's your question?'

'Well, I want to know what I have to do to get my OWN reality type show.'

First you need some brains.' Ryoko offered.

'What?' Came Marks reply.

'First off, you need an idea. Take mine for example. I stole the survivor gag and gave it a creative twist. Using a cast from a well known show. Secondly, you need a place to play. Before me, the networks used islands and deserts. I chose island because of lack of escape methods. After that, being an evil genius really just gets you through the rest of the show. Oh, and when trying to FIND a cast, look for a group that normally has good looking women in it. That can make things more interesting.'

'I think I got it, just steal an idea and broadcast it.'

'Well, no.' Jose said. 'You can't just put it out there. You have to develop fans first.'

'I'm going to do that right now!' Mark claimed 'The cast of Transformers meets Big Brother. Thanks Jose.'

That said, Mark hung up.

'Good god.' Jose sighed 'Another typical Big Brother fan. Half retarded. Next caller, you are ON the air.'

'Yeah, I got a question for the survivors.' A familiar Boston accent said.

'Go for it.' Ryoko said.

'That's why we're here I suppose.' Katsuhito said.

'Why do you take all that abuse from Jose? He's harmless.'

'What are you talking about?' Ryoko asked.

'Let's take another call.' Jose stammered.

'No, don't hang up the phone; I want to talk to your survivors.'

'Oh, don't DO this to me.' Jose whined.

'I'm telling you, if he acts up, just rub his chest like you would and he's a pacifist for a good 5 minutes.'

Jose turned red.

'Tell me, how much better could this BE? Does it look like he's trying?'

'Actually miss,' Katsuhito started 'I think he's doing a fine job. And he has since we got here.'

'I agree.' Ryoko jumped in 'I could ask for a better host, but I could have gotten stuck with one that was much worse too.'

'Can I talk now?' Jose asked.

'Not yet.' Ryoko said 'I want to ask the woman a question.'

The woman on the other line stifled a laugh. Much like the one at the end of her voice mail message.

'Go for it.' She said 'I was hoping for SOME kind of interaction.'

'Even though I THINK I know the answer, how do you know this guy Jose?'

'That's a long, complicated story.'

'It usually is.' Jose mumbled.

'I'll tell you the version I tell everyone. The CORRECT version.'

Jose rolled his eyes in innocence.

'It was a typical chance meeting one normally reads about. Its 8:30 on a Tuesday morning and I'm heading home from spending the night with a friend. I'm not about to drive in and out of the city during rush hour, so I take the train in and out. So anyway, Rush hour to get into the city. Get on the train and it's packed like usual. Walk down one isle, no room to stand. Walk down another, again, no room to walk. So o get in to the last car and there's this one seat open. However this guy managed to do it, he fell asleep during the busiest commuting time during the day. So I figure, ok, if I don't wake him up, we'll be ok. So I throw an overnight bad on the racks above the seat and take off my jacket. Attempting to put the jacket, sweatshirt, I don't remember what it was; up there too, I missed. So this article of clothing falls on this poor kids head, and he doesn't wake up. So I'm thinking, oh shit, now I got to move it. So I go to move it, just about to reach for it, and he slides it off of his head.'

'Are we there yet?' Jose quoted.

'So I said 'What? Are we where?'

'Boston. It's getting hot on this thing.'

'I tell him a few more stops and apologize for the jacket and waking him up. And you know what he says to me? He goes-'

'That's ok. I hate waking up alone.'

Katsuhito laughed.

'So now I have to make the first move. I ask him what his name is, where he's going, what he's doing, if he's meeting up with anyone.'

'So we talk for a few minutes and I get that she was at a friends house for the night, lives in the city and was heading back with nothing on her schedule. Before I know it, I'm asked to accompany her to Lunch.'

'Before I take this guy out to lunch, I got to feel him out. What kind of person is he? Is he ALWAYS this funny? Is he going to kill me and dump my body in the harbor?'

'So she shows me a little shop where I can get all the bootleg movies and music I'm looking for, and goldfish, and we go out for lunch.'

'So before I know it, I've warmed up to Jose and here I am, grinning like an idiot, wanting to see him again.'

'So I've never hung around with a more charming woman, and here I am saying 'holy crap, what kind of luck is this?' So we go shopping, I get what I need and ask her what she has planned for the rest of the day.'

'Well, you have to meet my parents.'

'So that was kind of weird. I've never met someone that wanted me to meet their parents so badly. I, being the person who can be taken advantage of very easily, agree to go back to the apartment with her and say hello to her parents.'

'There we are, some skinny white kid with a tan, being led around Boston's South end by a Chinese American girl. I'm sure it looked strange to a lot of people. So we make it to the apartment and, to quote a movie title, meet the parents.'

'Very nice people, I must say, but it was strange to have them keep offering me food and tea. Maybe it's me, but it was just odd to be a part of that.'

'It's custom.' Katsuhito threw in.

'So he eventually leaves, to protest of doing so, and I tell him that I want to see him again. He tells me that he might have to wait because there was someone he was in school with that he might have had a chance with.'

Ryoko leaned over and Punched Jose in the arm.

'Don't hear anything about HER.' Ryoko said. 'Brilliant plan. Go on.'

'That sounded like a hit!' the caller exclaimed 'That's what I wanted to do.'

'Tell me about it.' Jose said.

'Well, it's didn't end there. For whatever reason we both ended up dating different people, things fell the way they did, but I still wanted to be with and near him. It was kind of strange, we were in separate towns, but I sort of stalked him. I remember one night I called his house and asked to speak to him, and I'm told he's at work. So I get the address of where he was working and take a 10:30 train out of the city to sit on his car and wait for him.'

'And let me tell you.' Jose said 'she was sitting ON my car when I came out. Scared the hell out of me.'

'So it took forever since we met to start dating. He'd go out of state with friends, be off doing whatever while he knew that I was waiting for him to come visit. This was the most Unphysical person I had ever met, did you know that?'

'What do you mean?' Ryoko asked.

'It's like he was afraid to touch me. I was ready at one point to PAY him to kiss me.'

'If you don't mind,' Katsuhito started 'I'm interested in hearing this.'

'So I'm sitting outside of his work for almost an hour in the snow for him, it's been closed for a few hours so I cant go in, I don't want to bother him at work because he might get a pay cut, so I sit in the snow and wait him to come out.'

'So I'm held for a few minutes late after work, and here I am just getting my stuff together, and my boss comes back in. He's telling me that someone is waiting outside for me.'

'Anyway, so he comes outside, and there I am waiting on his car. Now, I've been out here for an hour, and I've get snow packed onto me from the wind, I'm freezing cold and I'm probably sick.'

'So, to the rescue, I take her jacket from her and give her the felid jacket I was wearing. This poor girl, I've never seen something cuter than her sitting in the snow waiting for me. So she gets in the car and I ask her what she's doing out here, where she was planning to go and such.'

'So I was planning on him taking me home and leaving in the morning. Is that so wrong?'

'We get her something to drink and get back to the train station. I remember telling her how nice it was seeing her after work and such, and I tell her to keep the jacket, as I'll see her that weekend.'

'And this is where he thinks that he's going to get away. After spending time with me, putting up with me coming to see him on a night that had intentional bad weather, he thinks he's going to wait on the train with me and go.'

'So I get a choice. Well, two. She tells me that she can either 1, do to me what she's wanted to do for a while now, or 2, I can cut all losses and kiss her right there.'

'So what was the alternative?' Katsuhito asked.

'Forget it'. The caller said. 'Not important. So after this many weeks, I finally get to kiss the stranger on the train. THIS long to wait.'

Both the survivors groaned in their disapproval.

'Better yet,' the caller went on 'it was after this point that I could get him to start spending the night with me. And let me tell you, anything less than a shirt, and he's not much to look at.'

'Ew.' Ryoko said, sticking out her tongue.

'That was more than I needed to know.' Katsuhito said.

'Now just a damn minute-' Jose began.

'I'm joking. You're cute regardless how much or how little you wear.'

'Look, I hate to cut this short, but this has NOTHING to do with survivor. These people must be bored.'

'One more question.' Katsuhito said 'I think she deserves it after putting up with you.'

'ONE more.' Jose said. 'We have to get this thing moving.'

'How happy will you be to get off this island and away from Jose for good?'

'I'll get you for this.' Jose vowed.

'I was counting on that.' She replied.

'Most defiantly.' Ryoko said off the bat. 'The sooner I get away from this island, the better. And Jose.'

'I'm not going to miss this place.' Katsuhito said 'I'm looking forward to a shower, real food and a soft bed. Not to mention people I WANT to be around.'

'And that's all the time we have for THAT caller. Stay out of trouble. I'll see you in a few weeks.' Jose hit the disconnect button. 'Who do we have on this line?'

'I got a question for Ryoko.' The caller said 'Electrocution, burns, I'm pretty sure I've seen you choked twice now. Normally, this would kill a lot of good moods, but it seems top encourage you. What's the deal? You seem like a- what's the word for it? Masochist?'

Ryoko laughed, Jose turned red.

'I'd consider myself a sadist.' She replied.

'That has NOTHING to do with survivor.' Jose said as he hung up. 'Ok, this line. Hello?' Jose got feedback from the speakers 'Damn! Turn down your computer!'

'Yeah, I got a question for the survivors.' The caller asked, no feedback this time 'would either of you consider coming back for a reunion game?'

'That would be kind of hard,' Ryoko explained 'as we will never see 3 of the survivors again.'

'I mean the ones that are still alive, would you come back to the island again to hook up with Jose and do a reunion show?'

'Stop giving him ideas.' Katsuhito said 'It only sounds like a good idea, but defiantly not good enough o show up for.'

'I agree.' Ryoko said 'It's a good idea, worthy of Jose even, but I'm not about to come back here again.'

'Ah, great. Just wondering.'

Jose hit the disconnect button.

'A few more?' Jose asked.

The agreement was only a few.

'Who do we have on this line?' Jose asked.

'This is Bob. Bob from Pike Creek.'

'Go for it Bob.' Jose said.

'OK, Jose first. Do you plan on doing any more reality based shows, or games like Monopoly?'

'Confidential information.' Jose replied 'If I have anything else planned, you'll know as soon as everyone else does.'

'And my question for the survivors, do either of you plan on taking after a career in Parody fics after this? Most people start off like this and end up in FEATURE LENGTH fics.'

'Uh, I think this will do it for me.' Katsuhito said 'After this, I plan on going back home to my private, abnormal life.'

'Ri-i-i-ight.' Jose said under his breath 'Private.'

'As for me, I'm not sure what I'll do.' Ryoko said 'I think I might get back to the Misaki residence and leave to travel. But hey, if TV fics want me, I might be willing to give it a try.'

'Even for me again?' Jose asked.

'With a few exceptions though.' Ryoko added.

'Hey, that's really admirable.' Bob said 'It's been a pleasure talking to you all. Thanks for taking my call.'

'No problem.' Jose said as he hung up. 'Who do we have on this line?'

'Hi Jose, my name is Scott.'

'Well hi, Scott. What can we do for you?' Jose asked.

'Well, I've been following this Fic since before the first few days were deleted, but let me tell you, they way you talk, dress, act and your general outlook on everything-'

'Is this some sort of gay thing?' Katsuhito asked Ryoko quietly. She laughed.

'I got to tell you man, it's like you are related to me or something. I'm pretty sure you are my alternate identity.'

'Have you seen the movie 'Secret Window' Scott?' Jose asked.

'Hell yeah-' Scott said 'I loved it.'

'Then perhaps I am what the killer ended up being. Just a fictional character, if you will, created by you, and the only way to live your ambitions is to live them through me.'

'So, kind of like Fight Club?' Scott asked.

'Correct.' Jose said 'So maybe I don't exist, and only you can see me, hear me, but subconsciously, you are living this life, only opposite in the aspect that you have a show.'

'You really think so?' Scott asked.

'Well, it's either that or this is a corny joke one of us thought up.'

'My head hurts.' Ryoko mumbled.

'Well, thanks for taking my call Jose. Or, should I be thanking myself that 'I' took my own call? Or should I tank you for taking 'our' call? Or possibly-'

'Nutcase.' Jose said as he hung up the phone. 'Ok, last call. Who's on the line?'

'Good day Mr. Mendola, I'm a high priced lawyer that has been hired by both the owners of the 'Survivor' title AND the owners of the Tenchi Muyo characters. I have a few questions for both you and your so called 'Survivors'.'

Jose closed his eyes in hopes the call would go away.

'Go ahead.' He groaned.

'First off, are you aware that this line is being recorded?'

'I had no idea.' Jose replied.

'Well it is. Second question, were you given, legally, any permission to use either the survivor title or the characters from the Tenchi Muyo Series?'

'Characters?' Katsuhito said 'What's he talking about?'

'No sir, I was given no permission.'

'Question 3; is it true that you have already had legal problems with this show?'

'No sir, I have not.'

'It shows here that the first few chapter days were deleted by an administrator. Care to explain?'

'That's easy.' Jose said 'they were deleted because they did not comply with the rules of the hosting site on the way they were posted.'

'And how was that, Mr. Mendola?'

'Somewhere in the millions and millions of rules and regulations the moderators expect us to follow, somewhere, in small print I'm sure, the rules state 'No reader interaction of any kind is permitted.' Earlier, I had asked readers to vote, so the first few chapters were put to a halt. They were soon deleted afterwards, and now, the current days, there have been no problems.'

'I see,' The lawyer said 'then I have one more question for you Mr. Mendola, then onto your 'survivors'.'

'Go right ahead.' Jose said.

'Mr. Mendola, have you ever made any kind of sexual advances toward any or all of the Tenchi Muyo Cast?'

Jose stood in appalled silence.

'May I remind you, Mr. Mendola, that if this trial goes to case, you will be under oath, and if any of these answers conflict with that said in the court room, there will be a sever punishment. Mr. Mendola?'

'What- the shit-' Jose growled.

'What was that Mr. Mendola?'

'WHAT- THE-SHIT?' Jose yelled 'what the hell kind of question is that? I would NEVER do such a thing! This is the most outrageous-'

'That will do, Mr. Mendola. As for your survivors, a few questions. Has Mr. Mendola ever made a sexual advance on your or the rest of the Tenchi Muyo cast while on the island?'

'Sir,' Katsuhito said right away 'I'm not sure what you mean by 'cast', but I can assure you that Jose has NEVER made an advance on me or Tenchi.'

'As for me,' Ryoko started 'Jose has never done such a thing to anyone. He has never questioned it, or asked ANY of us FOR it. And that goes for the whole GROUP of survivors.'

'So he ahs never promised any of you money, victory or any other material goods in exchange for sex?'

'No!' All three yelled.

'OK,' the lawyer went on 'Next question. Has Mr. Mendola promised you ANY sort of money?'

Ryoko and Katsuhito did not say anything.

'Ryoko? Katsuhito? Are you there? Need I remind you that you can not refuse to answer my questions related to this legal case? Has Mr. Mendola promised you money of any kind, for any reason?'

The survivors looked at Jose. He only nodded.

'Come to think of it,' Katsuhito started 'it was claimed that if we won this game, we get $10,000'

'Ah-ha.' The lawyer laughed 'now we are legally getting somewhere. Mr. Mendola, are you aware that it is illegal to write out any number of checks for any amount of money that is tied in to the station?'

'Yes I am.' Jose replied.

'But you went ahead and did it anyway, promising money and a trip?'

'No sir, I did not.' Jose said evenly.

'But you just said-' the lawyer started

'Allow me to read to you the fine print that is at the bottom of the contracts signed by the survivors after they had arrived on the island. And I quote, 'I, the above signed name, understand that the 10,000 dollar prize money will go toward my one week all expenses paid trip, and I will not see a dime of it.' End quote.'

There was only silence from the other end of the line.

'Ok,' the lawyer said finally 'and on the topic of using the names without consent, are you aware of the copyright laws you are infringing upon, correct?'

'Yes I am,' Jose answered 'However, I am also aware of the laws that state as long as I admit to using names that are not mine, but legally owned ones, I am clear of any infringement rights. As for the characters, I am aware of the laws that state that as long as I make no money using their names or likenesses, I will and can not be held in legal regards.'

More silence from the other end of the line.

'I think you got him.' Ryoko said.

'As for any other legal terms or contracts you might have, cram it. I have become legally safe in all I do here, and in no way have I yet to screw that up. You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth! I am legally SAFE!'

Jose slammed his fist down on the disconnect button, causing two small pieces of phone to shatter off. The phone sparked away in death.

Jose cracked his knuckle and dusted off his shirt.

'I hate lawyers.' He said 'Follow me. We're heading toward the next part of this ceremony.'

The survivors got out of their uncomfortable chairs and followed Jose by torchlight down a darkened path toward their next stop.

Jose led them down the path for a good 100 yards, then the torches on the side of the path stopped again.

'Just follow the sounds of my feet.' Jose instructed 'you'll be able to see where we are going next anyway.'

Taking a left and heading down a steep incline, the survivors could see their destination.

The setup was meant to be a small room. It was dimly lit, but the survivors could see the temporary walls that were put up. Towards the front of the 'room' there were 5 chairs set up next to each other. They were all facing a white screen. In the back of the room set on a rolling cart and some books was a slide projector set.

'A slide show?' Katsuhito asked 'What of?'

'The 'Welcome Home Jose' Cook out we had on Memorial Day.' Jose said.

Both Katsuhito and Ryoko cocked an eye.

'I'm joking.' Jose said 'It's a show of the game and it's happening on the island. Take a seat; I'll be right with you.'

The survivors filed into seats. The camera moved to the back of the theater, next tot eh slide projector. From that camera placement, 4 ½ seats were shown. The half of the seat cut off on the left side of the screen. The survivors head and shoulders cast silhouettes against the screen. Jose walked back into view and sat down. He had the slide changer with him, as well as a small stereo.

'OK,' Jose said 'where we go.'

The Tenchi Survivor logo came up on screen and the music started playing. After a second, a record scratched and a new song came started playing. (You all know the tune, sing along dammit!)

'In the not too distant future, on an island right outside,

Mr. Mendola, an evil kid, was plotting a next demise.

He got a whole cast, and called it a show,

But two of them have been here since day one, and now they have got to go!

'I'll make up outrageous challenges, and those they must get through. La-la-la

They'll have to survive all of them, if they want to see the end. La-la-la

Their performances on it all it will depend. La-la-la

So they'll try to survive my wrath, while wondering what comes next.'

(splash)

'Cast and crew remaining'

Katsuhito! 'I shouldn't even BE here!'

Ryoko! 'Where's my tail gone to?'

Jose! 'God am I evil.'

If you're wondering why they don't escape and leave Jose behind La-la-la

Just repeat to yourself 'It's the end of the fic, I should really just relax.'

Oh, Tenchi Survivor slide show.'

'That was pretty good.' Ryoko's shadow said 'Did you come up with that yourself?'

'All but the tune.' Jose replied 'Let's get this moving.'

Jose hit a button and the first slide came up. It was a picture of a boat no too far offshore coming to land. Jose stood in the foreground. Pushing a button, Jose changed the picture.

'Now that I remember.' Katsuhito said.

The picture was of the Survivors being led off the boat at the point of Bayonets.

'Classic.' Ryoko said.

Pictures after that ranged from the survivors moving in to the survivors attempting to survive PT. Within those, Pictures of Survivors eating, fishing, talking and a few more shots of the PT.

Picture sets up now were of those just after PT. One or two survivors sleeping, survivors downing water and a survivor- bathing?

'Oh, shit!' Jose said as he quickly skipped a slide.

'Woah, woah, woah.' Katsuhito said 'Change it back a slide.'

'No, it was nothing!' Jose protested.

Katsuhito stood up. He was over a picture of Ryoko's cooked dinner, Rocks and Salt water.

'Give me that thing.' Katsuhito warned 'Don't make me come over there and GET it.'

Jose held the remote in the opposite direction of Katsuhito, a death grip on it.

'It was nothing! Really!' Jose shouted.

'Let's see what you got, you sicko!' Katsuhito gave a battle cry and leapt at Jose.

Ryoko only shook her head.

After thrashing around and beating the controller out of Jose's hand, Katsuhito sat back down.

'Now let's see what we got here.'

The picture clicked back to a typical picture that Jose or anyone else in his permanent mindset would have.

It was a picture of a very attractive bare back, and ass for that matter, blond girl with her back to the camera. She was seated on a rock and still damp from an evident bath she had just finished. Blond brown hair was plastered to her shoulders and back. Her head was turned just slightly, as if she was looking at a noise she might have heard. Single blue eye was seen in her turn. Her beautiful feminine feature was only accented by the background. She was seated in front of a topaz colored lagoon, thick green brush surrounded it, dotted here and there with tropical flowers. She was clearly visible from her rear on the rock up, arms folded in front of her.

Jose shakily stood to his feet and took his seat. His hair was clearly disheveled.

'Quite the shot.' Ryoko said 'If I didn't know you were such a pervert, I'd almost call that art.'

'You know,' Katsuhito started 'I've lived under the same roof as that girl for so long, I forgot she was that attractive.'

'I'm no idiot.' Jose said 'If I invite a cast, I invite the best looking.'

Ryoko turned a shade of red in the darkness for some reason.

'Next slide, ok?' Jose asked.

'Agreed.' Katsuhito said 'I'll let you keep that ONE picture of Mihoshi, but only because it's tasteful.'

'Cool.' Jose said with a cough. He was handed back the remote and continued to flip through the slides.

There were a few pictures of the survivors quelling a fire, a mystery meal served by Jose, teleportation devices being destroyed by a bat, Ryo-Ohki on a chopping block, Various tasks the survivors had to do, wake up calls, Electrified totem poles, scavenger hunts, Katsuhito running down a beach with a crab attached to his finger, Tenchi and Ayeka kissing, Jose playing an air guitar in front of a stereo, A volleyball game, Hunk getting his ass kicked, Serra Angel with a bottle of Jack Daniels, Jose drunk and an assortment of other things.

The last slide was a killer. It was a faked picture, but it was of both Katsuhito and Ryoko next to each other, a trophy between them. All the laughter the other slides brought was halted by this last slide. It was now pure competition.

'Survivors up!' Jose said.

The three shadows stood, Jose with them.

'Let's move. Follow me and we're off to our next point.' Jose moved off the screen to the right. Ryoko after him, And finally Katsuhito who picked up something that looked like a small gumball machine attached to a barrel.

Jose led the way to the opposite side of the evident valley they were in. Once on top of the hill, Jose took a right, leading off the path, off the main path anyway. Between the overlapping sheets of light blocking tarps, very little sunlight proved that they were on a smaller, less used path.

At one point in their journey, it got very cold and damp. Jose would caution feet, warn of heads and the occasional puddle.

'Where the hell are we?' Ryoko finally asked.

'Just up ahead.' Jose replied 'We are almost there.'

After another few yards of walking, Jose stopped the Survivors. Their eyes had yet to adjust tot eh dark fully.

'Close your eyes.' Jose cautioned.

The survivors complied. At first, the darkness around them did not change. It did only when the lights around them were flipped on. Slowly, they opened their eyes.

Eyes opening slowly, the survivors saw that they had been led into a cave. The walls were smooth sedimentary rock. The ceiling 20 feet above them bristled with 7 foot stalagmites that more often than not, dripped water. Lime traces spider webbed each wall. The path the survivors had traveled was dark, the bare bulbs not penetrating the inky darkness.

Jose stood in front of a wall that had a natural wall in it. From it, a steady stream of water poured into a water crafted basin that ran down a type of guide and disappeared into the wall, to land someplace else.

'From this spring,' Jose started 'The water in the lagoon is fed. The highest point the water reaches on it's own on this island is right here. Shaped by the liquid itself, it runs down this shelf and falls into a practical river that empties out into the lagoon. Like the rock that was shaped by an outside force, so were both of you. You have both been carved and shaped. The time has now come to define your mold. Katsuhito, step up here where I am.'

Katsuhito walked forward, Jose exchanging places with him. Stretching in exhaustion, Jose extended an arm level to Ryoko's shoulders. She slapped his hand away.

'Katsuhito,' Jose said 'You are up here to define your shape. That in the way you were carved. Tell us, why should you be the winner of Tenchi Survivor?'

A silence followed, aside from the running water and the all too often drip, drip, drip from the ceiling.

'I think I deserve to win this game because I'm a natural leader. I can command just about any group to get done what needs to be. I focus on the goals that need to be done and make sure they GET done. I'm a respectable person with many credentials behind him. I can manage time and people, and I'm an 'outside the box' kind of guy. I've got the muscle to back me up and the smarts to get things done right.'

'Well put.' Jose said 'The words of a true winner.' Jose turned to look at Ryoko 'Your turn. Katsuhito, trade places with her.'

The survivors quickly changed places. Ryoko in front of the water, Katsuhito next to Jose. Ryoko seemed almost happy to be away from Jose for the time being.

'Ryoko,' Jose began again 'tell us why you should win Tenchi survivor.'

'That's easy.' Ryoko said 'I should come out on top because I believe in a fair game. If people are under me, so to speak, I take into regard what they want and try to work that in. If it comes down to trying something new, I'm up for it. Goals that have to be reached have many paths, and I take the one most favored. I'm not one to let work slip by, so when a strong arm is needed, I can dole out as much justice as needed. Time is never a problem for me, the glass is ALWAYS half full and I get done what has to be. I'm not the best person in the world, but I'm the best damn survivor this show has seen.

Drip, dip, drip.

'Bravo.' Jose said 'Killer words from a serious player. Ryoko, please return. Katsuhito, please stay as well. Jose took a stand in front of the water. 'In a figure of speech, we will all soon see how you fall. Once the water here goes back into that wall near the floor, it falls into a pool below. From the pool, the water travels over rocks, and finally out into the lagoon. However, along the way are stag pools. Puddles of water that stay there, while the rest rushes past. The question is, will you fall short of your goal, or will you move on to victory?'

The survivors stood and looked at Jose.

'Go ahead.' Jose said 'I know you want to say something.'

'My tongue hurts.' Ryoko mumbled.

'Jose,' Katsuhito started 'That was either the smartest or the STUPIDEST thing you have ever said.'

'Fine.' Follow me.' Jose said. He made for the other end of the cave where another tunnel was. Once around a single corner, all light fled the world.

Katsuhito cursed out loud behind Jose.

'And watch your head.' Jose added.

The survivors followed Jose around twists and turns, up one incline, down another. At one point, the survivors had to crawl between a low ceiling and the damp floor.

'Jose,' Katsuhito said at one point 'I step on fortune cookie.'

'I hate snakes.' Jose quoted immediately. Ryoko latched onto his back, legs wrapped around his waist, her arms around his neck. She soon remembered who she was clinging to.

'I think I'll risk the snakes.' She said as she climbed down.

It had been a while since they left the secondary interview sight, but now it was a lot warmer. The air was no longer cold and damp, but very dry and warm. The sounds of running and dripping water had ceased a short time ago. Pretty soon after they had walked through some shrubs actually.

Jose halted the survivors in the dark. They stopped short.

'What's going on?' Katsuhito asked 'Where are we?'

'Gentlemen!' Jose said, returning to a grating voice 'I'm glad you asked. Behold!'

Sunlight blazed alive as tarps were pulled back. They shrunk under the light and shielded their eyes.

'Sunlight!' Jose finished.

'It hurts like a million suns!' Katsuhito yelled 'I think I melted my corneas.'

'I think I'm blind.' Ryoko said 'This is worse than the time I stuck a fork in the electrical outlet.'

Jose laughed evilly

'OK survivors, listen up. I've had no sleep for the past three days and I've been caffeinated off my ass. So tell you what, I'm going to take a 30 minute break. You two hang around here, I'm going to see if I can get something worked out.'

'Hold up one second, Jose.' Ryoko said.

Jose turned to look at her.

'Yes?'

'Real quick, give me a lyric.'

'What?' Jose asked.

'Just give me a lyric to a song. Any song at all.'

Jose thought for a second and said

'My girl, my girl, don't lie to me. Tell me where did you sleep last night.' A tear might have formed on the side of Jose's eye.

'In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine. I would shiver the whole night through.' Katsuhito finished.

'Why did I do that?' Jose asked Ryoko.

'Just wanted to see what kind of mental mood you were in. I think I get it.'

Easily, Jose walked off before the survivors could even see again. By the time they had their vision back; it was only them and the camera crew.

The camera crew itself was strange. By the looks of things to the survivors, the cameraman, Dan, was a good friend of Jose's. As for the rest of the crew, lighting, shotgun mike operator, sound mixer, photographer and ESPECIALLY the boom mike operator completely fell apart after Jose left. Things would explode, wires would get crossed and sound failed.

'So what should we do now, Ryo- OW! Son of a bitch!' Katsuhito yelled.

The boom mike was always hitting people. Mainly in the head too.

Ryoko turned to face the wounded Katsuhito. She was greeted with a shotgun mike to the nose.

'I hate this place.' Ryoko said as she rubbed her nose.

Behind the survivors, a light exploded.

Jose found himself standing in a dimly lit marble hallway. The floor below him shifted like water, but did not loose the solidity of itself. Jose looked above him. The sky boiled and churned a sickly red color. What he could see of the sky shown through an odd ceiling consisting of what looked like white wings.

The squared pillars that made up the hall shifted, marking the addition of a new person entering the hall. The white gray marble shifted to gray/ black. Someone was walking down the hall.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' an unknown voice said over unseen speakers 'The one, the only.' That was it. No name, no I.D to the person walking down the hall. Rather, walking on the SIDE of the wall. The pillars stretched so there was a single inch between them, making it easy to walk on the wall towards Jose.

The unknown figure hopped off the wall and landed silently on the floor in front of Jose. The pillars had returned to their square shape.

'We finally meet man to man.' The human said. He was wearing a black and white overcoat that overlapped his black pressed dress pants. The coat itself was quite sharp looking as well. He was a young man, a little older than Jose. He had a slim face that looked as if it was carved out of sandstone. He looked clean and had a friendly aurora about him. If one was to characterize him, he might be considered a beautiful man. His hair and eyes were what really got to Jose. For someone in such nice clothes, his hair was long, about mid shoulder length, a light gray and brown and very shiny. It moved in an unfelt wind. His eyes were a dull gold, with a vertical black slit for a cornea. Cat eyes.

'Jesus?' Jose asked stupidly.

'No, idiot.' The man said in a low voice. 'Think harder.'

Jose had seen this trick before, something taking a human form. He could not place him. Only a black and a white cat came to mind.

The creature, Jose no longer considered it human, blinked its eyes.

'Holy hell,' Jose said, coming to grips with who he was dealing with 'Why are you talking?'

'Only because you wanted me to.' The creature replied. 'I'm here in human form to talk to you.'

'Jeeze, I never thought you could take forms of people.'

'Well, I can't really. This is just a dream, mixed with everything that is on your mind. Those wings up there? You've been talking to Serra at night. The floor, that stupid speech you made. And I'm not sure WHAT the sky's supposed to represent. Maybe because you like the stuff and the changing colors to coincide with your ever changing mind.'

'But why you?' Jose asked.

'That's' easy. The last enjoyable experience you were semi-conscious for was indirectly related to me. How long had it been since you last saw me? You could tell me all about that apartment, how to get to any room in the flat, probably even what kind of panties Miko was wearing and how long they took to come off but if you were asked what happened, you'd only have a general idea. But you sure as hell remember a certain someone jumping onto you as soon as you sat down with a Jack and coke.'

The pillars throbbed again, marking another entry. Marble turned from gray/ black to red/white.

'Oh shit.' Meatball said 'now you're in for it.'

'Why?' Jose asked 'What did I do?'

'Just let me translate.' The cat-man said.

From the end of the hall, someone was stomping their way toward Jose and Meatball. It soon came into view.

It seemed to be a younger girl, younger than Jose. She had a brown dress-like thing on, and a full head of brown, slightly askew hair. It fell well below her waits. Down the center of her hair, a white shock stood out against her brown hair. She was slender and oddly cute. Her eyes were glazed over in anger, and feline ears were back. She came closer and Jose could tell she resembled a cat as well, but more so than Meatball did.

'Jose,' Meatball said as he grabbed the marauding cat-creature by the waist, halting her rampage 'May I introduce to you, unfortunately not my 'better half', the 'human form' Ryo-Ohki.'

'Shit.' Jose said.

Ryo-Ohki rattled off some words that Jose could not understand. They sounded like her native (?) Japanese.

"You bastard, you bastard." Meatball translated "How could you go and eat my other form?"

'You can understand her?' Jose asked.

'Do you know my NAME?' Meatball asked 'Yes, I can understand her.'

Ryo-Ohki glared at Jose.

'Tell her that I'm sorry and I'll do anything to make her suffering easier.'

Meatball translated and translated her response to Jose.

"Sorry fails to make up for the fact that she can not see Tenchi again."

'Is there nothing I can do?' Jose asked.

Meatball looked at Ryo-Ohki then back at Jose.

'Actually, there IS something you can do.'

'Tell me and it's done.'

'You have only destroyed one for of this animal. It's animal form. There is one body remaining, but it is its human form. The body had become active as son as the original was destroyed. Contact the conscious form and bring it back to the island along with the rest of the survivors.'

'But one is dead and the other is lost.' Jose said.

'Hmm. That IS a problem.' Meatball said 'I can not raise the dead, but I wonder.'

Meatball looked up. Jose and Ryo-Ohki did the same. Something high up above exploded. A white comet fell toward the hall.

'Oh-no.' Jose said.

'Oh, yes.' Meatball said happily 'Watch out.'

The comet covered more air than expected, and impacted into the hall with an enormous explosion. No one was fazed by it. Meatball and Ryo-Ohki slid around it and next to Jose, one on each side of him. Jose instinctively scratched Ryo-Ohki on the head. She purred happily.

The comet was actually a machine. It was made of metal plates and circuitry. A round window was steamed over. Jose could not see much except for a shadow moving around. Meatball said something to Ryo-Ohki and she slid out from under Jose's hand. They both backed up.

The hatch on the pod opened and steam spilled out. With it, a very familiar face.

Her red hair stayed in one position as she fell on her face and got back up. She looked around and lastly saw Jose.

'Uh-oh.' Jose said again.

'Son of a-' Washu lunged at Jose.

Jose held up an arm to block her and a wall formed between the two.

'So THAT'S how we are going to play!' Washu yelled form the other side of the wall. Something was charging up.

The wall fell apart and large pieces of marble fell to the floor and melted back into the floor. A thick metal glove on Washu's hand steamed.

'Your turn.' She said to Jose.

'Hold it.' Meatball said as he stepped forward 'Don't hurt him. He's the reason you are here.'

'Huh?' Washu asked 'where IS here?'

'This is Jose's dream.' The cat creature said.

'I don't believe it.' Washu growled 'I still have my clothes on.'

'Well, kind of his dream.' Meatball continued 'Under my guidance Jose is pulling back all the survivors he can to finish the game. You and Ryo-Ohki are the last two to be returned.'

'I get it.' Washu said 'He brought me back now because he figured that at some point, I'd be back to kill him.'

Jose was about to say something, but Meatball cut him off.

'Actually, he brought you back now because, dare I say it, he missed you.'

Jose nodded.

"I need you back to finish a vote. If you did not come back, the votes at the end would be uneven.'

Ryo-Ohki nodded.

'I suppose it WAS nice of you to bring me back, so I won't kill you for now. Hey, am I really back, or am I half way there?'

Meatball closed his eyes and put his hands behind his back. Exhaling, he said something to himself.

Opening them again, he looked at Washu.

'You are back at home, asleep on the couch. When you wake up, head again for the island. There, you will vote.

'Groovy.' Washu said 'Get me out of here so I can get home. I need to check my mail anyway.'

Jose dismissed the though of Washu. She vanished.

Ryo-Ohki returned next to Jose and rubbed against his leg until he began to scratch her anew. She purred in content.

'It seems you have been forgiven.' Meatball said to Jose. 'Consider yourself lucky.' A tail swept back and forth behind him. 'Well, looks like it's time to go. Be smart Jose, and tread carefully with the returning survivors.'

'Wait! Why did you help me back there?'

The human returning to cat exhaled.

'I did it only to strike a bargain with you. In exchange for helping me, you must do me a favor.'

'Anything.' Jose said.

'You and I share a love. One that only you can benefit from, because you are of her same race. I simply ask that you treat her well. She loves you too much to loose you to someone else. I know how well you treat her; I see it every time you visit. Just never forget that you are a person and how much you mean to each other. Simple, yes?'

Jose nodded.

Ryo-Ohki rolled over and seemed to demand her chin scratched. Jose obliged and reached out in comfort.

Meatball, now half cat and half human, got the idea that he no longer held Jose's attention. He ran over to Jose and brushed up against him. He turned to look up at him.

'Wake up.' Meatball said 'get his dome so everyone can go home.'

Ryo-Ohki squeaked something at Jose as he rubbed at her chin and neck.

Meatball laughed.

'What did she say?' Jose asked.

'She said 'your turn." Meatball translated. 'Can you say, 'Eager to please'?'

'Sweet deal.' Jose laughed.

'Jose,' Meatball said 'This is only a dream.'

Jose sat up awake in his reclined. He had broken out in a cold sweat. Looking around, Jose saw no cat girls wanting to scratch t his neck, and no Washu.

'God damn.' Jose said as he picked up a phone and dialed some numbers.

It had been a while since the survivors last saw Jose. Since then, a few helicopters had buzzed the island and a lot more staff had been requested to the beach. That was a while ago, and sounds of construction had halted since then.

It was a surprise to see Jose himself show up and ask the survivors to follow him. He led the survivors down the path, not bothering to explain what was going ton to the survivors.

When they arrived, they were greeted by a less than expected sight. Two podiums stood in front of what looked like a jury box. A single chair sat in front on the box that held 5 chairs.

'Survivors, if you would please take you places at the podiums, we'll be done here before you know it.'

The survivors stepped up to their podiums and awaited their next orders.

'Ok, as for the surprise have for you, do NOT speak until spoken to. Regardless of who has shown up, do NOT talk to them. Normally, I'd tell you who you are about to deal with, but no one gave me an immediate reply.'

The survivors nodded their understanding. Jose exhaled and hoped to god at least the first 3 had shown up.

'Survivors and fans alike, please welcome back to the island, the first survivor to be banished, Sasami.'

Sasami walked out from behind the backdrop and took a seat in the box.

'Tell us,' Jose started 'what have you been up to since you left us?'

'I've been back to school and making a killing in talk shows about Survivor. I've led a fairly normal life since I got back. I'm still a kid, so not much has changed.' She replied.

'Beautiful.' Jose said 'Nice to see that you came back to the island. You DO know why you are here, correct?'

'Yes I do.' She said plainly.

'And are you ready to make your choice today?'

'Indeed I am.' Sasami replied.

'That's what I like to hear. Next, returning to the island, we have the fourth survivor to have been banished, Tenchi.'

Tenchi walked out from behind the backdrop and up to Jose. A firm handshake later, Tenchi sat down next to Sasami in the box.

'So what have you been up to since you left?' Jose asked.

'Back at home catching up on bills, fan mail and the housework.' Tenchi said happily.

'And how much tail have you gotten after being on survivor?' Jose asked.

'What's that mean?' Sasami asked. Tenchi covered her ears.

'Uh, none. I don't reply to THAT mail.' Tenchi offered.

'Pansy.' Jose grumbles. 'Ok, next we have returning to the island, the 6th survivor to be banished. Say hello again tot eh lovely Mihoshi!'

'We know YOU'RE happy to see her.' Katsuhito said.

Jose flipped him off quickly.

Nothing happened. No one came out from behind the backdrop.

'Er, the lovely Mihoshi!' Jose tried again. His time, he was awarded with someone running into the back of the backdrop. Mihoshi walked out and toward Jose while she rubbed her head. Jose took the offered hug and let her take her seat.

'What have you been doing since you left the island?' Jose asked Mihoshi.

'I reported back to the Galaxy Police control and they said that my vacation time had been extended. They also said something about damaged goods costs, but that was after I backed a star cruiser into the command tower. They told me to just go after that.'

'So pretty much the usual?' Jose asked.

'The usual.' Mihoshi said with a smile.

Jose held a finger up to his right ear. The black earpiece was feeding him some kind of information. After a few seconds, Jose took his hand down.

'Survivors, players and voters alike, I am pleased to inform you all that the rest of the survivors have shown up. Here since the first time since their banishment, Ryo-Ohki.'

The same human type form that Jose had seen in his dream walked out form behind the backdrop.

'Kitty?' Sasami asked 'What happened to you, again?'

'Good God!' Tenchi said in alarm as he jumped behind his chair. Immediately, Ryo-Ohki was kneeling on Tenchi's chair, attempting to get as close to him as possible. It was only drawn off after Sasami had made eye contact with her. Ryo-Ohki happily ran over to see her.

'Indeed.' Jose said.

Ryo-Ohki looked at Jose and squeaked something. No talking man-cats to translate this time.

'One more time.' Jose said to her.

She squeaked again.

This time, Jose read the subtitles.

"Just a dream, right?"

Jose closed his eyes and shook his head clear. Oh man, that was weird.

'And finally,' Jose said 'Our last survivor who JUST got in from a place she can not define, Washu.'

Washu was her normal self again. She stormed out from behind the backdrop and right up to Jose. She stood a foot away from him and reared back.

SLAP.

Washu delivered a powerful right hand blow to the left side of Jose's face. It immediately turned red. She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

'Ow.' Jose said simply. That was a powerful hit. Even for a woman. Jose saw Moogles circling his head.

'That's for losing me between time and space.' She said evenly.

Washu turned to walk toward the box. She took a few steps, and stopped. She turned on her heel and walked back toward Jose.

Jose would never get used to this abuse. Jose stared at Washu, preparing for another impact.

Faster than Jose could react, Ryoko shot both hands up and grabbed Jose by both sides of his head. She hauled him toward her and- kissed him?

She just held him there for a second as Jose blinked in confusion. Well, more like 5 seconds. A good enough length of time for a few cameras to document it and a few good pictures to be taken.

Washu released Jose's head. She took a step back, leaving behind a light lipstick gift on Jose.

'That was for bringing me back.' She said as she patted him on his non-injured cheek. She headed for the box.

Jose felt a very angry phone call coming on.

Jose began to breathe again for the first time in a few seconds.

'Ok then,' Jose said as he wiped his mouth 'Now that we are all here, we can get this DONE.'

'Hold on,' Tenchi said 'Where's Ayeka?'

'I'm sure she's around here somewhere.' Jose said as he stomped his foot a few times in the sand. Oh yeah, he still had it.

'But is she going to show up?' Tenchi pressed.

'Don't worry about it now.' Jose offered 'I'm sure she'll turn up if we 'dig up' her whereabouts.'

Ryoko and Jose both laughed. The rest of the survivors did either not follow it, or were completely mortified. Their silence was confusing to Jose.

'God, I'm evil.' Jose said 'OK survivors!' Ryoko and Katsuhito snapped to attention. 'This is real simple. 5 ex-survivors 5 votes. First to 3 votes wins the game. Understand?'

Ryoko and Katsuhito nodded. Sweat was visibly forming on their foreheads.

'Ex-survivors, prepare to vote. Survivors, prepare to be voted off.'

The camera scanned over the voters slowly. Each was summing up who they were going to vote for and why. As easy as it sounded, it was hard for the Ex-survivors. Having to vote for the one person that stood out above the rest of them. People they had to live with and might still. A trial by fire.

Jose allowed each survivor to think, as well as himself. Another few seconds, and he would begin.

The cameras finished their sweep and Jose stood up.

'Ex-survivors, you have had your time to think and to make a choice. Now comes the time where we must choose a winner. Sasami, since you were the first to be banished, you may choose first.'

I've spent a lot of time with the both of you.' Sasami started 'You have both been a very big help to me, more than you will ever know. However, I can only choose one of you. Mr. Misaki, you are kind enough to take me into your home. You have allowed me to stay, you have patience and you are a kind person. Always. Ryoko, I have known you to be short tempered, grouchy and very closed minded. Though you as well have done a lot for me, I'm going to have to vote for Mr. Misaki.'

'Point for Katsuhito!' Jose yelled 'Moving on, Ryo-Ohki' Jose said 'You were the second banished, so you take a turn.'

The little cat-girl was silent for a second, and then let off a string of sounds. The survivors read the following:

'Simply, Katsuhito grows the carrots, but Ryoko has been known to reward small, frequent jobs I do for her WITH the carrots. Ryoko gets MY vote.'

Katsuhito and Ryoko both shrugged.

'Makes sense to ME.' Katsuhito breathed.

'Point to Ryoko!' Jose said 'the game at this point, Ryoko one, Katsuhito one. Washu, your vote is next.'

'Let's see.' She said thinking 'Mr. Misaki lets me borrow his basement door the he never uses, and Ryoko is an arrogant bitch who has to get everything her way.' Washu ducked a shoe that was thrown at her 'Then again, she IS my daughter. Damn, I'm going to HAVE to vote for her.'

'That's two for Ryoko.' Jose said 'Next up is- oh crap.'

Tenchi was next in line. The end of the game might have been in sight, but this would DEFINATLY complicate the process.

'Tenchi,' Jose said 'Look at what you are doing. If you vote for Katsuhito, it's a tie game. That would mean that the outcome of the game would be riding on MIHOSHI. Do you REALLY want to do that to me?'

'Look, I'm sorry.' Tenchi said 'But I have to vote.'

Jose sighed.

'Fine.' He said 'Tenchi, your vote and reasoning please.'

Well, I've known Ryoko since she woke up, and I've got a lot of memories that the two of us have together. I mean, look at everything the two of us have done. Even waking her up from that cave was pretty cool. But look, anyone that at one point tried to kill me is bad news. I'm sorry Ryoko, but my grandfather has my vote.'

'And that means a tie game.' Jose said 'Two votes for Katsuhito, two votes for Ryoko. And now, the last vote is decided by Mihoshi.'

The camera panned over to Mihoshi who was trying to figure out a 4 square Rubrix cube. At the moment, she was losing.

Jose cracked a can of Stella Artois and downed it in an instant. Only alcohol would dull this pain.

'Mihoshi,' Jose said 'Time to vote. The winner depends now on your vote. I HOPE you have put some thought into this.'

'I have,' She admitted 'but I still can't decide.' She tossed the cube behind her, still not able to figure it out. 'So I decided to do the smart thing.'

'Let me guess.' Jose started 'Russian Roulette.'

'See, I want both of them to win, but I know that only one can. They both deserve my vote, but I am reminded that two people can not win this game. The only fair thing to do is leave it to chance.'

'Good god, no.' Jose said as he dropped his head on Katsuhito's podium.

Katsuhito avoided Jose's head and again looked at Mihoshi.

'I have to flip a coin.' Mihoshi admitted.

'The end of the game depends on a COIN TOSS?' Ryoko said 'That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard.'

Mihoshi dug into her pocket and fished out a quarter. Placing it on her thumb, she exhaled.

Jose repeatedly hit his head on Katsuhito's podium. The rest of the survivors, ex and current, watched Mihoshi with intent.

Mihoshi flipped the coin into the air, not calling it out loud, but making several mental notes, reminding herself who was assigned to what side.

The coin spun in the air upwards in slow motion. Gleaming in the sun, it continued up in its climb.

It reached its arc, and continued to spin. And it spun at the top of the arc. It just kept spinning. It hung in mid air and turned over and over.

Jose glared at it. Picking up a rock, he forewent the blood in his eyes and threw a rock at the offending change. It nicked it and fell to earth.

Anything that girl touched went stupid.

The coin fell back toward earth, right for Mihoshi's hand. It landed in her palm, and she flipped it onto the back of her other hand. Hand still over it; she did not dare to look yet.

Jose, as well as the two survivors on the podium, waited in anticipation. By all game show etiquettes, Jose was not supposed to be excited about the outcome. These things were normally planned, but with everything that just HAPPENED on this island, was there ever really a plan?

Mihoshi looked at the coin, and immediately put it in her pocket. Did she know it would be worth a ton on Ebay? She sat quietly with her eyes closed, thinking of how to break the news.

'Mr. Misaki,' Mihoshi started 'I can not thank you enough for all you have done for me. From letting me stay in your home to giving me permission to marry Tenchi. I mean, you even let me leach off your satellite TV so I can pick up my favorite show. That is the kindest anyone has ever been to me. Ryoko, ever since I got here you have been a big help. Showing me how things work, how people should interact and even teaching me that the sliding glass doors in the house are not automatic. Easily, I see you as a very close friend. One of the best I have ever had. Because of all of these reasons, I had to flip that coin. Ryoko,' Mihoshi said, taking a deep breath 'you did not win my coin flip. Mr. Misaki gets my vote.'

Katsuhito whip lashed looking up from his podium.

'Survivors, past and present, up!' Jose yelled. Those in the box stood, and Katsuhito and Ryoko fell to attention. 'Our final vote has come in, and we have a winner. The winner of Tenchi Survivor is Katsuhito Misaki, who will walk away with a one week all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world. Though Ryoko will not leave empty handed, terms will be discussed after the show. Katsuhito, stand forward.'

Katsuhito stepped off the podium and walked forward.

'Survivors, you have chosen your winner, and here he is. I give you, Katsuhito Misaki.'

A round of applause and cheers went up through the returning survivors. Even Ryoko. Katsuhito shook Jose's hand, and then went immediately toward Ryoko. The two of them hugged and shook hands. They both headed for the ex-survivors, while the same was given.

Jose produced a bottle of champagne and champagne flutes. Handing them out, Jose uncorked the bottle, sending the cork flying with a pop.

'Cue the music!' As the bottle bubbled over.

4 strings were heard, the last one off cue. The same 4 were heard again; once again the last string was botched. It was followed by a soft:

'fuck.'

The music kicked up, this time complete, and this time playing over milestone clips of the show. Credits were shown over all of this.

'Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.' (A clip of the survivors running behind Jose who was wearing a shirt that said 'I 'Heart' PT')

'Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.' (Ayeka and Tenchi are seen taking off into the jungle together)

'So make the best of this-' Jose is seen bashing up a teleporter, complete with sound.)

'Its; not a question, but a lesson learned in time' (A clip of the survivors looking over a mystery meal Jose had prepared)

'It's something unpredictable, but in the end that's life,' (Survivors are seen picking through the brush, looking for something)

'I hope you have had the time of your life.' (Jose sends Sasami off with a hug)

The musical score is heard, video behind that. (Survivors shooting an M1, Jose sleeping, Katsuhito sneaking off with a beer from Jose's hut, survivors fighting amongst themselves)

'So take the photographs and still prints in your mind' (Jose is seen sharing beers with the AV crew, followed by a picture of Mihoshi deep in thought.)

'Hang them on a shelf in good health and good time' (A battered and bloodied Jose is seen staggering, then falls over)

'Tattoo some memories and-' audio with the visual of someone showing off their Punisher tattoo on his arm)

'For what it's worth, it was worth all the while' (The survivors are seen sweating in the extreme heat and sun)

'It's something unpredictable' (The survivors find crabs and lobsters in their sleeping bags)

'But in the end that's life' (Jose gets slapped with a powerful left hand, compliments of Ayeka)

'I hope you had the time of your life' Ryoko power bombs Katsuhito onto a trashcan)

'It's something unpredictable' (Jose slips and falls)

'But in the end that's life' (Jose standing outside of a shower, knife in right hand)

'I hope you have had the time of your life.' (A picture is seen of the survivors, Jose in the center)

The music cuts out and the JPM Studios logo is seen. Live audio can still be heard.

The boom mike hits something; the sound of the impact creating feedback is heard.

'Ow, shit!' Jose yells.

(NOT the promised Fan service!)

A TV cuts out, it has been turned off.

'I TOLD you it would end like that.' A teen says. He is seen sitting at a table over a dinner of rice and fish. His red and gold Chinese shirt is buttoned and lined up with his matching pants. As always, his hair is done up in a pony tail that has an incline to it for some reason.

The eldest daughter, Kasumi, passed more rice his way. He gladly accepted it. Moving it along, he passed it to a panda that was wearing a white vest.

A short haired girl was sitting next to the panda.

'I was pretty sure that Ryoko was going to win.' Akane said.

'And I think someone owes me money.' A money shark named Nabiki said. She elbowed the panda who grunted and held up a sign that read

'But I am a simple panda with no need for money.'

He was promptly doused with hot water.

An older, slightly overweight man sat in the pandas place.

'I believe you owe the girl money.' Ranma said to his father.

The old man promptly threw his smart ass son out the door, and into a nearby koi pond that happened to house cold water. A once black haired male now became a red haired woman when he surfaced. She was quite angry.

A fight broke out in the yard; the occupants of the house ignored them.

'So much for dessert.' Kasumi said happily.

The owner of the house, the kind hearted man who allowed these two freeloaders to live with him and his family, came into the room and demanded silence.

'Look at the.' He said as he held p a letter 'Someone named Jose wants us to participate in some kind of game. What do you say? It MIGHT be fun.'

The girls stared wide eyed at the letter.

Genma, now a panda again, crept over to his longtime friend and held a lighter under the letter. It went up in a puff of smoke.

'What do you think you are doing?' He demanded 'that was an invitation!'

'Trust me,' a soaking wet redhead said 'it was the safest thing to do.'

With that, the family and the two guests sat down and finished their meal, none having any idea how close they had to come to hell.

(Cheesecake) (I hate myself for this)

ELSEWHERE

A young man rolled out of an occupied bed. The room was dark and smelled of a brunt out fire. He placed both feet on the floor and forced himself to stand up. One board squeaked in protest.

His whole body hurt. Good God, what a workout. He was exhausted, and that took a lot to do to him.

His long white hair fell to his lower back. The sensation of his own hair on his half naked body reminded him of another feeling. A soft touch really. He stretched and cracked every join he could. Subconsciously, he flexed every muscle he had ready control over. Beginning with his legs, and working his way up to his chest, everything worked like one could hope for.

H e brushed his hair back from his canine like ears. He was SURE he had heard something.

Attempting to walk in the dark, the almost tripped over a pile of discarded clothes. A pile was exaggerating it. They were kind of all over the floor. He kicked something off his foot that felt like a shirt. Defiantly not his. He scratched at his neck with his short claws. He had been playfully bit earlier, but as he moved to check it, he remembered that he no longer had his necklace on him. It was somewhere, probably the same place as his sword. He made his way carefully to the door, sliding it open as slowly as possible so he would make no noise. He did not want to wake anyone up. The only light was given off by a small lantern that was in the hall. It glowed dull due to the short wick remaining.

The front door was only a short distance away form the portal he stood in. He quickly moved for what had shown up.

Picking up a single letter, he headed back to his shared quarters. He would have kept going, but stopped short in front of a full length mirror. The half demon was uncomfortable. Like his boxers were 8 sizes to small. Either that or- he looked again at the mirror and looked down. Just what he thought. Not only the fact the only fabric he was wearing was tighter around him made him uncomfortable, but the chill that reminded him the boxers were still damp added to that feeling too. They still smelled of her and their doings. Oh well. Such was the price. Red boxers were not easy to come by, especially some that were made so well out of Chinese silk material. But things would fit right in the morning.

He went back to the door and opened it quietly. The only other occupant in his bed stirred a little. Not awake, but not asleep either.

Slipping into the room, he quietly slid the door closed. Only the dying embers of the fire gave off the faintest light. Nothing outside of an inch tot eh fire pit was clearly defined in light. All of his silence was for naught as he tripped over another loose article of clothing and went sprawling. He was rewarded with a face full of panties, and with a nose like his, he was knocked loco by the ever so familiar scent.

He stood back up and stupidly hoped that he did not wake anyone that might have been in his bed. Unfortunately, the letter he had gone to retrieve that was in his hand had fluttered into the embers and burst into flames. The return address, Mr. Mendola was the last to go. The coals almost gave up their heat and faint light, but seemed to burn a bit brighter, casting an orange flow over the room.

A low voice mumbled his name from the bed. He snapped his head over to look in that direction.

'Why are you up?' she allowed for a slight pause before adding 'Again?' She laughed a little at her own tag on irony. Indeed, the coals had been bright enough o make out a few extra outline or two.

'I- I thought I heard something.' He replied, turning a bit red at his own vulnerablity.

'Well come back to bed.' She said 'We'll worry about whatever that was in the morning.'

'Yeah,' the dog demon said 'I'll do that.'

Inuyasha threw back his undesignated ½ of the blankets back and lay down. Before he could shift in any fashion, Kagome rolled over onto his chest, flesh on flesh.

Her light weight body hardly noticeable to him, but he knew she was there. He could feel her breathing on him again.

'Do you love me?' She asked quietly.

'You know I do, He said before he put both his arms around her and held her closer. 'Heart and soul.'

'I DO know that.' She replied 'I just like to hear it.' She rolled out of his arms and onto her side.

The ½ demon stared at the ceiling in silence, reliving his night. It was funny, all this time and it took THAT long. It was amazing. Well, that and the fact they were honest with each other. Pure magic and one hell of a workout.

He exhaled and physically relaxed.

'Hold me.' Kagome offered.

The demon complied and rolled over to face her. The two fell asleep almost immediately. It had went well for both of them that night, with trying something new with the one they loved to the accidental burning of a letter that saved them from hell on earth.

BONOUS MATERIAL UNLOCKED!

So Ryoko was rewarded ONE favor for losing to Katsuhito. Good. She knew JUST what she wanted. That's was why she was still awake and standing on a dark beach alone. The full moon cast everything in a silvery glow. Waves crashed against the shore, and a light wind blew through the palms. He would show up. She KNEW he would. Then, she'd see what he was all about.

The survivors had been asked to stay another night, no strings attached. They all agreed and now all but two were asleep. Ryoko knew he would show up. He HAD to.

Earlier, after the cameras had been turned off, Ryoko asked a favor of Jose. He had considered it, and, when coming to terms with what it meant to Ryoko, Jose bowed and said it would be done. Those Americans and their crazy customs.

Shortly after dinner, Tenchi had again asked Jose of Ayekas' whereabouts. Jose put Ryoko's plan into action.

'After you left,' Jose began 'She was the next to be banished. Once she returned to land, having not heard from you, she took off. She said you did not write, call or even TRY to make contact with her. As far as she was concerned, it was over between you two.'

Just like Ryoko had predicted, Tenchi seemed to take it well, then dropped it and move on. Earlier ago, about an hour, Tenchi had asked the whereabouts of Ryoko. He was pointed in the general direction and headed off.

That was why she knew he would show up. Because nothing of Ayeka mattered to him anymore. Why would have Ryoko been any different? IF she still had an interest in him.

'Ryoko,' Tenchi said as he stepped off the path and onto the beach.

She turned to look at him, then turned back to look at the water. Her tail, no with her again, moved back and forth in the sand.

Tenchi moved up next to her and watched the water as well. Neither of them said anything for close to 5 minutes.

'Ryoko,' Tenchi said quietly 'I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.'

Ryoko only shook her head.

'But you already have. You let me go on thinking something between us would happen. It never did. You KNEW how I felt, and you let me go on living like that.'

'I wanted you there so I could have someone else if things did not work out between Ayeka and I.' Tenchis' brain caught up to his mouth too late. He closed his eyes and cursed to himself.

'I know.' Ryoko said close to tears 'I knew that all along, but I never cared until now. I just kept on telling myself 'I'll be with him soon. Everything will be alright.' But it never happened. Its; not worth the pain-'

'Ryoko,' Tenchi said, trying to cut in.

'No,' she said 'Listen to me. It hurt too much before, and it's not worth it any more. Good bye, Tenchi. I truly hope you can find someone to really care about.'

Finishing her denunciation of Tenchis' worth, Ryoko vanished, leaving Tenchi alone on the beach with his problems, both new and old.

Somewhere, Jose smiled.

A Group of people are seen with their backs to a home camera, the date and time in the bottom right corner. There were 7 people in the shot, all were wearing green fatigues.

Jose, sitting on the far left, turned to face the camera. He was holding a beer.

Violins, accordions and a guitar kicked up in the background.

'Death Valley Queen, where have you been?' Jose sang 'Since they crowned you in glory, filled your head with dreams? But it still goes to show, in every desert there's a rose-'

The rest of the people in fatigues spun on their bar stools, most holding a beer and sang

'That's bloomin' for all to be seen!'

The group of airmen split, some singing the main verse, some singing the refrain. Those not singing at any given part would either finish off a beer or order another.

'I remember you well, from that town you did dwell, with the face of an angel, in a DUMP hot as hell. When I asked for a kiss and you kindly dismissed'

'SO I lead my poor heart to the slaughter!'

'Tell me dear, WHAT did you fear? I'd do you no longer a stranger to sin.'

'So Death Valley Queen, go marry your king, or an old maid you'll end up for certain.'

During the bridge, Jose, along with another fellow airman ordered another beer.

'Off I did sit, on my trail of regret, where I though of you now, in your castle and crown. So I found me a whore-'

'With a face just like yours!'

'After several gallons of porter.'

The group was now very animated, swaying on their chairs and swinging fists in time to the music.

'When I awaoke, she had scarpered, I was BROKE!'

'Laying cold in the bed-'

'With a WHALE FOR A HEAD!'

'So Death Valley queen, go MARRY your king, or an old maid you'll end up for certain.'

'Hoo-rah.'

'Then the BALL dropped, why everything fell, by the way. As your tear drops were FALLING I forgot to say-'

'That I have always loved you. Yeah, I have always loved you. Yeah, I have always-'

'I HAVE ALWAYS, LOVED YOU!'

An airman fell off his chair.

'When I returned, downtrodden and BURNED, there were Billy goats grazin', where once you'd be found. So I hung out to dry-'

'On this LIMB for a LIE!'

'Take me BACK, for I'm cursed on this mainland.'

'Tell me dear, WHAT did you fear? I'd do you no longer a stranger to sin.'

'So Death Valley QUEEN, go MARRY you king, or an old maid you'll end up for certain!'

'I said Death Valley Queen, go MARRY your ki-i-i-ing.'

'And a ROVIN' I'll end up for certain!'

All the airmen finished off their beers and placed, with some force, their mugs back on the bar.

'That was great.' The camera operator said before the airmen staggered off.

THE END


End file.
